Teenaged Experimentation

I have often been of the opinion that given our society's general acceptance -- compared to the 60's when I came of age -- of homosexuality that had I grown up 30 years later and had the same sorts of experiences I had as a teenager, I would have been labeled as gay. And to this day sometimes I wonder. I am not generally speaking physically attracted to men, but as I passed through puberty and began to explore sexuality virtually every sexual experience I had was with someone of the same sex. And even in my twenties, when I had finally had a few heterosexual relationships, I did on two occasions continue my explorations with men.

My first truly sexual experience was with a friend who was a year or so older than me. I had yet to have reached my sexual maturation, though he had. He had told me of how good it felt to rub himself and encouraged me to try as well. Never came to much of anything for me (no pun intended). One day, he and I found ourselves in our basement storage room. I don't recall how it happened, but somehow or another he convinced me to let him suck my dick and then for me to suck his. It was terribly awkward and embarrassing as I remember it. I enjoyed the warmth of his mouth wrapped around my cock, but I had no idea at all of why he was doing it. And when it came to be my turn to do him, it just felt weird. We never repeated it again, though he did ask many times.

But something in that activity must have made me curious. A year or so later, I began playing sexually with my then best friend Steve. We really had no idea of what was drawing us to one another that way. But it seems that whenever we were alone, we would kiss and rub against one another. On one occasion, we were in the basement lounging on a single bed my mother kept for guests. We again began to touch, kiss, and hump one another. At some point, I lost control and found myself pushing my hips harder and harder against him. My passion became intense and I felt a sudden and powerful release. I experienced my first orgasm. I was probably 12 or 13 years old and had absolutely no idea of what happened. Nor did Steve, though when we lowered my pants and found this sticky mess inside my underwear he seemed more aware of what it was then I did. He began to laugh and point at me saying, "Bob spermed his pants!" over and over.

And it had definitely felt wonderful. And, like most young boys discovering this pleasure, I soon wanted to do it again. I began masturbating and have most likely masturbated almost every day of my life since then. Steve soon after experienced his first orgasm and we confided in one another about how it felt. Soon we had graduated from fully clothed groping to full-on nude embraces accompanied by mutual masturbation.  My memories of oral sex with my earlier friend led me to experiment sucking Steve. And soon he too was enjoying sucking on me. This became a fairly regular activity.

Socially, in the conservative town I grew up in the south, homosexuality (well, any sort of sexuality really) was pretty much unheard of among my age group. So we had no frame of reference to explain what we were doing with one another. The idea that we were queers or fags, the most common terms used in those days, never even crossed my mind. It was more like we released our mutual sexual tensions that were building in us because both of us were simply too shy to make our interests in girls known to them (a shyness that plagues me to this day). I had a five year long crush on Donna L, but never even once asked her out. Steve had a similar crush on Carol F. We became quite sexually charged by our school encounters with our female loves, but because we never ventured to try anything with them, our excitement was turned on one another.

We role played during our sexual encounters. I was his Carol F and he my Donna L. We would take turns playing out the sexual situations that we wanted to experience with our "girlfriend." And this went on from the time we first discovered we could get pleasure from our genitals until we both graduated high school and went on to separate colleges. So it was truly a real, long lasting sexual relationship, but with no feelings of intimacy other than the desire to get one another off.

I most certainly do not believe that I am truly gay. I've not had a cock in my mouth for more than 30 years and never had one in my ass; nor have I performed oral sex on a man for a similar period of time. I am not, as I said above, physically attracted to men. I have fantasized about sucking cock, particularly while watching some porn when a particularly alluring penis is presented. And I suppose given the right circumstances, I'd try again.

But had this same behavior happened in recent years, Steve and I would most likely have recognized -- or at least believed we recognized -- that we were indeed gay. But I think we were just experimenting. And experimenting is just that. I wonder when I hear of boys today at extremely early ages "coming out" and expressing that they are gay. Do they really understand what they are saying?