Thoughts on "Being a Distraction"

I've been away for a good while now. Probably lost most of my readers.

A year ago I rode a grand wave. I was discovering a world online that seemed mysterious and exciting to me. It led me to experiment with some interesting aspects of my self and my sexuality. I was truly having fun back then.

I slipped away several months ago. No more Twitter. No more Tumblers. No more daily reading the sex blogs. No more writing my own.

A few of you may wonder why. Without going back and re-reading past posts, I suspect I have already given the reason. Things never really change all that much. I mean, it is hard to change the person you are, even when you know who you are stands between where you are now and where you want to be.

I have discovered, much to my chagrin, that at 60 years old I am as totally clueless about how to get laid as I was at 16. Well, that's probably an exaggeration, but not by too much.

Since I last made an entry here I've been in and out of several short term forays with women. Most never got off the ground. That's ok. I don't expect every date to wind up in bed. But NONE of them!?

One woman I dated for more than a month, had multiple dates, even met her Mother, ... things seemed great. I knew we were moving slowly but, I thought, steadily toward some physical closeness. It never happened. Instead, during a phone conversation in which she was begging off of one opportunity or another for getting together she made it clear that from her point of view it was over. Her most damning statement was that I "was a distraction in her life."

Sure, she's a busy woman. And I'm an busy man. But a "distraction?"

I only wish I had been a good distraction. I wish she wanted, as much as I did, to find distraction from the troubles and hard work of our lives in passionate love making. Now that would have been a distraction worth experiencing.

It's been about six months now since my last sexual experience with another person. An afternoon meeting with a local escort.

Since then, many dates. A few short term "relationships." And lots of masturbation.

But I look at myself and realize that I am exactly the person I have been most of my life. I'm a nice guy. I can carry on a an intelligent conversation about many subjects. I'm not a bad looking man. But sex just doesn't seem to be in my future unless I pay for it.