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It is a cold cold day in the NE today...and I have a day's worth of chores ahead.
So I am waiting for my iPad to get charged before I head out for laundry and other mundane tasks.
Not too much new to report since my last rather downbeat post. I still dabble at OKC, thinking that someday someone will show up there that is new and exciting. But after being there for nearly five (or is it six?) years, the faces all begin to blur into one. Each profile evokes questions. Have I written her? Oh yes, I remember my date with her...no magic at all. Oh, she sounded nice but never replied to my email. And so on.
There was a post on Sex Secrets a week or so ago about how important it is for older men to have an active sex life. I wrote a comment and got into a little comment-conversation there. The gist was, if I want a sexual relationship it should be easy to find because most women really do want sex. Funny how poorly that jives with my personal experience. In the past month, I have chosen to end a few dating situations that just did not seem to be heading in a direction that worked for me. That means I am currently completely unattached, with no pending dates.
What I seem to hear over and over is that I am hard to get to know. And when you hear that multiple times it is probably true. Am I closed off in my ability to open myself to others? Could be. I know that I tend to hold back because there are rough spots in my life that I simply choose not to share early in an emerging relationship. Why dwell on negativity? It'll come out when it needs to, but I don't think it is helpful in the first few dates. But I am coming to realize that I may present as a withdrawn man, unwilling to open myself up. And that can be a turnoff for some.
I am told that my profile presents confused image. Is this a man who is afraid of commitment? Is this a man who looks for only one thing? What does this man really want?
All very accurate evaluations of who I am. So I ponder how I resolve these issues. Svetlana at Sex Secrets came to the conclusion that I need to be in a FWB type of relationship. I agree. But I've never been in such a relationship. I don't even know how to get there. My experience suggests, over and over, that I am pretty good at becoming a friend. But I've never had a friend become a lover. Rather most sexual situation have emerged quickly, often on the first or second date. The physical chemistry needs to be there first. Lovers often become friends, never the other way around. But date after date lacks that physical intimacy.
future prospects
56 minutes ago
Just a thought from the perspective of my 68 years, scanning your labels does suggest interaction is pretty much all about you. Please don't take my suggestion as a flame, but as I read of your lament I honestly think you need to just slow it all down and find friends with whom you have chemistry and just sit back and relax while the pot simmers.
ReplyDeleteYou can hint, turn up the heat once in awhile, but try VERY hard not to push things along; patience will sometimes reward you, sometimes not. I understand your desire not to waste time and to get back to where you were, but I think you may have forgotten the rewards of Patience and Honesty.
No, I don't interpret your comment as a flame. Anything but. I wouldn't have make such public statements if I wasn't interested in how others take it. I should be clearer, if I can, however in making a distinction between the desires that I write of here and my actual actions in pursuing those desires. Yes, I must give the impression that al I care about is sex. In real life, my 'pursuit' of that goal izs but one of many things I (and I am hardly unique in this, I suspect everyone evaluates others by a wide array of factors) look for in meeting new women. But this blog is very specifically about my sexual feelings and activities as I cross into my sixties. And I do strongly believe that sexuality is a necessary component of any relationsip. That doesn't mean this is all about myself, does it? I do want a partner who also has a selfish desire to be sexually engaged.
ReplyDeleteBut I am curious about your opinion, because I have had interactions where I've been told my messages, chats, etc are very self centered. My real world persona, I hope is less so...but I wonder. It sort of scares me if that is true, because I dislike that quality in others very much.
hmm...being hard to get to know can mean you are not sharing sufficient of your life - some men will not talk of family, work etc and this can make one nervous that they don't trust, are hiding something or intend to take what they want and disappear. I'd argue it's not necessary to cough up all the negative things in your life at the start - better to share the good stuff. On the other hand, you could not be expressing your emotions in your body language. Not being able to read someone is alarming and also blocks building of rapport. So which are you?
ReplyDelete