Single Sex at Sixty

Thanksgiving Update

2011-11-25T13:18:00.000-05:00

Wow, it has been a long while since I've shown myself here. I must admit I've given thought to deleting the blog because most of it seems so out of touch with where I am these days.

Single Sex at Sixty? Not happening unless I pay for it. Partly because I simply grew weary of playing the dating game and finding again and again that either I have no skills at making my physical desires known (quite likely) or the world is filled with women in my age group who either have no interest in sex or, at least, no interest in sex with me. Both situations tend to put me in the friend zone from which my life experience tells me there is NO ESCAPE!.

And my health hasn't been all that good recently. Lots of nagging things are catching up with me.

But not all is bad news. I have marked a big item from my bucket list...threesome. I hooked up with a couple of nice young (well, in their mid 30s young...young to me) women twice now. It has lived up to my hopes and is something I certainly plan to repeat as much as I can. I guess without getting into the splendid details, I'd just say the gals were loads of fun to be with and the potential for extended pleasure remains high.

Cold Saturday Morning Update

2011-01-15T11:47:00.000-05:00

It is a cold cold day in the NE today...and I have a day's worth of chores ahead.

So I am waiting for my iPad to get charged before I head out for laundry and other mundane tasks.

Not too much new to report since my last rather downbeat post. I still dabble at OKC, thinking that someday someone will show up there that is new and exciting. But after being there for nearly five (or is it six?) years, the faces all begin to blur into one. Each profile evokes questions. Have I written her? Oh yes, I remember my date with her...no magic at all. Oh, she sounded nice but never replied to my email. And so on.

There was a post on Sex Secrets a week or so ago about how important it is for older men to have an active sex life. I wrote a comment and got into a little comment-conversation there. The gist was, if I want a sexual relationship it should be easy to find because most women really do want sex. Funny how poorly that jives with my personal experience. In the past month, I have chosen to end a few dating situations that just did not seem to be heading in a direction that worked for me. That means I am currently completely unattached, with no pending dates.

What I seem to hear over and over is that I am hard to get to know. And when you hear that multiple times it is probably true. Am I closed off in my ability to open myself to others? Could be. I know that I tend to hold back because there are rough spots in my life that I simply choose not to share early in an emerging relationship. Why dwell on negativity? It'll come out when it needs to, but I don't think it is helpful in the first few dates. But I am coming to realize that I may present as a withdrawn man, unwilling to open myself up. And that can be a turnoff for some.

I am told that my profile presents confused image. Is this a man who is afraid of commitment? Is this a man who looks for only one thing? What does this man really want?

All very accurate evaluations of who I am. So I ponder how I resolve these issues. Svetlana at Sex Secrets came to the conclusion that I need to be in a FWB type of relationship. I agree. But I've never been in such a relationship. I don't even know how to get there. My experience suggests, over and over, that I am pretty good at becoming a friend. But I've never had a friend become a lover. Rather most sexual situation have emerged quickly, often on the first or second date. The physical chemistry needs to be there first. Lovers often become friends, never the other way around. But date after date lacks that physical intimacy.

Thoughts on "Being a Distraction"

2010-12-10T22:24:00.000-05:00

I've been away for a good while now. Probably lost most of my readers.

A year ago I rode a grand wave. I was discovering a world online that seemed mysterious and exciting to me. It led me to experiment with some interesting aspects of my self and my sexuality. I was truly having fun back then.

I slipped away several months ago. No more Twitter. No more Tumblers. No more daily reading the sex blogs. No more writing my own.

A few of you may wonder why. Without going back and re-reading past posts, I suspect I have already given the reason. Things never really change all that much. I mean, it is hard to change the person you are, even when you know who you are stands between where you are now and where you want to be.

I have discovered, much to my chagrin, that at 60 years old I am as totally clueless about how to get laid as I was at 16. Well, that's probably an exaggeration, but not by too much.

Since I last made an entry here I've been in and out of several short term forays with women. Most never got off the ground. That's ok. I don't expect every date to wind up in bed. But NONE of them!?

One woman I dated for more than a month, had multiple dates, even met her Mother, ... things seemed great. I knew we were moving slowly but, I thought, steadily toward some physical closeness. It never happened. Instead, during a phone conversation in which she was begging off of one opportunity or another for getting together she made it clear that from her point of view it was over. Her most damning statement was that I "was a distraction in her life."

Sure, she's a busy woman. And I'm an busy man. But a "distraction?"

I only wish I had been a good distraction. I wish she wanted, as much as I did, to find distraction from the troubles and hard work of our lives in passionate love making. Now that would have been a distraction worth experiencing.

It's been about six months now since my last sexual experience with another person. An afternoon meeting with a local escort.

Since then, many dates. A few short term "relationships." And lots of masturbation.

But I look at myself and realize that I am exactly the person I have been most of my life. I'm a nice guy. I can carry on a an intelligent conversation about many subjects. I'm not a bad looking man. But sex just doesn't seem to be in my future unless I pay for it.

Where things stand now

2010-09-25T09:54:00.000-04:00

I've not spent much time thinking about this blog recently. Partly because work has kept me busy. And partly because I am now seeing a couple of different women I met online.

M is finding her way into my life (and me into hers?) in a slow but steady way. I first began exchanging emails with her almost a year ago, but for one reason or another we didn't actually meet until late August. Since then, we've had several dates (well, 6 actually, but who's counting?). She's a year older than me, widowed a few years back. I am definitely attracted to her in the traditional ways: she's beautiful, she's intelligent, she's creative. And our times together are filled with the type of conversation and activities that make me want to know more and more about her. But, like I have mentioned in prior posts, she is among that group of 'older' women who are not on the dating scene to find casual sex partners. Sex will come, that I am fairly confident about based on our conversations, but only after we have grown to know one another much better.

So, to date our physical relationship has been distinctly limited. We had our first kiss on our fourth date (yes, you read that correctly) and still have not moved to anything remotely passionate. For those who read this blog you may wonder why. I am a truly patient man. I can sense with M that moving too quickly will be counter productive. That sex with her at this stage would not be the right thing.

She mentioned the Jon Stewart Rally to Restore Sanity to me last week and I returned home that night and, in a state of euphoria stimulated by a bit too much wine and our first kiss, I quickly made hotel reservations for us in DC. Without even asking her if she wanted to go with me. Presumptuous? Yes. Effective? Yes. When I told her what I'd done she actually seemed pleased that I had taken that initiative and on Wednesday night this past week, we formalized a weekend date for that event. Flying down together, and spending the night after the rally.

I am also dating another woman, F, who is a professor at a local school and prolific book writer. Her approach to sex is much like M's: not about to jump into bed with anyone quickly. F and I have only had a couple of dates so far. She travels a lot (as do I) so seeing her has been difficult to schedule. We do exchange interesting emails however. She write long deeply descriptive messages (no, not sexual). But, because my heart is definitely drawn more to M, I'm not sure this particular situation will develop much farther.

With respect to the theme of this blog, maybe I am learning something important from both of these women. Sex at 60 is not the same as sex at 25. Those of us in the early golden years are simply not part of the hook up culture. That's a fact of life that I must come to embrace. I'm sure there are many women in my age group who may be interested in purely sexual relationships, but they are few and far between...and my experience online and in real life suggests that I am not likely to find them. I did respond to someone a couple of hours away on OKC who made it clear that she was looking for something on the side (and I fit her age desires), with her husband's knowledge and approval. I thought I filled the bill well, but her reply to me was polite but dismissive. No reason suggested, just a simple statement thanking me for my interest and a wish that I would find what I wanted. Somewhere else. Next.

I am making it clear with both M and F that I am not looking for a platonic friendship. That I am definitely interested in moving on to a closer relationship. But also letting both know that I am patient. No specific timetable in mind, but also not wiling to get involved in another multi-year dating situation with no sex. Time will tell.

A Short Update

2010-09-10T08:05:00.001-04:00

I have had a couple of interesting dates since my last post. Not sure how either situation will play out. One was a second date with a wonderful artistic woman in a closeby city, with another scheduled for Saturday. The other was with a fascinating college professor at a local university. Her intelligence is a big turn on for me. I see her again next week. Both women are attractive and we seem to be getting along nicely.

But in my usual way, I find that I am not making much progress towards physical intimacy while definitely making connection on other levels. It's all handshakes and smiles now...but I must be who I am and let time take its course.

The Reason

2010-08-29T19:02:00.003-04:00

I have calmed down quite a bit since that last post. But I still want to share something of why I chose to pull myself back. If I hadn't been first to end it, she most assuredly would have very soon.

This post touches on the recent flurry of blog posts and tweets concerning what it means to be "sex positive." My regular readers know that this blog has seen some ups and downs. Mostly up in the first few months, mostly down in the more recent posts. You know that I am looking to catch up on many years of very unsatisfactory sexual relationships and about a year ago I found myself wandering into the world of sex bloggers. Here I discovered for the first time the common use of the term "sex positive," which I seemed to instinctively understand. At least so I thought.

To me, being sexually positive means a lot of different things, but at its core it mean accepting all forms of human sexuality without reservation, but doesn't mean that I have to feel those practices are right for me. And I know that in that sense I am most definitely sex positive. So as I began my journey into this world, I encountered a lot of new ideas. Now, it is not that I have been ignorant of most of it, but just that for the most part I have never seen myself as part of it.

What am I talking about? Group sex. Sex parties. Different forms of relationship (polyamory, swinging, D/s, BDSM, etc.). Bi-sexuality. Gang bangs. Public sex. Toys. Sex with random partners. Sex for money. Watersports. And more that I just can't think of right now.

I was surprised to find that it seems a majority of sex blogs are written by women. It shouldn't have been a surprise, but it was. And, because finding that so many women find pleasure in this variety of sexual activities was so foreign to my upbringing, I continue to this day, nearly a year after becoming a part of this community, to sometimes struggle with how I fit in. I have publicly professed my Bucket List desires for some of these experiences. I still want to fulfill those desires, but I have learned that it takes time to build the relationships that lead to it. And ultimately that is the problem I have always had.

How does this relate to my most recent encounter? In a few ways.

First, in my barely controlled passion to actually experience the world of sexuality that I have missed out on for so long, I sometimes forget some basic "rules" of how you begin a new relationship. And in some respects while understanding the rules, I find that I never learned how to follow them. In the past, whenever I encountered a "relationship situation" I have tended to shy away or, more likely, to fail in some fundamental way, which leads the potential partner to lose interest. It has happened all my adult life. An example. I have never learned to sweet-talk a woman. OK that's old-school courtship talk...but whether we are talking about a pickup line in a bar or moving a new relationship from the initial dates to the bedroom, I understand the rules of relationship suggest that a man needs to put in some personal effort. To do and say the things that make the woman feel wanted, desired.

And I failed that test in that short online fling. Somehow, I forgot to make that sort of connection with her. And she called me on it. She told me that my messages to her were all very self-centered. At first, I was a little miffed to read that and wanted to say it wasn't true. But it was true. I plead some innocence however because I was simply trying to let her know more about me. But I failed to do that in a way that enticed her to actually want to know about me. Mea Culpa, without question.

Second. Whether or not we would actually work together was always a bit touch and go. Risking revealing who I am talking about, let's just say that she has a strong belief that high match scores on OK Cupid actually means something. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but when I read that on her profile and saw that we had an extremely high match, I took a chance and dove right in. Not really expecting anything. Here's the thing. She is polyamorous, a real positive sign in my quest. She is very much into group sex and swinger events. Another good sign. And she is deeply committed to her BDSM lifestyle with a well known domme and as a switch with at least one sub of her own. Ok, this is where the slippery slope began for me. Am I into BDSM? I'd say curious. Am I into the brand of BDSM I know she practices from reading the posts on the blog she sent me to. Honestly, nope. But instead of simply saying that to her, in my growing excitement that I may have a chance to experience several of the things on my list, I chose to overlook that fairly sizable incompatibility.

Third, and this was where I found my head spinning, she didn't stop with simply pointing out the flaws in my approach. She added the following statement to the mix:

the thing to remember is that "sex-positive" woman [sic] can get as much cock as they want so the guys who can offer something of value to her are going to win out

There were two elements to this statement that got to me. The idea that a sex positive woman can pick and choose the cocks she will enjoy didn't set real well. My readers know the idea of easy sex is foreign to me. The idea that she can have sex whenever she wants it slapped me in the face because I know how untrue that has been in my life. And then the part of offering something of value entered the mix. I asked what she meant and her answer was that her current sub does her housework for her. That's fine, but somehow the statement carried a much darker meaning for me. It raises the concept of competition (I have to "win-out") which I have never been very good at in the relationship world. And there is that whole "something of value" concept. I'm sure that I have much of value to offer, but now it becomes more a question of "who do I want to offer it to?"

And after a great deal of thought, I decided that I had no interest in offering it to her because she simply wouldn't be able to appreciate it.

But I did come away from this with a lesson that is important. I really need to learn how to do and say those little things that spark interest and then fan the spark so that the flame will grow.

And I promise...next post will not be so damned "self-centered." (Though really, aren't most sex blogs fairly self centered?)

It was indeed too soon

2010-08-24T22:01:00.001-04:00

Suffice to say that I saw where the path I tread upon yesterday was leading. It was scary. Very scary.

I am contemplating a post in response to the reason I have chosen to run away as fast as I can from what would without question have been a huge mistake on my part. But I must let it simmer for a day or so.

Too Early to Get Excited

2010-08-23T19:00:00.000-04:00

A couple of weeks ago I sent a message to someone on Ok Cupid who sounded...well...interesting. She was very upfront about her polyamory and other aspects of her sexual life.

She replied a day or so ago with an expression of interest. I pointed her to this blog, which she has looked at and then sent me a link to a blog with stories of her sexual escapades.

Because we are only beginning to talk and there are no guarantees this will go anywhere I won't name names yet. But, imagine my surprise to learn that she has direct and intimate connections to at least one of my Twitter friends and someone whose sex blog I (and I suspect many if not all of my readers follow) have subscribed to since I pulled back the curtain to this sexual smorgasbord. So reading that blog today has made me more than just a little bit excited that maybe, just maybe, we will find some common reasons for meeting.

And for now, meeting is all we're talking about.

Well, back to reading for me...lots of stories to digest.

Casual Sex and Drugs

2010-08-19T20:54:00.000-04:00

There are two questions on the OK Cupid profile that I am unsure of how to answer.

The first is "drugs." I have always answered ""No" but the fact is, I have done lots of drugs in my days and still enjoy a few bong hits on a regular basis. But does answering anything other than "No" make the profile stand out for rejection? The answers provided should include something like, "an occasional joint is nice."

The other question has to do with the type of relationship being sought. I used to include "casual sex" but found myself wondering if that also may scare someone away. But the truth is, I'd love to have a few casual sexual relationships, missed out on that part of my life completely. But would putting that on the list plant a red flag that "this guy just wants to fuck," which is not wholly true. (I do most certainly want to fuck, but there's more to what I want in the big picture)

Relationship Wisdom in Doonesbury

2010-08-15T11:23:00.001-04:00

I've been a Doonesbury fan for so many years that I can't even remember. I suppose in real world terms, I am about the same age as most of the core characters. And I lived through much of the same political and social upheaval that gave Trudeau the material he worked with. So it is always enjoyable to find myself again identifying with the situations that unfold.

Over the past week, the series has been following the growing relationship between two of the younger characters (Alex and Leo). The strip on August 13th really struck me. The back story is simple, Alex was having a "relationship" discussion with Leo and felt they had some sort of breakthrough that led to what Alex considered moving to the "next level." Leo on the other hand, clearly felt uncomfortable with the conversation and direction it was heading.

The message of that strip rang so true with regards to several of my recent attempts to find companionship. I ask for us to be relaxed and let time take its course...what will happen will happen. But all too often I am asked to make a commitment to a future before I hardly know this person. Not always asking me to commit to her personally, but at least a commitment to the concept of being in a serious long term relationship. I am not opposed to the idea of a long term relationship, but I am not about to make it the purpose of my quest for companionship.

So, I wonder, to what extent is this a fundamental difference between men and women? And maybe it has an age component to it. I do date mostly middle-aged divorced women who may be feeling a need for more than a slow, comfortable progression to a lifetime together. Maybe they want that whole package to come to them with a bow tied on it, ready to be opened.

Or maybe I have no idea what any of this is all about...and THAT is a distinct possibility.

Nine Months Ago...

2010-08-09T21:05:00.000-04:00

I started this blog with all the good intents of using this medium to explore how my sexuality was developing as I approached 60.

Well, tomorrow (August 10) I reach that venerable age and have to say not much has changed in my life. I remain the same person I have been for many many years. I am still a nice guy that women enjoy spending time with, as a friend. Intimacy eludes me as much today as it did when I was 20, 30, 40, and 50. Yeah, I was married in there for a while, but even for those years, sex was more of an afterthought than a focal point.

I can only come to the conclusion that there is something fundamentally wrong with how I present myself. I have suggested in my posts here that I think my age is a deterrent, but that is only an excuse. In my heart I understand that it is not my age that matters, but somehow I fail to send the proper signals of attraction.

I had mental plans for a profoundly meaningful birthday post, but as the evening lengthens, my muse for writing is just not here.

So here's what I'd like to do. Here's a link to my profile on OK Cupid. I invite any and all of my readers (not sure how many of you are still out there) to visit it, read it, and yes, critique it. What would help to make it send the sorts of warm, fuzzies to you that would make you want to know me? Am I sending "friendship" vibes when I should be sending "sexy" vibes? I haven't updated this for a long time, and it is clearly not working for me.

Strike Two and Some Discouraging News

2010-07-29T10:26:00.000-04:00

I tried. I mean, I really tried this time to take it slow and easy.

But from some early emails, I sort of knew it was not going anywhere. Let's say nicely that she had some beliefs that I don't share and I sort of knew at some point they would get in the way of anything deep, though they wouldn't necessarily interfere with simply enjoying time together.

But when she began to ask for my phone number everytime we spoke on the phone (even once when SHE had called me!) and I knew I had sent it to her via email multiple times and had given it to her verbally several times, I suspected there may be a screw or two loose. We met for the first time Sunday. It was a pleasant meeting. I found her physically attractive and our conversation was intelligent enough to keep me engaged.

We made plans for a movie on Tuesday but she called Monday and laid the groundwork for backing out. Then on Tuesday around 4 pm she called me at work and told me she wasn't feeling well and wanted to go see her doctor. I was in the midst of a serious personnel issue when she called (was talking to someone I had laid off earlier in the day) and not really too available for much of a discussion. She came to the erroneous conclusion that I had treated her rudely on the call and that was the end of it all.

So once again I am left wondering where I went wrong. My dear friend A tells me that I am choosing the wrong women. I suppose so, but that has never been something I was very good at. The choosing part, I mean. I may choose, but moving on from a feeling of interest to making the chemistry is a whole other matter and one which I am very ill equipped to deal with.

Now, all this has happened around the same time that I read this article about a recent survey of women regarding their self-professed sexual "dysfunctions." The age group I am most likely to be dating spans two of the age groups covered by the survey. My professed age range of interest is 45-65. So look at the numbers from that survey:

46-54: desire (65 percent), satisfaction (53 percent) and orgasm (48 percent)
55-70: desire (77 percent), orgasm (66 percent), satisfaction (65 percent)

Between 2/3 and 3/4 of women in my age group indicated that they felt no desire for sex. I can independently confirm this by a quick review of the "personality" profiles of women on OK Cupid. The overwhelming majority of whom in that age range are rated as "Less Desiring of Sex." Now considering the "satisfaction" and "orgasm" also rank highly, maybe the lack of desire stems more from disappointment than from any real organic loss of interest in sex.

Maybe I am looking in the wrong place. Maybe I should return my efforts to other more sexually explicit sites. But my experiences on such sites have always pointed to a dearth of interested women in the local area. Similarly, the local Craig's List listings suggest this is not a hotbed of sexual activity.

A asked me last night what I was really looking for. Honestly, if I was to categorize it, it would probably be a Friend with Benefits. Being honest with myself, I can't really see myself entering into a serious relationship. As I've said before, if it evolves that way I am comfortable with that; but I am not actively searching for the life partner to complete who I am. I hesitate to revise my profile to read that way but maybe I should.

Any advice from my readers?

A New Start

2010-07-19T08:07:00.000-04:00

I have begun the dance again. This time, I think I will take it slow and easy.

My new potential playmate is my age, an artist (which is great for me) who lives only a few miles away. We haven't met yet but have exchanged numerous emails and have spoken on the phone. So far, things feel pretty good and we will see how it goes.

Thinking back on my escort experiences

2010-07-16T07:41:00.001-04:00

Reader of this blog from its early days will recall that towards the end of last year I went on a spree of seeing escorts to fulfill my sexual needs. I saw a total of four different escorts, three of whom I found to be exciting and fun to be with. Our short times together met my expectations well and left me feeling happy and positive...wanting to continue. The fourth was, well, not all that great.

But the one that really shined was someone I met via Alexa's site The Real Princess Diaries. She had seen my post regarding my first time with an escort on RPD and somehow we managed to begin exchanging emails. She was not at all like the other three. Our time together felt like a real date. We had been exchanging emails for a few months before we finally met, the day after Christmas in NYC where she lived. We had enough communication beforehand so that she knew a lot about me before we met.

We met for dinner at a restaurant that was practically empty, having a whole section of the place just to ourselves. This allowed us to become physically expressive while we ordered, waited for our food, and ate. We were both ready to move on before the wait staff asked if we wanted coffee after our meal. No coffee for us, as we scampered anxiously the three blocks back to my hotel room in a cold blustery rain. Within minutes of reachig the room our clothes were shed and she had brought out a supply of toys for us to play with.

I've written of this night on this blog before, but my entry was not well written, nor did it fully reflect my excitement in spending the two hours or so we shared a bed. We experimented with some light bondage and she fulfilled a hidden fantasy I had of being anally penetrated. I say hidden because I don't think it was ever openly discussed before it happened, but she seemed to just know that was something I might like. My hands were cuffed behind my back as I lay on my stomach with my ass raised. I felt her playing with my balls and stroking my cock, then I felt a pressure on my ass as she began to insert the rabbit-style vibrator into me. I sucked my breath in, feeling the toy fill me. It was a surprisingly pleasant sensation, a welcome addition to my prior anal play. I couldn't see her at all while she fucked my ass, which added to the experience.

I was honestly sorry when our time was over and she dressed to leave. Of the three escort experiences, this one has stood out as the most enjoyable, and she is the one I hope to see again the most. And in no small part this desire is driven by the simple fact that I really liked her. She was more than just a professional sex worker to me, but became more of a friend willing to help me find excitement and pleasure in every element of our time together.

She was shortly after that off to spend many months traveling the world, so a return visit has been delayed. We have written to one another a few times in the past months, and she is due to return to NYC sometime later this summer, and yes, I do hope that we can meet again. But that brings me to the sad truth about how escorts fit into my sex life. They are expensive. I hate that money must factor into my plans. I spent a lot of money between late November and early January on escorts. And I simply don't have the kind of expendable income to support this habit.

So as her return becomes eminent, I begin to wonder how I can make a return visit possible. Because she is in the City, it means I must not only come up with the cash for her donation but also must deal with the reality of high cost hotels. I was quite unhappy with the place I stayed when there with her in December and want a better place for our next meeting. Rather than a restaurant, I'd like to have a place where we can get room service to extend our quality time together. I'd also love to be able to spend the night together, not just a few hours. But that will require cash resources that are simply not available to me at the moment.

So I've been saving my pennies...but will it be enough? I know that if I can make it work, I will. I fantasize often of how our next meeting will be different. And look forward to it with great anticipation.

Next!

2010-07-13T08:22:00.000-04:00

Ok, so that attempt at finding a new partner in fun didn't work out. We did try a second date, but whatever magic had been there for date #1 was totally absent in #2...so we agreed that things were not going anywhere either of us was interested in exploring further. In my online dating experience, this is pretty normal. Actually pretty normal in any sort of dating I suppose.

So now I have to think about my next steps. Again feeling disappointed by the online process and dearth of women who will even look twice at a 60 year old man unless they are desperately looking for husband material. Which is not the role I am interested in filling.

But all this begs the question I asked in the previous post, what exactly am I looking for in a relationship? That's a harder question to answer than it should be.

I am open to short-term or long-term relationships
Sexual attraction is a must and should be welcomed early and passionately (actual sex is not necessary on first or second or even third date, but if we are unable to touch one another or even share a brief moment of physical closeness, then I am likely to draw back)
I want to have fun, laughter and playfulness trumps serious relationship discourse (a problem with this most recent attempt, she was into deep discussion of compatibility before we hardly knew one another)
I want someone who likes to have conversations, and enjoys a wide range of subjects. Intelligence is a huge turn-on for me.
I would like for my partner to be creative; an artist is great, but creativity can be expressed in many different ways
She should share my political and social philosophies enough so that we are not at odds on crucial issues ( I can't even imagine being with someone who admires Sarah Palin)
She should be curious, inquisitive, and passionate about something...really, just about anything. Passion in life is so very important and attractive
She should be a little "crazy," because that introduces some mystery into the relationship.
Age is a of little importance to me, though I know it is for most women. Like most men, the idea of a young woman as a lover is exciting, but really I doubt I could ever be in a long term relationship with someone much younger than 40.

I suppose I could go on and on. But that is hardly the point, or maybe even such a list is counterproductive. It is simply impossible to screen people online, or even in person, for a long list of wants and don't-wants. It does seem to come back to a question of "chemistry," that mysterious, unknown (unknowable) phenomenon we all feel when things are right.

If we come into a new relationship with a strict set of needs, we may simply miss the excitement and pleasure of discovery.

So, I wonder this morning...who's next?

What are we all looking for?

2010-07-08T07:12:00.000-04:00

My return to the world of online dating has not been going too smoothly. Mostly because I am not really putting my heart into it I suppose. Or my time.

A couple of weeks ago a began exchanging emails with a new woman, very close to my age, who had clearly indicated that I was actually at the younger end of her age range (what a pleasant change from the usual). Our emails went nicely and we moved on to telephone interaction. Still sounded good. So this past Saturday I drove down to see her (she lives about an hour away, not too bad a drive at all). We met at a diner and quickly moved on to a quaint village for some window shopping and strolling followed by a nice walk to a lighthouse along the Hudson River.

Out conversations covered the usual topics for our age group, kids, past relationships, online dating experiences, and such. She then invited me to her home to sit and chat. We had wine, talked of books, movies, education, work...all conversation pleasant and positive. After and hour or so, I put my arm around her shoulder and pulled her towads me, she turned quickly and kissed me with open mouth. I was honestly a bit surprised. Our conversations to this point had never indicated we were moving towards a first date hook up. And really, I was unprepared and, as it turned out after about 10 minutes of kissing and touching, she too was not inclined to consummate this deal on the first date.

So we retrieved ourselves and moved on to dinner at a nearby restaurant, after which I drove home with happy thoughts. Believing we had taken a wonderful first step on a happy journey. And for the next couple of days we exchanged emails that grew somewhat erotic in content, though not explicitly so. More poetically so...here's an example of one passage I wrote that was well recieved by her:

As I drove up the Thruway last night I drove past one after another fireworks displays in adjacent communities. Those bursts of color in the sky mirrored my thoughts of our time together. I felt fireworks while holding you in my arms. I sensed flashes of excitement as our open mouths pressed against one another. The pounding of blood in my ears as we touched and explored sounded like the loud bangs of exploding shells in the sky. I drifted into reveries of lying naked with you on a vast open field watching the building crescendo of a fireworks display as it moved, unstoppably, towards the finale. We held one another tightly and with each explosion of color and sound, our passion rose. Our fingers roamed across bare skin, exploring, searching, finding those secret spots that only a true lover knows. As the show culminated in a vast array of colorful showers and loud bangs, our bodies came together, joining passionately in response to the rhythm of the explosions above us. The sky, now filled with a vast array of expanding bursts, was reflected in your eyes as you lay beneath me, your legs embracing me as we too moved towards our own private finale.

As the long weekend ended, and she returned home from a visit with a friend in the City, I called her, hoping for a pleasant call . But something happened and I'm not sure what it was. All I can say is that in that conversation we each discovered something about the other that was not so much fun. She said I was sending her mixed messages. I asked what she meant. And then became defensive about my messages...definitely too defensive, even to the point where I know I crossed a line and became unpleasantly argumentative. The entire exchange hinged on this difference of opinion:

She has made it abundantly clear that she is searching for a man to become her life partner, someone to be a whole person in her life. The key being that she is "searching" for this man.

I, on the other hand, have said also quite clearly that I am not searching for the perfect woman in my life but if I happen to find her, that would be super.

She acknowledges that it may take time with a man before she knows if he is the right one. But she is tired of the pain associated with the process and wants to know up front if the man she is with has the same objective as she does. Wow, that seems a fair question on its face. Of course we'd like to know that before we enter the early days of a new relationship. Give me a crystal ball and let's look into the future. But we can't do that. We have to proceed one day at a time, unpeeling the complex layers of our lives and seeing how we fit with one another. This is not an easy process. It takes time.

Here's the difference as I feel it today. I want the process of discovery to be fun and playful. Open-minded. Cognizant that at any time we may uncover something that doesn't work for us. But I want the discovery to be about two people enjoying being with one another and enjoying the journey together. If we get two weeks, two months, or even two years down the road and decide that it is not to be, let's at least have had a good time with one another for the time we were together. But after the conversation on Monday, I don't feel the fun anymore. I feel that every sound that emerges from my lips is being screened for hidden meaning. That I am under microscope where she is studying and probing, looking for something that doesn't fit with her ideal model of a man.

So I find myself wondering if it is the relationship I want to explore. I sure thought it was. And, while our communication has changed since then, it is still there. But the passion is missing. And that's sad.

We have tentative plans to get together again on Sunday, go for a drive together, maybe hike in the mountains, go to Woodstock and reminisce about the 60's...could be fun and ignite the spark that we started with. Or it could just be a car ride filled with tension. So here it is, Thursday, and I'm not at all sure it will happen. Part of me wants to just call her and say it is not going to work. But maybe I'm being too quick to judge.

The next couple of days will tell.

My New Toy

2010-06-16T22:55:00.000-04:00

No, not THAT kind of toy!

I got an iPad tonight. So far have just been fooling around with it. Got a few apps but haven't gone too wild in theta department yet. Looking forward to the reader, some photo stuff, and getting all of my contacts, email, and calendar info in one place for a change.

think I'll go check out OKCupid now.

Out on the Hunt Again

2010-06-15T08:06:00.000-04:00

I've decided to step out once again into the world of online dating. I've had most luck with OK Cupid so I am spending a bit more time there now. Funny thing happened there a few days ago. I got a message from the adminstrators of the site telling me that I had recently reached some milestone on the site and I am now declared "attractive!" Apparently this means that a lot of visitors are clicking on my profile based on my picture. That alone seemed strange enough, but to add mystery, they now tell me that they will be presenting me with other attractive matches to contemplate. I know that OKC uses some complex algorithms to make these matches, but I wonder now just how unattractive I was before and who these "ugly" matches I was being connected to were.

Anyway, it doesn't seem to matter much. I still find that age is a major deterrent. By far the majority of women I find "attractive" set their age limit well below my 60 year old age. I get depressed seeing interesting looking possibilities, some of whom are well into their 50's who set age preferences from, oh, say 22-45. I know this is the age of the cougar, but really! 22??

I wish OKC could screen those out from my list of possibilities because honestly, I won't even send a message to anyone who has decided I am too old...I mean, why bother? I'd much rather see only those women who are open to seeing a 60 year old man.

This move back to the hunting ground was triggered by a realization that I have invested far too much of my personal time into a few close female friends who have made it very clear that we are not going to slide between the sheets together. I was at a birthday party this past weekend for one of those friends, someone with whom I have had spent a lot of time with in the past year. We had a sexual fling last summer, but then she hooked up with an old male friend and told me that she didn't want to mess that up by continuing to fuck me. But I like her a lot, yeah...a lot, so I have continued to see her quite regularly but we have become more like brother and sister. Her party slapped me in the face with the reality of her commitment to this other man and made me realize that I was falling into one of my usual patterns of expecting things to change just because I wanted them to.

I look back at my long history of failed relationships and see that one of my most consistent behaviors is to latch onto a fantasy of something that will never be. I can become friends very easily with women. But I am clueless about how to be a lover. The really depressing part of this realization is to see that this has been my pattern since I was a teenager. It is a very deep, very well traveled rut that leads me nowhere. I want to get out of it. I am sick of being a horny, unfulfilled man.Attractive though...OKC has told me so.

(I am forgingahead on OKC if anyone wants to check it out. By the way, for all you cougars among my readership, I am still 22 in my heart! And I do have sufficient stamina and enthusiasm in bed to keep it interesting.)

Teenaged Experimentation

2010-06-05T14:39:00.001-04:00

I have often been of the opinion that given our society's general acceptance -- compared to the 60's when I came of age -- of homosexuality that had I grown up 30 years later and had the same sorts of experiences I had as a teenager, I would have been labeled as gay. And to this day sometimes I wonder. I am not generally speaking physically attracted to men, but as I passed through puberty and began to explore sexuality virtually every sexual experience I had was with someone of the same sex. And even in my twenties, when I had finally had a few heterosexual relationships, I did on two occasions continue my explorations with men.

My first truly sexual experience was with a friend who was a year or so older than me. I had yet to have reached my sexual maturation, though he had. He had told me of how good it felt to rub himself and encouraged me to try as well. Never came to much of anything for me (no pun intended). One day, he and I found ourselves in our basement storage room. I don't recall how it happened, but somehow or another he convinced me to let him suck my dick and then for me to suck his. It was terribly awkward and embarrassing as I remember it. I enjoyed the warmth of his mouth wrapped around my cock, but I had no idea at all of why he was doing it. And when it came to be my turn to do him, it just felt weird. We never repeated it again, though he did ask many times.

But something in that activity must have made me curious. A year or so later, I began playing sexually with my then best friend Steve. We really had no idea of what was drawing us to one another that way. But it seems that whenever we were alone, we would kiss and rub against one another. On one occasion, we were in the basement lounging on a single bed my mother kept for guests. We again began to touch, kiss, and hump one another. At some point, I lost control and found myself pushing my hips harder and harder against him. My passion became intense and I felt a sudden and powerful release. I experienced my first orgasm. I was probably 12 or 13 years old and had absolutely no idea of what happened. Nor did Steve, though when we lowered my pants and found this sticky mess inside my underwear he seemed more aware of what it was then I did. He began to laugh and point at me saying, "Bob spermed his pants!" over and over.

And it had definitely felt wonderful. And, like most young boys discovering this pleasure, I soon wanted to do it again. I began masturbating and have most likely masturbated almost every day of my life since then. Steve soon after experienced his first orgasm and we confided in one another about how it felt. Soon we had graduated from fully clothed groping to full-on nude embraces accompanied by mutual masturbation. My memories of oral sex with my earlier friend led me to experiment sucking Steve. And soon he too was enjoying sucking on me. This became a fairly regular activity.

Socially, in the conservative town I grew up in the south, homosexuality (well, any sort of sexuality really) was pretty much unheard of among my age group. So we had no frame of reference to explain what we were doing with one another. The idea that we were queers or fags, the most common terms used in those days, never even crossed my mind. It was more like we released our mutual sexual tensions that were building in us because both of us were simply too shy to make our interests in girls known to them (a shyness that plagues me to this day). I had a five year long crush on Donna L, but never even once asked her out. Steve had a similar crush on Carol F. We became quite sexually charged by our school encounters with our female loves, but because we never ventured to try anything with them, our excitement was turned on one another.

We role played during our sexual encounters. I was his Carol F and he my Donna L. We would take turns playing out the sexual situations that we wanted to experience with our "girlfriend." And this went on from the time we first discovered we could get pleasure from our genitals until we both graduated high school and went on to separate colleges. So it was truly a real, long lasting sexual relationship, but with no feelings of intimacy other than the desire to get one another off.

I most certainly do not believe that I am truly gay. I've not had a cock in my mouth for more than 30 years and never had one in my ass; nor have I performed oral sex on a man for a similar period of time. I am not, as I said above, physically attracted to men. I have fantasized about sucking cock, particularly while watching some porn when a particularly alluring penis is presented. And I suppose given the right circumstances, I'd try again.

But had this same behavior happened in recent years, Steve and I would most likely have recognized -- or at least believed we recognized -- that we were indeed gay. But I think we were just experimenting. And experimenting is just that. I wonder when I hear of boys today at extremely early ages "coming out" and expressing that they are gay. Do they really understand what they are saying?

Finances at 60

2010-06-01T19:01:00.000-04:00

I've been contemplating recently how tired I have become of the day-in day-out rigmarole of work. I turn 60 in a couple of months and, being in an area with lots of State employees, I am surrounded by people my age who are already retired. I find myself envying their freedom.

But I have been a terrible money manager in my life. Always have been. My divorce ten years ago wiped out any savings that existed up to that time. And I've done nothing to build it back up. So retirement is not really in the cards for me.

So when I came home today and found that the Social Security Administration had sent me an accounting for my past work and my future stipend, it was a shock. Well, not really a shock as I have known this for some time, but the mail reminded me of the dreariness that faces me.

If I was to take advantage of my earliest retirement in two years, my monthly income would be a whopping $1,500. I could survive on that. But not really live. In six years I can retire at "Full Retirement" for $2,078. A touch better, but not enough. Ten years out, $2,822.

By then I will have worked for more than 50 years (I entered the workforce in 1968 when I earned $373 for the entire year). And there are no guarantees that Social Security will even be around in ten years given the political atmosphere of the USA at present.

So I have to suck it up and face it, I have ten more years of this ahead of me. Argh.

By the way, I make considerably more now than I did in 1968. Just wish I could figure out how to save some of it.

Watchers

2010-05-08T19:26:00.003-04:00

Something I've been pondering recently is a phenomenon that I actually experienced myself and one that seems to me to be part of the "Sex Party" porn industry.

That is this: there are almost always a group of men in the room, apparently guests at the party, who do nothing during the sex scenes but act as extras in the background. Fully dressed. And in some (i.e. most college sex party type of movies), they hoot and holler through every new sex act as it occurs. The revealing of a breast. The emergence of a hard cock to be sucked. The panties beginning to fall. First penetration. And so on.

I have always thought this was just plain odd. I mean, it's supposed to be a sex party, why are these guys just sitting around or standing around watching? I guess the simple fact is the movies are totally staged, even though they attempt to make the parties look somewhat spontaneous. Or at least that was my opinion before I became one of those guys.

The one and so far only sex party I went to was unlike anything I have seen in porn, with the exception of the watchers. I will say however that at the party I went to, there were a few female watchers as well. That's how I hooked up with the one person I did actually have real physical contact with. We were watching next to one another. And things happened.

But aside from that single interlude, I was among the fully clothed watchers whenever I found myself in the upstairs rooms. I was very conscious of being a watcher and it made me extremely uncomfortable. At least no one expected us to hoot and holler. (Though there was a moment of hooting and hollering late in the party when, during some pussy eating, one of the women squirted. That got an reaction from the watchers.)

So, here's my question.

For those of you more familiar with this lifestyle, please tell me, is this a common occurrence? I understand that most parties don't like single guys to show up, but in the movies there are usually enough women there for all the guys, particularly if they teamed up a bit.

If it is common, what are these guys getting out of it? Do they rush back to their rooms and wack off?

I sense sometimes that they are ashamed of their bodies. I've seen many where a guy may get his cock out for a handjob and then quickly shove it away and go back to hooting and hollering. Are men really that shy? I know I'm not. I'll strip naked in front of anyone. (Well, within reason, of course)

I think my fantasy of a sex party of the sort that I would like will most likely remain a fantasy.

Single Sex at Sixty???

2010-04-28T20:24:00.001-04:00

So I noticed that if you put a question mark after the name of my blog it raises an interesting question. Here are a few answers as I see it. I still have a few months before I reach that milestone, so maybe things will be different by then. Anyway here are a few answers to the question:

1. There is none.
2. Thank god for free internet porn.
3. Free internet porn gets very boring
4. Money helps
5. It's an awful lot like work.

That's good enough for starters.

The Libertine

2010-04-18T19:42:00.000-04:00

I've been having a blast with Netflix recently and have been exploring a number of erotic films that have found there way into the Netflix collection. Several have been surprisingly explicit (9 Songs for one).

Tonight I watched The Libertine, a film made in 1969, about the same time that I was discovering pron in my life. But for some reason this film had escaped my notice until it popped up as a choice from Netflix. I have found their recommendations to usually be quite accurate. (If they say I may enjoy it, surprisingly I usually do. Guess I'm pretty transparent).

I wish I had known of this film back then. It might have made a difference in my life. The story is of a young married woman whose husband dies somehow (not sure they ever told us how). She inherents everything including a mysterious property that his business managers knew nothing about, in fact they had no key. She found the key and visited the place, discovering her husband's other side. He was into a wide array of kinky sex, and had filmed it all. Mimi (the main character) discovers her own best freind in some of the films.

But watching the film arouses her and sets up a discussion of the why he didn't do such things with her. Of course, the reason would have been that she was his "wife" and not to be treated like that. She sets out on the rapid exploration seducing one man after another. She discovers that she most enjoys horseplay fantasies and insists on having several men carry her on their back while she has one orgasm after another.

The final scene shows her with her new husband, riding his back all over their house and backyard. Finally she found a man who took the kinkiness in stride and expressed his understanding of the need for imaginative play during sex to keep it fresh and exciting.

So, in the end, she crosses for wife to slut and then to some sort of slutty-wife...where she apparently finds happiness everafter.

I Was the Other Side of the Coin

2010-04-11T19:10:00.003-04:00

I thought I'd try and tell a story of my sex life at its lowest point. My inspiration for recalling and recording this story stems from the recent posts on Real Princess Diaries about women who are not getting the sex they need at home so they are finding out how easy it is to just step out for it.

Kids and work had taken their toll on C's and my interest in sex. Frequency slipped. What had been several times a week before kids, dropped dramatically to the point that I believe there were periods between sex (and mean sex in broader sense as defined by Alexa) that lasted up to a year. And I'd have to admit that the reason for that had more to do with me than she.

When we finally realized our marriage was over, C began to spend a lot of time on the Internet. She found a particularly prolific erotic writer, whose name I have forgotten, and made it her goal for several weeks to find him (his posts were anonymous, with a nom de plume). And she did. He lived in Virginia and was a very experienced Master, with several live-in Slaves. They courted (if that's what we still call it) online and on phone (pre-text days) for several weeks.

I was perfectly aware of this. I'd feel her slip from the bed in the middle of the night and go to the family room. She'd return in about an hour, and fall immediately to sleep.

She went to see him twice. With me taking her to the airport and then picking her up after. Once she was there for about a week. Based on my recollections, if it wasn't for the kids, she probably would have stayed longer -- perhaps much longer. But as it was, they split and she continued her hunt locally. I know of at least once when she had a man to the house during the day. Most likely happened more than that.

How did I feel about this? I understood that she had legitimate complaints with my behavior; and I always believed that she was free to do what she needed to do. So I came to think I was open and accepting of what was going on.

If only that was true.

The Worst is Over, Coming Back

2010-04-10T09:15:00.000-04:00

I think I am finally beginning to emerge from the deep funk I fell into shortly after the sex party incident I have written of here.

The real issue is that in March and early April of each year I "celebrate" (hardly the right word) the anniversary of a period of my life that really was the pits of my personal life. The last few years of my 19 year long marriage were very difficult and I got involved with some very bad behaviors. Each year for the past 10 years or so, I slip into this valley of my life while my unconscious thoughts mill over the actions and repercussions of the decisions I made. I deal with guilt. I deal with regrets. I deal with shame.

I paid a very high price for those days. I still pay that price. And will for the remainder of my life.

But the worst is over this year. At least I feel like it is. Not sure I will swing back to where my mind was when I began this blog. Maybe. The more important issue for me is not this blog, or whether I write powerful erotica. The more important issue for me, and what is the real goal for this blog, is dealing with my thoughts, feelings, actions, personal history and self doubts as I walk the world and try to find whatever it is I need in the way of relationships with others. I thought I found it in this sex positive community, and I sort of believe this is still the best place for me to work on defining what I want/need.

No promises, but I do want to post more often here. I do want to explore my personal sexual history in writing, to untangle the many threads of confusion that have left me alone as I approach 60 years old.

Learning about sex in a church

2010-04-04T10:22:00.000-04:00

No, this is not going to be an explicit story of sexual explorations in a church. Sorry.

It is about a part of my sexual education growing up in a Virginia town during the 50's and 60's.

I grew up Catholic, but this is not a story about that either. In fact, it is a story about is how my parents (and the parents of several of my friends) copped out on their responsibility to talk to us one on one about sex.

I don't recall a lot of the details of this story. I could make them up and create a fun little "coming of age" tale, but that is not my intent.

Along about the time I was maybe 13 or 14...well actually a little older when I think about it because I had my driver's license already, so let's say I was at least 16 which was how old I was when I got my license (calendar-wise we are talking about 1966). (Wow, it just occurred to me that this event took place when I was that old...would anyone wait till their kids were 16 now to explain the 'facts of life?')

Anyway...for reasons I have no knowledge of, several families of friends decided that we teenagers needed to have a healthy, moral, religion-based education in sex. So a local church (I believe Presbyterian, but I don't really recall) offered this class. It took place at the church on, if I remember correctly, several consecutive Friday nights. Maybe as many as ten weeks...maybe less.

I don't recall the content of the classes at all. I mean, I have absolutely no recollection of who taught it, what the topics were, how the classes were set up. Nothing. I remember nothing at all about what I was supposed to be learning.

What I do recall is the activity after the classes. You see, our parents were kind of ignorant about teenagers and sexuality. So they allowed us to "car pool" to the class. I went with my friend Steve (with whom I had explored mutual masturbation and oral sex quite thoroughly already). We were asked by our parents to give a ride to a daughter of another of their friends. I don't remember her name now, let's call her Sara.

So Steve, and Sara, and I would sit through these sessions about sexuality. I guess it was about sex, but perhaps they flitted around the meat of the subject and talked more about waiting till we were married. Probably what happened. Anyway, when the class ended the three of us would pile into either my car or Steve's (well, actually our parent's car, neither of us had our own wheels). All three would pack into the front seat and then we drove around. Driving around was the major social activity for teens in my town. Cruise through the Hardees parking lot, maybe get brazen and drive up on the mountains and cruise the Blue Ridge Parkway. Point is, we were out in a car, three teenagers primed with thoughts of sex, and no one expecting us home for hours.

So as it happened, this became an interesting time for us to experiment a bit with what we learned. A little homework as it were. But all three of us were geeky, nerdy types. And even though the opportunity for craziness existed, little actually happened. There was some kissing and touching. But nothing more.

So now, I look back on those days and wonder why nothing more did happen. Were we somehow brainwashed in those classes to set some limit on how far we went? Was our innocence dictated by the culture we lived in? Or was it simply because we were just too damned shy to understand how to move forward from a little silly kissing and petting to passion? Personally, I believe it was the latter.

Snake Sex

2010-03-22T22:38:00.000-04:00

Did anyone see the show Life on Discovery on Sunday night?

If not you missed some serious hard core reptile porn! There was a wonderful orgy scene. And underwater intercourse. And even something akin to gay sex.

But really, the photography in that show is simply phenomenal. I can't understand how they managed to get such sequences of action. The toad bouncing down the cliff was unbelievable with so many camera shots having been preplanned.

If you missed it, the next one is on next Sunday.

Where Have I Been?

2010-03-20T09:48:00.002-04:00

It is pretty apparent that I am not around this sex blogging world as much as I used to be. There are many reasons for this.

Physically, I have been busy with life. Some enjoyable, like the photography. But, mostly work. It has been a busy year so far. And a good year in many ways. But a good, busy year means that I am putting in even more hours than I usually do. In fact, while the rest of the residents of my area will enjoy what is probably our best weather since last fall, I will be working all weekend.

Mentally, I have been feeling myself withdraw from the world in strange and unpleasant ways. I met with my counselor yesterday and discussed this in some detail. While there is a long and complex history behind this, we have mutually agreed that this withdrawal can be tracked back to my attendance at the sex party I wrote of here and here. That party and the way I experienced it triggered some very old insecurities in my life and has, unfortunately, sent me on a path that is not all that healthy for my mental state.

So I am struggling in a lot of ways to keep myself in a positive state of mind. I am no longer so determined to explore as I thought I was. It is so much more important to face my own insecurities about who I am and how I relate to others. There simply are no easy answers in life. And age complicates it all. It baffles me that, as I rush towards 60, I am still immersed in adolescent confusion.

Not Feeling Very Sexy

2010-03-06T10:43:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted much recently. It would be easy to put the blame for that at the feet of "working too hard," "too busy with real life to post," or some other simple reason. But the real reason is much more difficult to express.

I just am not feeling sexy now. My thoughts don't turn to sexual reverie during the day. I am not filled with mental images of fantastical interludes. I am not "out there" looking for sexual encounters.

In some ways I understand that this is a psychological reaction to my lifetime of failure as a sexual being. I go through cycles in my life when sex is an obsession. When I feel an overwhelming need for physical intimacy with another person. But it seems whenever I am in those periods all of the inhibitions that have dominated my life just wash back over me and I get frustrated and confused. Those old and familiar, but unpleasant, emotions come back. My thoughts turn negative. I slowly realize that for all of my talk about how I want to change, about how I am "exploring" my new found awareness of my own sexuality, the underlying reality is that I am the person that I am. That changing that is not just as simple as telling myself I am different now from what I was a year ago, or ten years ago, or thirty years ago.

I am basically a shy and reserved man when it comes to sex. And have always been that way.

So last year, as I discovered this world of sex-positive people, I thought I was finding an avenue through those negative self images. I convinced myself that it was ok to find what I 'needed' in escorts. I burned through almost all of my discretionary money and had a number of spectacular (and a few less than spectacular) encounters that brought me pleasure that lasted for an hour or so. But it was not the answer.

I was given an opportunity to experience one of my most intense personal fantasies by attending a sex party. But as documented on this blog, that experience only underscored how difficult it is to shed my personal inhibitions.

So, I drifted away. My thoughts turned away from those fantasies, because I just don't know how to turn fantasy into reality. And it makes me unhappy.

I sublimate my sexual desires by throwing myself into my work. By absorbing myself in my photographic interests. By doing anything that keeps my thoughts from returning to that place where I want, I need, I desire but cannot get, have, or enjoy.

I ramble. I suppose in a few days or weeks or months, the sexy will return. Perhaps I will encounter someone today who brings it back. But as I write these words, I wonder if I will be able to recognize it when it happens.

A Crumb Trail

2010-03-02T20:15:00.001-05:00

I don't leave crumbs behind as I travel the path of my life. So, sometimes I get a little lost. Leads me to some interesting spots. I meet some great people. I even make a few friends. Hell, once I ended up getting married for 19 years. So anyway, I have been away for a few days from even thinking about this blog. Could it really have only been three months since I began with enthusiasm and a grand plan for the series of regular stories?

But in recent weeks, I am slipping away. I can sense it. I have an understanding after all of these years what it feels like when I leave one experience and slip into another.

Of course there are some elements of my life that dominate. Work is definitely number 1. I suppose even that is true for my past as well as my current status. I've always been there for the extra hours, throwing something of myself into my work in such a way that I feel as though I own it.

There is photography. That is number 2. And has taken its share of time this year. For those who follow me on Twitter, you know I have been alive and well, posting some new pics on my photoblog. I enjoy that. I enjoy the social world of the Photo Center. I like being around creative people.

So, I have a few women friends who I enjoy getting out with once in a while. Art nights. Gallery openings, plays, movies, ... we have fun. Ho Hum ...

Nope, no sex in my life right now. So...not much to write about on this blog. I tell the same tale over and over again as I remember past transitions. And the only common feature in all of them is me. Hmmm? That gives one pause to think. So that's where I've been. Off thinking. But forgot the trail of crumbs as I thought. And my mind took me other places. And I did other things. And sex was not important. And I have all but forgotten why I started this blog in the first place.

But it is here now. A crumb along my path.

Nudity in 2010

2010-02-21T10:58:00.000-05:00

As most of you know, I participated in a figure study photo workshop last Saturday. We worked with three models and several different sets and lighting arrangements. At one point I did a series of pretty traditonal 'figure study' images of one of the models. There was nothing remotely 'erotic' or sexual about these pictures, so felt perfectly comfortable posting this on my photoblog.

My photoblog is hosted on a service called My-Expressions. My-expressions used to be a paid service, but the owners decided a little over a year ago that they wanted to do other things so they closed the service to future accounts while telling all of us who already had accounts that from then on the service would be free. Of course this meant that they would have no ongoing stream of income to support the site and most of us sensed that eventually, theis wonderfully easy-to-use service would go away. So far, it is doing fine. But many of the old users have moved on to other hosts and membership in the site has dwindled.

All this is by way of introduction to the little bump of controversy raised by my post of a nude figure on my site. I recieved a comment (from one of my old-time friends from My-Expressions) shortly after posting that read:

Because of this nude photography, I won't ask friends to visit my-expressions.com.  The photo is good, but it's not appropriate for family viewing.

To which I replied, via a direct email:

I am quite surprised by your reaction. First of all, this is far from the first nude photo posted on my site. And nowhere have I ever proclaimed forgingahead to be a "family oriented" site. However, in the broader context of art, I wonder if you refuse to recommend museums that include nude art forms. This is a photograph that shows a woman's breasts. What is so terrible about that?

There are more coming in future days. This is the type of photography I am doing right now. If it offends you, I suggest you stop visiting.

And posted on the site itself:

I am shocked that in 2010 a photograph of a woman's breasts done in an artistic manner, with no hint of eroticism or sexuality, should engender such a reply as provided by Susan. The study of the human figure dates back in history to our earliest known art forms.

On a personal level, this is the type of photography I am doing now. Most of my interest lies in the face, and specifically in the eyes, but rest assured this is not the last of the nude photos to grace this site. I strongly suggest that if you find it offensive that you simply stop visiting my site.

Then I received both a direct email response to my message:

As I said... I will no longer ask friends and family to look at My-Expression's home page. I'm sure there are others who feel the same as I do. You can certainly exercise your rights, but you are not helping My-Expressions as a whole.

I'm sure you've noticed that My-Expressions membership is dwindling. The time will come when the hosting comes to an end due to low membership. Posting "adult content" is only speeding up the process.

And this comment on the web site:

Bob... this is not about the photo (well done and tasteful) but it's appropriateness in this forum that is used by families who don't want their children and grandchildren viewing "adult content."

I replied via email:

My point is simply that this is hardly "adult content" and if you or others think that it is you must be living a terribly sheltered life.

I am sorry for my tone but I simply think your viewpoint is twisted. There are more explicit nudes on display in public buildings than this one. If you had expressed an issue with yesterday's post, that I could have understood because it was at least a little edgy. But this post is a traditional figure study and nothing more. You choose to read more into it than is there. That sounds like your issue, not mine.

For the record, my daily visitations to forgingahead, which a few years ago numbered in the hundreds per day, had fallen to an average of less than 10 per day. Since I began posting the, most recent series of shots my visits have more than quadrupled. Seems to me that more people want to see this than what I had been posting in recent months.

My-Expressions membership is dwindling because Lor and Gordon are no longer supporting it, marketing it, or allowing any sort of expansion. It has nothing to do with content. All of us who use it must recognize that it will be going away someday. That's life.

Then I received the message that really got me.

I didn't look at your previous post, and I don't intend to. Today's post was hard to miss.

What you don't understand is that MANY people believe that public nakedness is a sin. That's Biblical. That's God's point of view, and that's my point of view. I understand that you don't agree with me. I've not intended to insult you or anger you, but only to point out that this does bother a lot of people.

Let's look at this closely.

"Public nakedness is a sin." Hmm. What I recall from my childhood is that I saw my first naked woman's breasts depicted in color plates in our family Bible. I can easily recall many images of naked men and women in religious iconography, art displayed in churches around the world.

"That's Biblical." Well, I don't want to insult anyone, but personally, but I am not much of a proponent of taking my life direction from the Bible. It is pretty easy to support just about any point of view you want to with that agglomeration of historical and spiritual tales. I don't deny that reading the Bible can help some to find direction and meaning in their lives; but I don't buy that those words are the direct "word of God." And again, I wonder where in the Bible we find this aversion to nudity? Which leads us to the next statement.

"That's God's point of view." As I recall, it was not God who had an issue with nudity. It was Adam and Eve following their biting into the infamous apple who decided that their nakedness was offensive to the Lord. Sounds to me that God was perfectly happy with nudity. It was people who made it an issue.

I chose at that point in the debate to bow out. I choose as a matter of course not to engage in philosophical debates with Bible-thumpers. I don't pretend to know the Bible well enough to get into an exchange of carefully selected passages that make one person's points, because I don't have the knowledge to find the counterpoint that I am confident can be found. But mostly it is because I find that folks who turn to the Bible as the ultimate truth are generally ignorant about areas that I consider important, such as "evolution."

One final comment came from my good friend, and one of the models from the photo shoot, Faye:

I am very, very happy that for all of my family's failings, a woman's bare breasts were never considered something to be hidden, or something reserved for "adult" eyes. 

This image is far from adult content, by any stretch of the imagination; indeed, many religious artworks contain more than bare breasts, and i'm sure you would not advocate children (and/or grandchildren) being denied viewing the works of Michelangelo or DaVinci. 

Moreover, I cannot find a reference anywhere that Bob has made claim that his blog was appropriate for "family viewing" (i am using this term in the same narrow-minded way that you choose to, not the broader, saner way i would use those words). Although I find nothing objectionable here, if you do you are free to not look; as Bob says, you are free to not visit this blog.

I invite any of my readers to visit my site and look at the image. Is it offensive? Would you find it difficult to look at that image with your 8 year-old son or daughter? Because, that is the question raised by Susan. Somehow, this picture that shows a young woman's bare breasts is not acceptable. But consider for one moment the images we are constantly barraged with on TV.

Finally, as I pointed out to Susan in my email. The "nude" images I have been posting recently have boosted my site traffic by a factor of 3 or 4. So while she may argue that there are "MANY people believe that public nakedness is a sin," the evidence suggests that MANY more are not offended by it at all.

So let's hear from you.

An Interesting New Blog and My First Nudist Experience

2010-02-16T08:09:00.002-05:00

I know that I have been quiet here. I have been going through some days of trying to figure out how I want to continue with this site. I started out with a primary interest in writing erotica combined with a a few personal stories scattered in. My mind still swells with the little stories; but my personal life has drifted back to where it started.

A relatively new blog @warrioryoda pointed out on Twitter yesterday, Understanding the Psychology of Your Sexuality, raised an interesting idea that was consistent with what I've been trying to say in many of my recent posts (most notably in the Sex Party posts). My way of putting it has been wrapped in the simple line: "Wherever you go, there you are." In this new blog, Dr. John Beiter talks about how our sexual history, how we learned about sex, sets up patterns of behavior that stay with us through our lives and that are difficult to escape.

Of particular interest to me was his discussion of how many males learned about sex as a secret, private, and impersonal activity. That was certainly true for me. My father never said a single word to me about sex as I grew up. And my mother...well, I've written about my mother's sage advice to me at puberty. So learning about sex was relegated to private moments with a few of my friend.

One of my first experiences in which sexuality first arose was when I was probably about 10 or 11 years old. A friend of mine who was a year or so older then me had discovered a nudist magazine while on vacation and had sneaked it home to share with me. We were fascinated with the images in the magazine and thought it would be fun to start our own nudist "colony." There was an empty lot on a corner near our houses that had grown tall with weeds. My friend and I broke down weeds to make a trail into the center of the lot and then matted down a "room" in the center where we would go and remove our clothes and then just hang out naked. Soon after we began this, he convinced a sister (a year younger than me) and another girl (his age) to join us and another male friend also began to join us. So there were five of us, age range from about 9 or 10 to 12 or so, who would daily make off to this little club house, shed our clothes and just hang out. I recall that all of us boys had erections during these episodes. And I have a distinct recollection of my friend's sister playing with herself and telling us how it felt good. Idiot that I was with respect to sexual things, I tried to imitate her by playing with the opening to my penis and discovered that it didn't feel good at all! In fact it hurt.

This little club lasted for several weeks until one day we came down to discover the weeds had been cut and our nudist days were over.

What is the point? None of the five of us had a clue what was going on. In retrospect it was a highly sexually charged setting, but not one of us had any idea what sex was. Probably a good thing too, because I suspect if we did there would have been some lost virginity happening.

Thoughts on Being Single at (nearly) Sixty

2010-02-12T21:58:00.001-05:00

It occurred to me in the past few days that I have spent a fairly large chunk of my adult life in a state of "being single." If by single we mean: not in a relationship that included sexual activity. So I did a quick calculation, using years as the gross measure of "single" or "not single." Years classified as 'single' included some where I lived completely on my own (no roommates) or years when I may have between 1 and 8 room/housemates, but did not have a sexual relationship in any of those settings that lasted more than a few weeks at the most.

So I selected 1972 as my starting point. June of '72 I graduated from college and went on my own. There were a few little flings of one sort or another scattered through my twenties. But not until my late twenties and early 30's did I begin to have somewhat better encounters, but still none that lasted long until I met C, my wife-to-be. That was in the fall of 1980 and we married in 1982. I was in a mostly monogamous relationship until we were divorced in 2001. Since then I have again mostly lived in a state of being single. That's almost 45% of my adult life.

So I suppose you'd think that by now I'd have this part of my life pretty well pegged. Hardly.

1000 Profile Views

2010-02-09T22:49:00.001-05:00

I wanted to put something on this site tonight but wasn't sure what. Then I noticed that my "Profile Views"" on Blogger just hit 1000.

That doesn't seem like a very accurate measure of much, but it must be some kind of a milestone worth celebrating! So thanks to all of my loyal readers...ahem...for making this possible.

Sorry but I haven't much to write about on my mind tonight. Have recovered from being sick the last two weeks, and now work issues loom large. I took my older son out for dinner tonight. Ended up at an Outback Steakhouse. I had some issues with service and managed to get a free bloomin' onion and two free desserts because of it. I was satisfied with the deal, though I will say the service was the worst I've experienced in a long time. About 15 minutes from time when they seated us until I finally went in search of a waiter. Then another five before he showed up. Then two more times during the meal, the waiter disappeared long enough for me to wonder where he was. Gaah. Service most places now is sooo bad. But this was over the top.

FetLife?

2010-02-06T10:56:00.001-05:00

I keep hearing about FetLife. Not sure it is a place for me, but I thought there would be no way to really understand this without trying so this morning I signed up (SexySixty for those interested). As usual my first stop after getting the basics set up is to search the local profiles. So I search for my home town. There are a few more than 10 profiles listed. Every one of them is a male. Not even one woman listed. How typical.

I opened the net to several nearby communities and found a larger sample that begins to reveal some women, but few of any interest to me.

One more example, in my mind, that I live in some kind of black hole of sexuality.

A Thank You HNT

2010-02-04T06:54:00.001-05:00

I had some wonderful comments on my post yesterday. I'd like to take time to respond to each point made, but the fact is I am still feeling like crap and don't have the energy. I need to get to my doctor today because for the first time since getting this damned cold (almost 2 weeks ago!), I can tell there is an infection moving into my sinuses.

I suppose I need to make a few posts about some of my real experiences on various "hook-up" sites like AFF. Several peple (all women) have suggested to me that I join one site or another but I'm not sure you realize that my experiences on these sites is very simple. There are very very few women compared to the number of men. I can write the most wonderful profile statement, and a flawless introductory email, and will simply be overlooked. I have had "success" on most sites but for the effort required, it is not very satisfactory. And the ultimate fact is that I have never found anyone within 200 miles on most of these sites. The only two exceptions are OK Cupid and Cupid.com where I have met and dated many local women. A few of whom continue to be friends of mine to this day.

But I feel I am repeating myself. So here's my offering for today. Taken in a nice whirlpool bath I had in my room last Thursday when I was in Dayton, OH for a meeting. If you followed my story on Twitter, you may recall that we had some serious problems with the equipment we were delivering to the Air Force when we arrived at the hotel after midnight. This soak in the bath was at about 2 or 3 am and helped to calm my mind before my early morning meeting.

Happy HNT!!

In a Fucking Rut

2010-02-03T08:51:00.000-05:00

So tired of feeling sick. Bored to death with the repetitive blatherings on Twitter. Feeling my IM friendships are just spinning wheels with no traction. Uninterested in paying for any more 'dating' sites. Not finding any positive relationships emerging from my personal life.

In a fucking rut. And feeling like it is time for yet another change.

Age continues to be the reason I keep coming back to. I am too old for most people I encounter on Twitter. Maybe they don't think so (though I suspect they do), but I know that I do. I don't like the feeling of chatting about having sex with someone young enough to be my daughter (or even grand daughter?). And I have done it many times. Have had cybersex with 20 year olds, for crying out loud. So I am pretty much extracted from that world now. I peek in a few times a day and find the same people, saying the same things, to the same other people. Tedious. And I find I have nothing at all to add to the conversation, even if I was welcome to join in.

So where are the older women?

I had an interesting discussion with a good, sexually positive woman friend the other day. She is a few years younger than me, and yes, we have enjoyed a few sexual encounters, but that is not what our friendship is about anymore. She is adventurous in her sexuality and always has been. But she spends a lot of time with a group of older women (40s and 50s mostly). And they talk about sex and relationships a lot. According to her individual sample of some 20 or 30 women, she says none of them -- not a single one -- has any interest in sexual exploration. All are more concerned with safety; and not interested in anything beyond whatever they may have now. Which varies from no sex at all to an occasional lovemaking session with a husband or significant other. But masturbation, toys, porn, erotic photographs, multiple partners, swinging, or any form of kinkiness are simply not in their repertoire of sexual activity. Nor of any interest to them.

When I found this world of sex bloggers I felt like I had pulled back a curtain on a wider truth I had been previously unaware of. It felt to me that I was learning a secret all more sexually active men had known for much longer than I had: to wit, all women, regardless of their age, have this private sex life that is exciting and driven by a desire for pleasure.

But is this really true? For those of us raised during the sexually repressed days of the 50's and early 60's, I suspect not. My friend had a wonderfully open minded mother. They lived in the NYC and hobnobbed in an artistic community so my friend grew up with more open sexual attitudes than did many of the her friends. Rather, they, like me, learned that sex was not a wonderful gift given to us to enjoy; but more of a curse to put up with and tolerate.

So where do I turn? I am not at all convinced that I will ever find what I am looking for cruising Twitter, engaging in IM cybersex with women around the world, joining sites that promise a quick lay (but are really just another way to throw money down the toilet).

OK, I admit it. I am in a pissy mood today. I just finished reading Emmy's account of a swinger party she went to. And could not help but compare it to the one I went to a few weeks ago. Enjoying such a party clearly entails being involved in an open, sexually positive relationship with someone. And I am just not at that place in my life.

Salty Broth

2010-02-01T20:18:00.004-05:00

If you have stopped by to read of some sexual fantasy or account of some recent activity, don't bother to read past this paragraph. This post is about food. And if it gets a tiny bit suggestive as I write, then maybe that is just in your mind.

I have not been eating well recently. I mean, my diet hasn't been where it should be. Too much crap. Tonight, when I got home I was feeling like last week's cold, which had seemed to be getting much better, suddenly hit me like a brick. I'm not feeling all that well tonight.

I decided that I needed to eat something better than frozen pizza, hamburger stroganoff ( a concoction my Mother taught me when I went out to live on my own), or some airport crap. I can cook. I can cook pretty well too. But I haven't for a long time. Partly because my current apartment has a crappy kitchen. Partly because, well hell, it gets boring fixing meals for myself.

Some may recall that I spent a part of New Year's Even making chicken soup. Well, at the time I had frozen some for a later cold winter day. That was today.

So I retrieved the frozen block of soup from the freezer and put it into the microwave to thaw. I just wanted it to a slurpy ice stage so it took a few minutes. I scooped some in a pan because I wanted to heat it up that way. Not sure why. Probably doesn't taste that different.

But I simmered the soup on the stove. It's rich aroma, with a hint of the curry I had used to spice the stock, filled the air of the apartment. The aroma pushed back the cold feeling pressing from outside. The apartment felt great. And my appetite was curious. What a thrill to be able to taste real food again. I ladled the heated soup to a bowl and sat it before myself at the table.

I leaned forward and inhaled the steamy air rising from the bowl. Looked down into the bowl to see the large, tender chunks of carrots, celery, cut green beans, and chicken surrounded by the curried rice broth. I skimmed my spoon through the broth and retrieved a shallow scoop of just broth. I sipped it gently between my pursed lips, enjoying both its texture and burst of flavor as the liquid spilled across my tongue. Now my taste buds were fully engaged, so I let the spoon dive deeper into the hot spicy broth, raising the content to my mouth, hungry to chew and taste. The meat was tender, almost to the point of melting in my mouth. The veggies way overcooked, but their nutrients now blended thoroughly in the broth. So I worked my way down the bowl. Alternating between a few slurps to satisfy my thirst for the salty juices and long deep droughts to enjoy the substance of the soup.

I was so glad to have finally shed myself of the crap food I had been eating.

But then I recalled that I had a bag of Ghirardelli Milk Chocolate and Caramel candies. In the freezer. I took one out and allowed it to thaw for few minutes then split it in two. Still mostly frozen, the caramel was stiff, but still somewhat pliable. It pulled out into a long string between the two halves as I drew them apart, ultimately getting too long and splitting, the long strings of caramel hanging below. I moved one to my mouth, letting the long string of sweetness fall between my open lips, then sucking it slowing into the mouth and across my tongue. As the chocolate reached my mouth, my tongue came forward, lapping at the rich creaminess of the candy, which now quickly melted in the warmth of my fingers and the lashing of my tongue. Soon, the tips my fingers were coated in smooth silky chocolate and amber colored stickiness. My tongue went to work, licking the combination slowly, then sucking the finger tips in to suck all the remaining flavors.

xoxo
Good night

HNT for the End of January

2010-01-28T07:11:00.002-05:00

I have really not been feeling well this week. I think it's payback for having told one of my employees last week that "I never get sick." You should never say something like that because you're just asking for trouble. So of course on Monday I began to feel the cold coming one. By Tuesday afternoon it was bad. I slept for ten hours that night, and woke feeling a bit better, but still bad.

Today I woke way early and felt awful, sort of like I look in this HNT shot.

And to top it all off, I have to make a trip to Daytn, OH this afternoon for a meeting with the Air Force tomorrow morning.

But Saturday will be good. I am doing a workshop on photographing details of faces (eyes, lips, etc) and working with several models, a make up artist, and a hair stylist. I am really looking forward to that. And the Photo Center in Troy is hold several great workshops in February, including one on "French Boudoir Photography" that I think should be a lot of fun.

An Old Story -- The Biker Bar

2010-01-25T08:11:00.001-05:00

I was browsng some of my older files and tripped on this little story I wrote a few years ago. Hope you enjoy it.

When you decided that we should go that divey bar on Route 40 for a drink, I had second thoughts. That place was always filled with a rowdy crowd, not at all like me. I’m a professional, I hang out with professional people. That bar...well, that bar had a reputation for fights, drugs, and who knew what else.

We entered the bar. It was nearly dark in the room. Only a few lights over the bar illuminated the main area and off to the back, there was a pool table with the usual overhead pool lamp above it. A group of four large men, all with long hair, a couple with long beards, and all wearing full leathers were playing a round of pool at the table. There were a few other people scattered around the room, but they were either absorbed in their own conversations or quietly nursing a beer.

We sat at a small two-top table in the middle of the room and the bartender walked around. He leered at you, dressed in a low cut, tight tee shirt and short skirt that hid little. Me, he practically ignored.

“What’ll be honey,” he asked you.

And you told him, “We’ll have a couple of beers.”

He brought the beers around , but not before the pool table crowd caught wind of your presence. The perfume I suppose. The largest of them sauntered to the table, and like the bartender, acted as if I wasn’t even there.

“Hot stuff you have there babe!” he growled, and used the tip of the cue stick to trace along the curves of you braless tits. I noticed that you didn’t appear fearful, instead your nipples were erect, protruding obviously from your shirt.

“Hey guys, look at this! This babe is HOT for me,” he called his friends over. They crowded around the table and took turns running their hand over your tits. You were now visibly aroused by what was happening. I, on the other hand, was scared to death.

Things quickly went from bad to worse for me. Perhaps from good to better for you. One of the big guys put his hands on my shoulder and leaned down to whisper in my ear. “Now fella,” he said, “now you are going to see how this lady likes to be fucked!!”

He continued to hold me as the other three pulled you from the table and forced you (you didn’t put up much of a fight) to join them at the pool table. The leader reached down and yanked your t-shirt off and you stood before them with your tits naked. You were breathing in shallow panty breaths, but your nipples were harder than I had ever seen them.

One of the others had somewhere along the line opened his zipper and pulled out a very hard penis. You were forced to your knees and he shoved the cock into your mouth. Then I was amazed to see in your eyes not a realization that you were going to be raped but a lustful desire for what was happening.

You reached for the other two cocks which were now waving in your face and began to jack them off. Soon you were willingly switching from one cock to the other, sucking them deep into your throat. Two of the guys picked you up and sat you on the table’s edge and pushed you back. As you lay back, they held your legs wide exposing your pantiless and very obviously wet pussy to the room. The leader of the group took his position on top of you and quickly rammed his meat into you. With a grunt you took it. And he fucked you hard. Then one of the others took a turn and the other climbed on the table to get his cock back in your mouth.

The leader started humping you faster and faster and then grunted as he came inside you. He came over to me and told the guy holding me, “You take a turn, this bitch is fine!”

This went on for what seemed an eternity. When it was over, you returned to the table, gave me a big grin, took me by the hand and said, “That was great foreplay lover, now let’s go home for the main attraction!!”

A Slowdown in Blog Posting

2010-01-24T21:29:00.001-05:00

I am quite happy that I managed to get the final installment of the sex party story published yesterday morning before I was finally convinced to go to the ER and have my hand x-rayed. If I hadn't, I'm not sure when I would get around to it.

I managed to put a hairline fracture in the distal end of my 5th metacarpal (that's the part of my pinky finger that extends into my palm). I am left handed (of course) so this is a real pain. Not a literal pain, as I'm not and never have been in much discomfort from this break. But the ER put me in a splint until I get to an orthopedist and I expect to be in a cast for about 6 weeks!

I will try to get them to leave my other fingers usable so I can type. I am adjusting nicely to this contraption but tend to hit keys I don't mean to with the splint. Getting much better however.

I had wanted to write the second chapter of the fantasy story I started many weeks ago about getting together with one of my office colleagues, but that didn't happen. It is next on my list, however.

Where Ever You Go, There You Are: Part 2

2010-01-23T10:25:00.000-05:00

It has been almost a week now. I have had a lot of time to reflect on the party I went to last weekend. I have exchanged comments, messages, tweets, and chats with several folks in the days since I posted Part 1 of this account of the party and have had an opportunity to contemplate how I felt during and after.

(One point of clarification -- because most readers here know that I do from time to time frequent escorts for my sexual needs -- is that when I used the word "escort" in the context of this party story, I am not referring to a professional sex worker, but rather to the woman who made my attendance at this party possible. She was, in the true sense of the word, my 'escort' for the evening. And I cannot thank her enough for inviting me.)

I left off the tale in the last installment with my first impressions on reaching the heart of the party space. In two rooms there were three mattresses covered with naked, intertwined, writhing bodies. I began to discern more details as I entered the first room. I must say my memory is filled more with the general impressions and with little vignette details than with a comprehensive understanding of the actual scene before me. I saw cocks in mouths. I saw cocks in pussies. I saw people simply engaged in sex acts, surrounded by about 10 or more people, me being one of them, just watching. The voyeur in me was very thrilled by what I saw. But some part of me, the old me, felt uncomfortable. Like I was someplace I shouldn't be. Like I was 'spying' or 'peeping' on activities not meant for me. Till this moment in my life, sex had always been a private thing, not something done with an audience. In some way, that feeling sparked some of the voyeuristic excitement as well.

Of course, in this context watching was perfectly acceptable. But from the first moment I walked into that room, I knew watching was not going to be enough for me. I felt a desire to shed my clothes, to find a way onto that bed, to let my hands explore, to have hands explore me. But I stood transfixed with the scene before me. Not having any real good idea of how to make the next move, if I even could. And listening. Because the sounds of the party have burned into my memories perhaps as intensely as the visuals. The combination of what I was seeing in front of me with the sounds surrounding me from all sides, was enormously stimulating.

I watched in the first room for a few minutes. I lost my contact with my escort as I stood watching. So I moved to the other room and watched there for a few minutes. Then for reasons I don't recall, I left, and returned downstairs. I remember going on the deck with a couple of people, one of whom I had just been watching upstairs. But on the whole, at this point in the party, I began to be a bit dissociated from myself and from the people at the party. I know I talked with folks but my conversation was still limited to normal party talk, "where do you live?" "what do you do?" "where did you go to school?" Boring stuff. Stuff not well designed to spark any sort of sexual tension or desire.

After a few monuites I returned up the stairs and found the first room had emptied a good bit. There was a couple on the mattress on the floor, the other bed empty. I walked into the second room and found a large crowd watching a group on the bed. I stood next to a woman I had spoken with brieflly earlier in the evening who I knew to be with another man there who was about my age (he and I had spoken a good bit downstairs). She looked up at me as I moved next to her and began to watch the activity on the bed. Our shoulders touched. And then I felt her fingers on my crotch.

I remember leaning to her and thanking her for touching me. And we kissed. She played with my cock in my pants for a few minutes then I reached down, unzipped, and freed my dick for her direct touch. She took me in her hand and we began to kiss more intensely. She suggested we find a more comfortable place so we moved to the other room and found the bed still unoccupied.

I don't remember getting undressed, but we did. And on the bed she took me in her mouth and sucked me and played with my balls for about 10 or 15 minutes. I used the time to explore her body as well. I was totally oblivious to anything happening around me. Were others on the bed? I don't think so, but there could have been. Were people watching us? I don't know, I was totally immersed in the feelings and activities of the moment.

We reversed positions and I enjoyed her pussy. But here something went terribly wrong, and I wish I knew what it was. I was really enjoying her wet cunt and playing with her hood piercing (my first!) when she suddenly sat up and said she needed to stop. Stop? Huh? WTF? I asked why. She said she preferred a lighter touch. Ok? That's fine with me, I told her. I can slow things down. I could be whatever she wanted. Thanked her for the direction, but the moment was lost. And we dressed and left the room.

(I should say here that I know my oral skills are pretty good. I have never had anyone ever complain that I was too intense before. So this incident left me very confused and further complicated my understanding of how to relate to this group situation)

I went downstairs again. I had lost my escort completely by this time, so I went to the deck. There I ran into a number of guys sitting talking. Apparently they had seen me in the room and greeted me with high fives and other congratulations on having "broken my party cherry." I was feeling less than satisfied with myself about what had happened upstairs, not really understanding why things had ended so abruptly without having reached the intended goal. Knowing that somehow it had been my fault. That I had not satisfied her enough to keep her interested. I was, to be perfectly frank, a bit bummed, and the congratulations did little to make me feel better.

The deck was cold, so I went back in in search of my friend. I found her upstairs in the second room, also watching, but very involved in her watching. Soon she was involved and I watch as she first suck on one guy and in a few minutes she and another woman were working on another, she pulling on a latex glove and lubing up to finger his ass. This was a very hot scene for me. The too of them bringing this man completely into their control. Him fucking one, while my friend massaged his prostate until he was simply in a state of total ecstasy.

I moved to the other room and found my other Twitter acquaintance on the bed watching a threesome on the floor mattress. I asked if I could sit behind her and she said ok and made room for me. She lay on her stomach, watching the scene intensely. I became aware that my face was mere inches from her ass, covered in panties and nothing more. How I wanted to touch that ass. How I wanted to kiss that ass. But I couldn't. Something was definitely holding me back. I couldn't even bring myself to ask the simple question of her, "would you mind if I touch you?" The answer would have been simply yes or no, right? Yes, and I would have been moving the direction I wanted to go in. No and I would know to move on. But my fear of hearing the no, so soon after the earlier incident, kept my tongue tied and my hands in my lap (yeah, my lap!).

The threesome we were watching was incredibly hot. The woman, who I had smoked with in the basement, was being fucked by one man while her husband fucked her mouth. I found that my hand in my lap gave me easy access to rubbing myself. And the scene was hot enough to make me hard and excited. When the men swapped positions, however, I became a bit uncomfortable with my position on the bed and decided to move on.

I found my escort in the other room next. She and another man were fucking doggie style and the room was empty except for them. I lay on the bed and began to touch her but was not being welcomed as I had expected. I stayed on the bed with them for a few minutes but soon felt again like I was intruding, that I was unwelcome, that it was time to move on. So I did.

At this point in the party, my feelings were not really all that good. I had been rejected during a scene. I was feeling that my voyeurism was not enough. I tried to keep a positive attitude about what was happening. It was, by this time, around midnight and many folks began to drift away and the crowd was getting reduced to a hard core of people who knew one anpother, who had fucked one another, and who were going to continue fucking.

With the reduced party size, sexual activities had migrated to the living room. I settled in to watch as a group I had spoken with earlier in the evening began to play on a couch. A very beautiful young woman was seducing another beautiful woman I had met earlier. The latter woman's husband sat on the side watching. And a collared male, with permission from his dom, was also playing with the woman. This scene went on for a while. My favorite time was when the beautiful young woman (let's call her Angel, for she had the body of an angel) stripped and stuffed her panties into the mouth of the collared man, telling him to stop talking until she told him he could. Damn, her body was simply amazing!

They moved upstairs. I did not immediately follow, but did a bit later and found them on the mattress. The husband was naked on the bottom while his wife sucked his dick and Angel kissed him and held her breasts to his face for attention. Angel's ass was in the air, pointing at those of us watching. I caught the eye of another of the watchers, one of the guys who has congratulated me earlier, and he said to me, "so close, yet so far." It was true, and a very good statement about the entire party. But in this scene, Angel's ass and pussy just screamed for attention. The collared man was soon behind her, and his fingers were soon playing with her.

I simply could not watch any longer. I wanted so badly to be in that scene. To be licking Angel's ass and cunt. To be touching the wife as she sucked her husband. It was simply too much for me, so I left the room.

Much more went on at this party. Several of us ended up in the living room watching some seventies soft core porn movie (forgot the name) that was set in a punk rock scene that one of the woman remembered well and I believe she even knew some of the people in the movie. It was getting later. My escort was invited upstairs by another man and I was alone again in a group of folks who were increasingly frisky with one another. Again my feelings of being on the outside, looking in overcame me again.

There came a point, around 2:30 am when I found myself almost alone downstairs. So again I climbed the stairs. A bit tired now of watching and knowing that nothing more was likely to happen involving me. In the first room, I found my friend, dressed after her most recent encounter, watching our other Twitter friend being 'cleaned' but another man. I arrived just in time to witness her cumming and, squirting. The first squirt we all heard and he took it in his mouth. The second shot from her and splashed from his face and soaked her shirt. Having never seen a squirt before, that was indeed one of the highlights of the evening and underscored my passionate desire to have a woman squirt on my face.

Soon after that, we left. It was nearly 4 am when we got to our hotel room and slepp was in order for both of us. Particularly her, for she had had quite an active evening.

So here I want to bring this tale back to the title I chose for the two posts: Wherever you go, there you are.

This party sent me back in time to my youth. I felt all of the same insecurities that I first remember frm my teenaged years. I was again the shy 15 or 16 year old on the cusp of sexual awareness but with no understanding of how to make it happen. Unable to simply live and let it happen. To have the confidence of who I was to simply engage and accept whatever comes and move on. All of the insecurities that led me a life of practically no sex again held me back.

I am still hoping for some response to a few questions I have asked of others at the party about what I did wrong. About how I could have turned this into something different. I loved watching, and suppose I should have watched more than I did. But I really wanted to participate more. I wanted to simply be naked upstaris and accepted by others as a guy ready to enjoy.

I appreciate all advice people have shared with me already. I gather from comments from those who have much more experience than I do, that all parties have their own "personality." Maybe this was not the best one for me. These folks seemed to me to be close before the party. But maybe I misread that.

But the real issues that remains for me as a single male is that getting into such a party will always require a female escort. And, I now understand that the person I am ... the "who I am" and the "what I bring with me wherever I go" ... needs to change. I need to "get over myself" and live my life the way I want to live it. I also understand that I benefit from a guide in these aspects of my new life. I still have no idea what I did wrong with the women I ended up in bed with. I was so willing and able to fix it, but it was over before she gave me the chance.

So with this post, I leave last week's party behind me. Not sure when or if I will have a chance for another such gathering, but I want to try again. I want to try again to better understand how to become more active. To change the way I have dealt with my sexual life for too many years. To open myself. To relax. To enjoy.

Another Late HNT

2010-01-22T08:13:00.001-05:00

Thank Southwest Airlines for this HNT not being posted until Friday!

I didn't get home last night until after midnight and was not interested in doing anything with pics.

I will be returning to my story of the party this evening, and looking back I see I have left a trail of half-done stories behind me. It's time to begin writing some erotica again and real soon.

Just a Quick Update

2010-01-20T16:20:00.001-05:00

I just wanted to let everyone know that installment 2 of the sex party story will be written by sometime this coming weekend or sooner. I need to get my thoughts on paper (in pixels? in ??) before they fade too much.

I am pretty busy in DC now and can't find time for writing other than little snippets here and there.

I forgot about HNT again this week but shot a good one in hotel this morning. But forgot to bring any means of uploading to computer and then the fucking battery in the camera died and I forgot to bring a charger. I was NOT a good boyscout this week!

Anyway, just be patient on the sex party thing...I'll get to it.

I will say that someone mentioned this morning to me that sometimes the first time at such a party is all about just getting a feel for it. And the second time is when the action happens. Maybe. But I think I will still need some attitude adjustment (meaning that in a very positive way) before I would be able to achieve what I want to achieve with regard to group sex.

The Party Aftermath or Where Ever You Go, There You Are

2010-01-18T22:50:00.001-05:00

We cannot escape our selves. The things that make us who we are are, by definition, the things we take with us as we travel the roads of life.

I want to begin this post with a little revision to my prior post about the party on Saturday. I want it to be clear that I am very glad that I went. In fact, while it did not live up to everything I wanted, I did have a very good time. And were I to be asked to return (no guarantees there) I would most definitely say yes. I learned enough to know if I was invited again that I will have to do some things very differently if I want to experience a different outcome.

And that gets me to the point I was trying to make in that earlier post and that I will discuss in more detail here. By the end of the weekend, I had ample opportunity to contemplate what had happened. I still have a few questions, but mostly about what was going on in other people's minds with respect to me (I have passed these along to others to see what I may learn). Maybe even those questions will point back to the same idea.

I raised a few of foster children in my marriage. Foster children who had been through a lot of shit in their short lives. All sorts of abuse. Lots of movement between family and foster homes and even group homes. One was even on some pretty nasty prescribed drugs at the ripe age of 10. They came loaded with stuff in the minds. They all wanted to forget it and just live a happy life. But they didn't know how. And God knows I had no idea of how to teach them.

Other than to remind them, when things seemed a bit rough around the edges, that "where ever you go, there you are." I know this is the title of a popular book on mindfulness, but at the time I learned the saying I knew nothing of the book...may not even have been written yet. To me what the saying means is that we need to aware all the time that what we are a product of all that came before and if that product tells a sad story, we may be sad or we may be angry or we may have many other feelings. And that if you want or need to change the way we feel, the first place to start is by, well, being very aware, right now, of who we are. And then, if something is out of whack, fix it.

Not sure I ever got that message through to any of them. They have all scattered to the winds.

So what does this have to do with a swinger/sex party?

Well, nothing at all. Except for how it relates to my experience of the swinger/sex party.

We arrived late due to some transportation issues, maybe around 8:30 or so. I arrived with a lot of apprehension. I mean, I am about to enter a world I believe in my heart is the world I belong to. But I have no idea of how to act. Of what is expected of me. Of what I should expect of others. I had no point of reference. No rules of engagement.

The party was hopping already. My plan had been to make a special appetizer that consisted of deviled eggs with crab meat ... sounded good but I couldn't make them at home and then transport them, I had to make them on site. I preboiled the eggs and had pretty good organization to get the job done in a few minutes.
So we set up in the kitchen to make the deviled eggs. We split a few eggs and discovered that the yolks were not set up well at all and were unusable. Embarrasing because I thought the eggs would be pretty good. Guess not.

The party had a simple physical structure. The main floor of the house was just like any other party I've been too (with a couple of obvious exceptions). People hung around talking, often snips of conversation told me the conversation was not always 'normal party talk' and there was porn being played on the TV and on a little LCD display screen. The dining room had a well stocked bar and a spread of wonderful food. And the deck was for smokers and others looking for bit of air. The basement was the "60's". Wink Wink And upstairs was the real action for the party. (But I didn't get there for a little while)

My escort for the evening, who had secured my entrance, knew a few of the folks when we got there, including the host and hostess. After the egg fiasco, we sort of split ways for awhile. I went to the dining room and got a drink for each of us, then struck up a conversation with a group of people, introducing my self and discussing whatever was the current conversation. I met a couple from a town I had lived in about 20 years ago (well a bit more than that), and got in a discussion with them about the town and how there were bear getting into garbage cans in town!

Then was back in kitchen and was able to chat a bit with another Twitterer I follow. And then I was in the 60's. Yeah, got toasted in the basement.

Between that and the gin I had been drinking, things began to get fuzzy about then.

But I met a number of folks downstairs.

And moved on to the living room, where I made a few new aquaintences.

So I felt I was doing what I needed to do, to become a face that people knew and had some short but recent memory of me. Thinking maybe face recognition was all that would be needed upstairs. (do I hear someone snicker at my naivete?)

Somewhere along the way I reconnected with my escort and we sat for a while in the living room. Then she asked if wanted to see what was going on upstairs.

I guess I shouldn't assume that everyone else has experienced such a gathering before. In fact, I suppose more haven't than have. So see this for a moment through my eyes. My first glimpses of what was happening came as we walked past the bathroom and room used for coats and entered the two farthest rooms. From the hallway, I could see the room to my right had two beds. One a real bed and the other a mattress on the floor. Both beds were covered with naked people. The other room's bed was also in use. All I was conscious of was a mass of nudity. Writhing. Then I heard it. The unmistakable sounds of people enjoying sex. And in the hallway and the entrances to the rooms were many people, like me, just watching.

(to be continued)

sorry about that but I want to post this, but I need to go to bed because I am leaving for DC tomorrow and need to be at work early

The Party - First Thoughts

2010-01-17T11:28:00.001-05:00

Well, you just never know what will happen. In spite of what I thought were fairly conservative expectations - to take part in group sex - at the party last night I can only say that I attended a sex party and watched lots of group sex. But personally I did not engage in any sexual activity except for a one-on-one oral session with a woman I met there.

So, I did NOT cross any major items from my Bucket List. About all I can cross off is that I 'went to a sex party."

I have to check out of my hotel now and drive back home. I am still processing my feelings about the party. Some parts were absolutely fun and hot, and lived up to or surpassed what I thought it might be like. But the sex part (that is, the part where I was involved) was disappointing, to say the least. My grandest fear was that I'd become one of the horny guys on the periphery watching others having fun. And that was exactly what happened for most of the party.

I have much to say about this because it says a lot more about ME than it does about the party...so I am going back to the drawing board in my sexual explorations...what I am doing now is quite simply not working.

Before the Party

2010-01-16T18:39:00.000-05:00

I am in New Jersey getting myself psyched for the evening. If all goes according to plan -- and so far it is on target -- I may be crossing at least one item from my Bucket List tonight and quite likely more than one.

If you follow me on Twitter you may have seen some of the discussion, but I am not sure how much I can divulge yet. Suffice to say that I will shortlyy be going to a sex party of some sort. The eact nature remains to be seen, but I expect a fair amount of kinkiness but understand that there may be some other less experienced in kink, like me, as well.

But this is right up there in the top two or three items on my list. Sex party, orgy, group sex, threesome, foursome...whatever we choose to call it, I am up for the adventure and tonight I feel pretty sure I will partake in at least one of those activities.

I have a fair amount of apprehension. I know only one person who is going and she and I are going together. She should be arriving by train in about an hour or so. At least one other person I know of from my Twitter acquaintances will be there, but we have never really spoken much. So I will have to be outgoing and friendly...hope it all works out for me.

All in all, I am excited and really looking forward to the evening.

Of course...more details later.

Almost Missed HNT

2010-01-14T20:36:00.000-05:00

Somehow this week just zipped past me. I completely forgot to shoot or post an HNT shot. So I had to dig into my archives a bit to find today's. Maybe I'll have some options by next Thursday.

Hope to get some new materials posted soon, but not sure when that will be. I am out this weekend. For fun. And in DC Tuesday through Thursday next week. For work. So not sure when I will get anything written.

First Attempt on New Project

2010-01-12T21:45:00.002-05:00

I guess most readers know that this is my second blog. It is very different from my other one, but there is a crossover in one regard. Both aspects of my life have a firm footing in my passion for photography. The other blog is, in fact, all about my photographic eye and include nearly 1500 images made by me over the past 4-5 years.

But truth be told, I have grown terribly weary with the type of photography I was doing there. No people to speak of. And that seemed a huge gap in what I doing. I look back at the shots I did as a child and find that often included people and often captured them in a truly meaningful ways. This shot was taken when I was about 14 or 15 years old. It is a distant relative we were visiting out near Rochester. (By the way, Scanning My Life is yet another blog, so I really have three!)

So over the past 9-10 months I have struggled with finding my photographic "voice." If there is such a thing. Part of me wants this be an exploration of the fuzzy line between erotic art and pornography (the difference being, that erotic art may get selected for display in a gallery, porn is mch less likely to rise to the standard). But I sense that the niche is fairly well occupied, and by many photographers with far greater talent than I have.

So I have had a different thought working around in my mind. This shot, which I also posted tonight on my photoblog, is the first from this new project. As I said on the other site, I will let the project explain itself as it unfolds. It will be a long process.

So, let me know what you think. I really do want some feedback.

My Sexual Bucket List #5

2010-01-11T09:11:00.002-05:00

As you may see from several of my recent posts, I have developed a new fascination for sex toys. This has without question been stimulated by the prevalence of reviews, ads, links, stories, mentions on Twitter about toys and my own relative ignorance about them.

All this has led me to add a new item to my Sexual Bucket List.

#5. Spend an evening with a woman and her toy collection (and with some prior planning, I can bring some as well) to explore in exquisite detail the wonders of these playthings. I can imagine hours of pleasure as we experiment. I think this item will require someone who knows her toys very intimately and has a desire to share that knowledge.

Sooo, if anyone is interested ... I do have a few banked airline flights.

Cuffed and Taken

2010-01-10T08:59:00.002-05:00

She fastened the cuffs tightly behind my back. I tried to move my arms but found that they were virtually immobile, my hands together at the small of my back. With a sudden shove, she pushed my head to the bed, and I found myself in a face down, butt up position. I am familiar with this position, but in my experience, it has always been the woman in that position, her ass and cunt open to my exploratory fingers, mouth, and cock. But now it was me in the position. And my hands were constrained.

I felt her fingers on my ass cheeks as she pulled them open more. Then I felt a slippery finger slide across my anus, exciting me to a sudden shudder of anticipatory pleasure. I moaned out loud, letting her know that felt good. Her fingers slid beneath me, grasped my balls firmly and squeezed. That surprised me and I felt the vulnerability she intended as she held my balls in her hand. What would she do? She was gentle with me; instead of squeezing tighter, she massaged my sack, letting my jewels bob on her fingertips, before she reached down lower and stroked my long, hard shaft.

I felt the precum drooling from my cock as she stroked me. She gather some of that sweet juice in her palm and used it to lubricate my shaft. I felt her shift her position behind me, and then felt her warm moist breath between my ass cheeks as she moved her face in close for...what? What did she intend? I sucked in my breathe quickly when I felt her tongue begin to slowly circle my hole, her hand still stroking my shaft. I squirmed beneath her intimate touch and felt the telltale signs of assgasm building. Her tongue circled closer and closer, and soon I felt it probing my opening, her hand now squeezing my dick. I was so close to cumming. Both my cock and ass were on the verge.

And she stopped.

Just like that. She stopped. I felt her moving behind me but could not tell what she was doing.

It seemed that minutes passed as I lay in that position. Totally vulnerable to whatever her pleasure may be. My mind wandered as I waited. Would she change my position? Would she slide her head beneath me and suck my cock? Would she finger my ass? The tension built as I became aware of her moving back towards me.

Without a single word, I felt her lubed finger touch my ass again. This time, without much fanfare, it slipped inside me. And I gasped. And moaned loudly as she probed deeply. Then I felt a second finger enter me. And stretch my ass open. And before I could react, a third finger followed. And I felt stretched.

She leaned over my back, her tits brushing my bound arms, her erect nipples rubbing on my shoulders as she whispered in my ear, "I'm going to fuck your ass now!"

I was surprised. I was excited. I have done some anal play before, but no one had taken my ass. Still, I though she meant that she planned to finger fuck me, but no, her fingers pulled out and for a short moment I know she must have been looking directly inside my gaping back end. But not for long and I next felt the firmness of her Rabbit vibrator filling the gap. My first reaction was to try to move away. But she had full control now and reached beneath and grabbed my balls again. "Don't move, until I say you can," she said.

The vibrator plunged deeply into my ass. Filling me. I had never felt this before. This feeling of being filled by a cock. How exciting it quickly became. I waited for her to release me. She plunged the toy in and pulled it out, again and again. The rotating balls of the rabbit massaged my prostate and I felt the need to cum. But she pulled it out again, and whispered in my ear, "OK, you can move now."

I pushed my ass back trying to take the toy deeper again. I gyrated and squirmed, pushing the toy in and then she would pull it out, and I would push back again. My ass was stretched wide and I soon released a wild assgasm, losing complete control as she thrust the rabbit in and out of me as I pushed and shook to feel it all.

I know I was begging her to fuck my ass harder and deeper, but the exact words faded in my intense orgasm. I heard her telling me to let it all go, to cum and cum again. She grabbed my dick as she held the toy deep inside me. The rotating balls on the vibrator against my prostate and her touch on my cock, was all it took. I came hard. I came prodigiously. Shooting my load up along my stomach and chest, feeling the ejaculations pulsing my cum outwards with force I hadn't experience for a long time.

This is a slightly enhanced version of the evening I spent in NYC a few weeks ago in which I lost my anal virginity. The core elements of the story are true to the actual events; I have embellished the details a bit to bring a few fantasy elements.

An Alternative to Cougar Culture

2010-01-09T10:47:00.002-05:00

If I haven't made it explicitly clear in my posts to date, I have been burned many times by the "cougar culture" that seems to be sweeping the world of Internet relationships. I don't know how long this term -- cougar -- has been used in the popular vernacular, but make no mistake, it is a powerful element on virtually all Internet sites I have visited in the past couple of years, and it seems to just get more and more intense.

And I am not specifically talking about women in their 30's lusting after 20 something hunks. That seems perfectly normal to me. But more than once (hell, more than 10 times) I have been rebuffed in email, IM, telephone, and in person by women only a few years younger than me who tell me flat out that they are not interested in any men over 30!! Last time, it was a 55 year old woman with two sons older than the guys she was seeking for sexual pleasure.

Of course I recognize that men have played this game for many years. The image of the older man with the younger woman is deeply ingrained in our culture. And, yes, I have been down that road myself; with both good and, well, not so good results.

As I have privately mentioned to many of my readers here, I am pretty much exactly like I present myself online. I leave that up to you to decide if that is enticing, boring, adventurous, or whatever. I just make it clear that when I am online, in whatever capacity, I do not lie about my age. I can't really see any value in that because if I ultimately have the pleasure of meeting you in person, it won't take long for the truth to be on the table.

With that background, I was pleasantly surprised yesterday to read this fantastic reply to a question on Formspring from VanillaKinks:

Older men vs younger men. Pros & cons for each one?
My personal opinion:

Older men. From what I have experienced older men are more appreciative of their women. They treat them with respect. They care more about their pleasure. They are relaxed and take their time. They don't hurry sex, and know just how important foreplay really is. Outside the bedroom, the genuinely enjoy conversation with their lovers. The listen, encourage, and congratulate.

My sexual experience with younger men have always seemed hurried, and they don't seem all that concerned that I get off and enjoy myself. They don't care to talk about anything. They are really selfish. However, the stamina of a younger man cannot be beat.

I just have one thing to say about this reply. Thank You!!

It says exactly how I feel about the women in my life. I am most deeply appreciative of your being a part of my life. I have grown to have incredible respect for you and believe that you should always be treated that way. In bed, I care more for your pleasure than for my own (though I get the pleasure I need from giving you yours). I am no longer in any hurry in bed, though I surely used to be. I look for hours of pleasure with you and foreplay, post play, and all other forms of play are part of the scene. And while she mentions conversation as an outside the bedroom activity, there is nothing better than lying naked in post orgasmic bliss and opening up in wonderful conversation with you.

I'll confess, that I don't have the same physical stamina I did as a young man; but I am still good to go under most circumstances. And, in case you have missed my earlier posts, I am in an exploratory phase of sexual development that can lead to some very interesting twists and turns.

And just to be clear. I don't have any issues with older woman fucking young guys. My bitch is with the concept that somehow, once you label yourself a 'cougar', you no longer even have an open mind towards the prospects of sex with an older guy.

I promise. This will not be a common theme on this site. Just needed it to be said, and thank VanillaKinks for expressing my viewpoint so well.

HNT and and Etiquette Question about Toys

2010-01-06T22:16:00.001-05:00

Thinking about toys and the social interactions surrounding them got me wondering. Is there an etiquette regarding the ownership of toys? Should a man maintain a modest toy collection? Or should we expect the toys to be provided by the lady?

Tonight's HNT is not very nekkid...but I will correct that soon enough.

HHNT

A Few Thoughts on Sex Toys

2010-01-05T06:35:00.001-05:00

If there is any one aspect of my discovery of this new sex positive world that has my head spinning the most it is the plethora of sex toys that all you gals out there keep tucked away for a variety of fun. Sure, I have been quite aware that all these toys were out there. I've even shopped in an adult store for such toys (four years ago I got a pocket rocket, a cock ring, and some anal beads -- only the pocket rocket has ever been used).

In my married life we purchased one of those most simple vibrators from Spencer Gifts. The ones that look like a plastic candle. We played with a a bit, but it never entered our sex life in any meaningful way. And neither of us had any overt interest in building a collection.

I have seen the fun of toys with my little episode in NYC a couple of weeks ago (see earlier post). And begin to understand the desire to find new and exciting ways of pleasuring self or partner.

Now, Britni is running a series of posts where folks open their toy chests for all to see. I'll be honest. I am amazed at how many toys y'all have! And as I recall, these things are not inexpensive. So maybe som discussion is order here.

What general toy categories (not specific brands, models) comprise a decent collection? That is, a collection that will meet most needs?

I see lots of discussion of materials. What are the best materials to look for?

What steps are necessary for proper cleaning?

If you had to reduce your collection to only three items, what would they be? (Yes, specific brand and model here)

What toys do men like? I know there are things like the fleshlight and others in that group, but I must say the idea of sticking my cock in a hunk of plastic doesn't really appeal to me. What about butt plugs for men?

I'm curious about your thoughts.

The New Year Really Starts Today

2010-01-04T08:07:00.001-05:00

Sure the year changed a few days ago, but for me, today is the real first day. Today is the day I must begin to implement many changes in how I live my life and do my work. For the reality is, my job is in deep jeopardy. As R&D Manager it is my job to keep the work backlog healthy to move our company forward, but 2009 was a terrible year. Just terrible. My boss, who can be both a total ass sometimes as well as a very decent human being at other times, has made it clear that I must "step up my game" if I plan to be around much longer. Not subtle at all.

So today is the first day of a whole new way of doing my work. There will be a lot more travel. There will be a different allocation of hours, with more spent on business relationship building and less on mundane tasks like writing memos and reports.

What does that mean for this blog and the other aspects of my "new life" in this community?

A lot really.

For the past month and a half or so, I have spent far too much time in this world and not enough in the world that puts the roof over my head. I spent most the long weekend contemplating how I would proceed. First, for all my Twitter friends, you will see much less of me. I was never a regularly active participant in discussions, but I was getting addicted to just knowing what the hell was going on with my new friends. It became an incredible time waster. And yesterday I decided it was time to severely cut back on that element of my non-work life. So first to go will be Twitter-at-work. And Twitter in non-working hours will be severely curtailed.

Next, I have decided that this blog will still be an important outlet for me to write about my personal and sexual fantasies, encounters, thoughts, feelings, etc. But I will no longer be trying to post every day. I will write what strikes my fancy. Like this post, which few will probably read once they realize it is a blah blah post with no sexual content. SS@S is more for me than for you; though I certainly hope some of 'you' will continue to follow, read, and comment.

On a personal level I have decided that I need to devote substantially more time and effort on my photography. I do still see a nexus between that goal and my desire to become a decent beaudoir photographer, working on shooting erotically beautiful photographs of woman (and men). I had a nice experience with that on Saturday night and would like to work on it much more.

Let me end this post with a repost of a shot I placed on TweetPhoto last night. This is a self portrait I did on Saturday while getting my camera gear ready for my evening shoot.

New Years Eve Ponderings

2009-12-31T22:41:00.009-05:00

I've never been much of a New Years Eve party sort of guy. But that's probably more sour grapes than real distaste for the celebration. Or maybe it was the dragging out of pots and pans when I was a young teenager who found everything his parents did to be ridiculous. Every year it was a box of noisemakers and all the pots and pans. And as Guy Lombardo played Auld Lang Syne and the ball fell in Times Square, we had to bang on those pots and hoop and holler like a bunch of idiots. And then it was over. Time to go to bed. Good night.

So most New Years I manage to be at home. As I am tonight. Usually watching the Twilight Zone marathon that seems to be on most years. (Not watching tonight so I don't know) I was not sure how I wanted to spend my evening. So here's how it has played out so far:

I made a pot of chicken soup. That's right. That domestic HNT yesterday was no fluke. I do it all baby! And tonight it was all about cooking. I had a few chicken carcasses (sounds worse than it was) frozen that I threw in a pot of water and let it simmer for an hour or so to make a nice rich stock. Then I strained the bones out and let the meat/bone mass cool a bit. After it cooled, I picked the meat from the bones and threw that back into the stock. Then it was time to chop the veggies. Green beans. Celery. Carrots. Into the pot. Then a bit of rice. Season. Simmer till done.

I broke tradition for myself and turned the TV off. Instead I remembered that @CarawenBlue had sent me one of her short stories to read. I poured myself a glass of wine, turned on one of my Pandora mixes, brought up the story and read it. That Insatiable Miss Kitty is quite the gal! Thanks to Cara for allowing me to post the following picture of her "girls." (Isn't that flowing red hair across those tits just sexy as hell?)

(click picture for larger view)

Reading her story led me to the last thing I did before I began writing this entry.

I realized that I am in a world of phenomenal writers. I write for a living, well I used to write more than I do now being a manager an all, and see lots of different writing abilities from the engineers in our office. Usually not so good. So I have been very aware that other sex bloggers are a cut above in their ability to build a narrative and embellish it with evocative details. It's not the the style of writing I have mastered. Not even close. So for the past week I have been a bit obsessed that I have hit a major brick wall in my writing. The erotica part of my erotica doesn't work for me.

So tonight I have been studying. Reading other bloggers. If you catch a comment from me on one of your posts from deep in your archives, understand that I am passing through in search of ... I don't know... in search of inspiration.

Now I think I'll swing into Twitter and see how the NYE crowd is doing. Lots of hoops and hollers a while back.

Some thoughts

2009-12-30T09:07:00.000-05:00

I have been trying to write up the story of my evening in NYC last Saturday but for complex reasons, I am totally dissatisfied with my attempts. Maybe sometimes fantasy is easier to write, or to tell stories that have had time for age in the memory banks for awhile. The simplest version of the story is this:

We met for dinner and had fantastic, intelligent conversation (a major turn on for me) followed by a few hours of shared pleasure in bed. Of course there are many specific details within that framework that actually make the story interesting to remember and hopefully interesting to read about. But for now, I fear that I must relegate this project to a back burner where the evening's memories will simmer like a fine sauce, gathering depth of flavor before finally being served up on this site.

I have also been enjoying the influx of fantastic photographs over on Twitter the last few days. It has ignited my own passion for doing some different photography. I believe most here know that I have been shooting pictures for about 50 years (first camera at about 9 years old) and that I have maintained a photoblog for nearly five years now. Since starting this blog, unfortunately the other has taken a back seat.

I am a supporting member of a local photo center/gallery and have spoken with the director about upcoming photo shows. She has ideas for a "Fetish Show" later in 2010 or early 2011 that has me thinking about a few ideas. I have a long way to go in my development for doing the kind of work I think would work for that show. So I will be trying hard to get plenty of practice. I set up a photoshoot date for this Saturday and have also signed up for a workshop later in January that will focus on makeup and hair in conjunction with shooting models.

So I stumble forward.

e[Lust] #4

2009-12-29T13:04:00.001-05:00

HNT Courtesy of Molls (via Eat The Cake NYC)

Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you're looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you're going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #5? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site's sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

♦ This Week's Top Three Posts ♦

Interrogation - I looked up at him, feigning cluelessness. “I know you can understand me. So I ask you again. Where are the lenses?” Another strike. I crumpled into the bench.

Reconciling the Identities of Feminist & Butch Top - There’s something supposedly anti-feminist about wanting to dominate. There’s something in the feminist rhetoric which says we are all equal especially in bed, so that means I-do-you-you-do-me....

Fire and Ice - The rain comes down harder around us, the freezing drop pelting whatever skin lies exposed over the surface of the water.

◊ e[lust] Editress ◊

By the Twinkling Lights... - His lips found my nipples and I forgot about the cold. If a car were to drive by and the passengers were to look past the twinkling lights on the tree, they would have seen a naked woman’s rear end pressed against the glass wall..

♦ Featured Post (Lilly's Pick) ♦

Ronjazz: Late Night Rendezvous - Meet me in the parking lot at the post with the broken lamp. 10PM sharp! Do not be late! Stand facing the post, eyes closed. Wear a flimsy dress and heels - nothing else!

See also: Pleasurists #58 and #59 for all your sex toy review needs

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Writing

Adoration
Diary Of A Pissed Off Wife
Happy Halloween
Heartbreak hotel
Heat
Lips...Tongue...Taste
Marathon Sex
Not Always, But Often: Part 1
Our (Sorta) Intro to BDSM
Rising above the Background
Sex at 2am
The Babysitter
The Chair
The Beginning?
The Pleasure Chest
The Slut Chronicles #10 ~ The Interview
The Walk
Today's Specials: Orgasms, Wet Panties, and Margaritas
Twinkling Heat
We are glass
What I Want

Kink & Fetish

Amber's New Dungeon
Awesome Body Mod Night
Co-Hypno-Topping
Day of Debauchery
Go Ask Teresa: Mothers
Helpless
Jack was a Picky Eater
Kissing Noises
My very first experience of BDSM
Mouth
Play Piercing? Seriously? Why?!?
Sounds and Catheters
The Taking of M

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Aftercare, Part I: The Basics
Ask The Negress: Privacy & Perversion.
Boundaries...
Do Slaves Deserve Love?
Gyne-Vestiphobia: Fear of Women’s Clothing
Let There Be Love
On My Experience With Sex Toys
Riding The Crimson Wave - Having Sex On Your Period
The Gangbang as Social Commentary
Titty Fucking
TPE (Total Power Exchange): A Novice's Perspective
Weekend Fun

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

December 17th
God rest ye, merry cuckold!
You've Got To Be Nuts
Inline Attachment Follows: elust4wordpress.txt

HNT Courtesy of Molls (via Eat The Cake NYC)

♦ This Week's Top Three Posts ♦

Interrogation - I looked up at him, feigning cluelessness. “I know you can understand me. So I ask you again. Where are the lenses?” Another strike. I crumpled into the bench.

Reconciling the Identities of Feminist & Butch Top - There’s something supposedly anti-feminist about wanting to dominate. There’s something in the feminist rhetoric which says we are all equal especially in bed, so that means I-do-you-you-do-me....

Fire and Ice - The rain comes down harder around us, the freezing drop pelting whatever skin lies exposed over the surface of the water.

◊ e[lust] Editress ◊

By the Twinkling Lights... - His lips found my nipples and I forgot about the cold. If a car were to drive by and the passengers were to look past the twinkling lights on the tree, they would have seen a naked woman’s rear end pressed against the glass wall..

♦ Featured Post (Lilly's Pick) ♦

Ronjazz: Late Night Rendezvous - Meet me in the parking lot at the post with the broken lamp. 10PM sharp! Do not be late! Stand facing the post, eyes closed. Wear a flimsy dress and heels - nothing else!

See also: Pleasurists #58 and #59 for all your sex toy review needs

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Writing

Adoration

Diary Of A Pissed Off Wife

Happy Halloween

Heartbreak hotel

Heat

Lips...Tongue...Taste

Marathon Sex

Not Always, But Often: Part 1

Our (Sorta) Intro to BDSM

Rising above the Background

Sex at 2am

The Babysitter

The Chair

The Beginning?

The Pleasure Chest

The Slut Chronicles #10 ~ The Interview

The Walk

Today's Specials: Orgasms, Wet Panties, and Margaritas

Twinkling Heat

We are glass

What I Want

Kink & Fetish

Amber's New Dungeon

Awesome Body Mod Night

Co-Hypno-Topping

Day of Debauchery

Go Ask Teresa: Mothers

Helpless

Jack was a Picky Eater

Kissing Noises

My very first experience of BDSM

Mouth

Play Piercing? Seriously? Why?!?

Sounds and Catheters

The Taking of M

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Aftercare, Part I: The Basics

Ask The Negress: Privacy & Perversion.

Boundaries...

Do Slaves Deserve Love?

Gyne-Vestiphobia: Fear of Women’s Clothing

Let There Be Love

On My Experience With Sex Toys

Riding The Crimson Wave - Having Sex On Your Period

The Gangbang as Social Commentary

Titty Fucking

TPE (Total Power Exchange): A Novice's Perspective

Weekend Fun

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

December 17th

God rest ye, merry cuckold!

You've Got To Be Nuts

My Sexual Bucket List #4 - Deflowered at 59

2009-12-29T09:16:00.003-05:00

There was (notice the past tense?) an item on my Sexual Bucket List that I not yet gotten around to posting about here before last weekend.

~~Have my ass penetrated by a woman using a toy~~

I have a total fascination with anal play. I love giving and getting both manual and oral attention to that most intimate of openings. It was something I discovered during a short affair shortly after my marriage ended. And then I had a wonderful experience with it that resulted in my first assgasm. That set my mind to work. I'd never really considered having my ass penetrated before. It was something I associated mostly with unpleasant medical exams, not terribly sexual. But that assgasm was so intense, it got into me. I have since fantasized many times of being fucked by a woman.

Last Saturday, I was able to cross this item from my list; though I have now replaced it with even more intense desires. Like getting pegged with a strap on. Like having multiple women play with me and gang bang my ass. One item from the list seems always to lead to more that lie beyond.

I am still working on the story of my evening but want to report here and now that I am no longer a 59 year old anal virgin! I have been deflowered! And oh my, it was remarkable. Details will be included in my forthcoming story.

Now I have to consider the real possibility that I need a few toys so I can enjoy this experience on my own.

Unfortunately, I remain an anal virgin in the usual sense. I've still look forward to penetrating a woman's bum with my cock. I have attempted on a couple of occasions but in both attempts lack of proper preparation and my apparent large size (not that I consider myself all that large) resulted in failure to penetrate. So let's label this as the new #4 on the list:

Sexual Bucket List #4: Experience a woman's ass with my cock!

AARP and Sex After Fifty

2009-12-28T11:18:00.000-05:00

I was just reviewing my reader and catching up on recent posts. Over at Glimpses of Dave there was an ad from the AARP (not sure why on his site unless Google knew I was over 50...scary thought). The ad starts out with this question:

"Is sex over fifty safe?"

Now of course the answer was YES and went on to explain that sex is one of the best ways to promote lung, heart, and mental health!

Thank you AARP!! Maybe I will join now!

BTW, if you are reading this and are over 50, I would really very much like to hear from you.

Weekend Update

2009-12-27T23:26:00.004-05:00

I have been in deep thought today and this evening about several topics. The past month or two have been a fairly remarkable for me as I have found myself in the midst of a tremendous sex positive community. This has also been manifest in some of my own personal activities as documented in earlier entries.

I was to write about my budding online relationship that I wrote of a few days ago. But this evening discovered I am apparently just being played by her. That would have been ok if we had agreed that it was just a game. But that was not the way our conversations were going. Not a big deal as the distance aspect made this a
"never-to-be-fulfilled" fantasy anyway. I chalk it up to experience. Another Internet game to be wary of. And, as anyone who knows my Australia story will attest, I am a total sucker for a hot gal online. But every time I experience this outpouring of affection, I become a bit more wary.

I will continue to ponder how it is that so many of you in this community maintain such difficult long distance relationships. And wonder to myself if I could ever do that. I think I could so long as there remained a reasonable possibility of actually being together regularly. Which certainly puts a distance limit on it.

I have also just returned from a visit to New York City where I had a phenomenal evening with a wonderful escort. And then earlier today spent several hours at the Museum of Modern Art with one of my new found acquaintences on Twitter. Both of those activities warrant full posts in themselves. But neither is close to having made it out of my mind yet. The first one of exquisite passion; the other hinting of a strangely fascinating avenue of exploration -- should she be interested.

Anyway, it is late and work begins again in the morning. Hope to be able to produce the stories soon.

Sex on the Train - A Fantasy

2009-12-26T15:50:00.001-05:00

I made the mistake of reading Sex Warrior's Christmas post about a hot shower while traveling on the train between Albany and NYC. Now this story was hot enough to get me fairly well aroused, but there would be nothing I could do about that situation, or so I thought anyway.

I was sitting next to a young woman who appeared to be totally absorbed in her laptop, so I was a bit careless as I scrolled through Sex Warrior's story, which included a number of naughty pictures illustrating the man she was writing about. After finishing the story I tweeted to Sex Warrior that she had left me in a compromising condition and I was not sure what to do about it.

I tried covering the bulge in my pants with a newspaper I was carrying with me, an alternative arts and entertainment rag from Albany. I had just placed the paper on my lap, when the woman next to me leaned over, our shoulders touching, and asked me, "Do you mind if I take a look at that paper?"

Before i could answer, she had reached over and her hand slid up underneath the paper and she grabbed my erect cock! "I saw what you were looking at," she said, "Are you gay?"

The question surely made sense seeing as how the pictures in the story were of an attractive man, I believe Sex Warrior called him an "Adonis."

"Uh, no," I answered her, a bit confused at what was happening, "I'm not gay. I was just reading an erotic story written by a friend."

"Oh," she smiled, and gave me a little squeeze, "I LOVE erotic stories why don't you tell me about it."

Let's face it, she literally had me by the balls. And her face was now mere inches from mine. So I did my best to remember the story. First, I just gave her a quick synopsis with no details, but she said that wasn't good enough. So I began to tell her more, and with each delicious detail, her touch became more arousing, more incredible. I was drooling so much precum now that the front of my pants probably looked like I pissed myself, but she kept working me, squeezing my cock and rubbing up and down.

"You, know," she whispered in my ear, "I'm incredibly wet right now." I suggested that we move to the restroom on the train; to which she replied breathlessly, "Yes, let's!"

We were certainly not inconspicuous as the two of us rose from our seats together and walked to the front of the car, opened the restroom door and went in together. But at that point neither of us cared one bit.

As soon as the door closed behind us, I felt her unzip my pants, reach inside and tug on my hard cock to free it from its confines. At the same time I had already pushed her stretch slacks over the slender hips and was working her thong down to her knees. We faced a challenge in this tiny room, each wanting to savor something of the flavor of the other, but instead I lifted her to the sink which placed her dripping pussy at the right level for me to quickly enter her. I was prepared and had a condom in my shirt pocket that I quickly unwrapped and handed to her to work onto my erection. As soon as it was on, I grabbed my dick and rubbed it all around her cunt, sliding it up and down through her slit and smacking her clit with it. She moaned and grabbed me, putting her face against my ear and said, "come on, Fuck Me already!"

I didn’t need any further encouragement and found her vagina and slid myself in. She was tight. I was big and hard. We both moaned at the incredible feeling. I moved slowly savoring the feeling. And I felt her core muscles working me hard. I lifted her from the sink, and she wrapped her legs around me, her pants and panties having fallen to the floor and she had stepped from them. The movement of the train made me unsteady so I used my hands to find the wall and then allowed the train's rhythm on the track to set the pace for us. She held onto me tightly and I felt her struggling to hump against me, driving my dick as deeply into her as possible. Then she ground herself against me, her clit pushing against my pubic bone, my cock rubbing against her g-spot. I looked into her face and watch her eyes roll upward, and the rush of blood to her face, as she came. I held her tight, no longer trying to maintain my balance. The movement of the train was enough to send sensational vibrations through both of us. We were thrown from one side of the small cubicle to the other. I finally fell backwards and found myself on the toilet, with my cock still impaling her cunt, but now she sat on me.

In her final throes of her orgasm she clutched me tightly. And whispered in my ear, "I need you to cum in my mouth!"

Without another word, she climbed off of me and knelt in the small space in front of the toilet, quickly removed the condom and before I could say a thing, she swallowed my dick to the hilt, cramming it down her throat, her tongue lashing out and licking my balls. Then she began to suck. I knew she would not have to work long to get what she wanted. I grabbed her head and held it tightly now beginning to thrust myself into her waiting mouth and throat. When the time came, I told her and she merely increased the tempo and took every drop I had.

When finished, she sat back on the floor, her legs spread eagle. She smiled up at me. I reached out my hand and said, "My name is Bob, pleased to meet you."

She took my hand, shook it and said, "I'm Donna. Likewise."

We collected our clothing, rearranged ourselves and returned to our seats. No one paid us a bit of attention as we left the restroom. And we just snuggled close for the remainder of the trip. Her boyfriend met her at Penn Station, and I went on my way to my hotel. We didn't even share emails or telephone numbers.

A Christmas Eve Treat

2009-12-25T15:52:00.001-05:00

Last night, Christmas Eve, I had a first appointment with an escort I had not seen yet. I had seen her on one of the escort sites a few weeks ago and had been attracted by some of the great reviews. Her speciality is that she is a well trained gourmet chef and always prepares a special meal for her clients.

Last weekend, after being stood up two nights in a row, I called her to see if we could get together. Our schedules did not mesh until Christmas Eve so she invited me to her place for a dinner and some play.

This was an amazing evening. We started off with an nice appetizer in her bedroom that ended in a fantastic orgasm. She then treated me to one of the most outstanding meals I have had in years. What a fantastic experience.

Dessert would have been in her bedroom as well, but I got so into the meal and conversation that I ran out the clock. But it was worth it.

In my search for new pleasures, this was a five star event! I will return.

A Twitter Affair

2009-12-25T11:50:00.000-05:00

We have all done it. It is part of life in these times. We get online, never quite sure of exactly what we expect to find or how we will deal with it when we find it. Then seemingly out of nowhere we find ourselves deeply enmeshed with another person. And it can happen so damned fast too. This happened to me this week.

I've been playing these online games in one form or another since the mid-90's when most of my time was spent in the old "Newgroups" (anyone else remember them?) downloading porn movies and photos and reading the rich body of erotica that filled some of the groups I subscribed to.

Then about five years ago I fell into the first of the many sex matchup sites I have tried. And there I encountered my first online 'love affair' with first one, then two, ladies who were simply too far away to ever see any possibility of meeting. I distinguish 'love affair' from 'cyber sex' because it implies much more. I have had numerous cyber sexual relations over the years, some great fun, others more like just going through the motions. In fact, I am not all that much into cyber sex anymore. I will certainly do it because it is fun, but it is no longer enough for me. I crave the actual physical touch with another person and often cyber sex merely accentuates that desire.

So, as I have written in a few earlier posts, I have been spending a good bit of time recently on Twitter (perhaps too much time as I seem unable to stop myself from slipping in during work hours with detrimental impact on the quality of my work). Earlier this week I was followed by @judyclarkXXX and, as I usually do when someone follows me, I checked her out. She linked to some pictures of herself on TwitPic that I found intriguing. They were not explicitly naughty pictures, but I could tell that some of them were cropped from what probably were kind off naughty. But there was something else in these pictures, a quality that I cannot describe, that attracted me. Her eyes sparkled. Her smile engaging. I felt I needed to know her.

So I followed her back, left her a nice DM and then commented on several of the pictures. Later that day she was on Twitter the same time as me and we began exchanging DMs and soon moved to Yahoo IM.

Judy came at me fast and passionately. Within minutes we were exchanging the naughty pictures and mutually admiring one another's bits and pieces. Of course, one thing led to another and soon we were exploring the dark recesses of each other's mind discovering what it was that turned the other on.

Judy asked for a post dedicated to this night...and after giving it a great deal of thouht I could think of nothing more appropriate than to include the log of the sexy bits from our YM conversation. So, here it is, edited a bit for spelling and removal of some random messages that did not contribute to the event.

Bob: I would want to taste you first though
Bob: licking and probing
Judy Clark: Taste me Bob!
Judy Clark: Lick my swelling clitty
Bob: and sucking your hard clit
Judy Clark: Perhaps suck on it too coaxing it from it's hood
Bob: flicking my tongue against it in my warm wet mouth
Judy Clark: While you look into my eyes and I look into yours
Judy Clark: I'm melting for you
Bob: I would use my fingers to explore you
Bob: probing while my tongue worked its magic on your clit
Judy Clark: and I'd help your fingers to explore me you know i would you know I would!
Judy Clark: And caressing your head and hair while you're between my open thighs
Judy Clark: and helping your fingers to work my pussy
Bob: my dick hardened at the thought of where it would soon be
Judy Clark: I'd be flattered if you'd use my pictures on your blog if you want
Bob: Really, even the ones where you are fully exposed?
Judy Clark: if you want
Judy Clark: I'd be so flattered and feel good about myself
Bob: would it make you hot if I did?
Judy Clark: Oh God Bob what do you think?

Judy Clark: Feel free to use my faces too
Judy Clark: I'm melting here for you
Bob: I think it would because very soon now I am going to ram my cock inside of you
Judy Clark: Sweet God!
Judy Clark: I'd want that inside me totally
Bob: I didn't say right this second, but soon.
Bob: I am still dining out
Judy Clark: dining on my pussy?
Bob: Absolutely Judy, your pussy, your clit, your ass...I love licking ass, do you like that?
Judy Clark: Licking inside a guy's ass yes yes yes
Judy Clark: and darting my mouth and tongue to and from his cock too
Judy Clark: then being ordered to lick inside a guy's ass
Bob: You like licking ass and getting licked? You are my goddess!!
Judy Clark: making me do it
Judy Clark: Oh God yes lick inside my ass too while I caress your head and moan and groan for you!!!!
Bob: I am probing your ass with my tongue
Judy Clark: Oh God Bob!!! I want it inside my pussy my ass my mouth and my breasts!
Bob: licking and probing while I finger fuck your cunt
Judy Clark: I ADORE having my breasts worked on HARD!
Bob: I grab your left tit and squeeze it hard
Bob: grabbing the nipple and pulling it
Bob: stretching it out and then releasing it
Judy Clark: Be as cruel with my boobs as you want!
Bob: while my other hand is now working your pussy, two finger deep inside
Bob: my tongue now a good inch up your ass
Judy Clark: two fingers into me... let me moan into your mouth and look into my eyes while I look into yours!
Bob: We kiss
Bob: the taste of ass shared
Judy Clark: Oh God yes yes yes yes... I can taste me in your mouth
Bob: I straddle your chest
Bob: my cock in your face
Bob: my hands grabbing your tits
Judy Clark: Straddle my face
Judy Clark: pull my breasts
Judy Clark: squeeze them
Judy Clark: be as cruel as you want with my nipples
Bob: I cinch forward and my balls are over your nose
Bob: my ass in line with your mouth
Judy Clark: don't be frightened to be as rough as you want with me
Judy Clark: lower your ass onto my open mouth Bob
Bob: reaching behind me I pull and tug on your tits
Judy Clark: Let me reach for your cock too
Judy Clark: rolling the skin on your shaft to and fro
Judy Clark: caressing your cock head
Judy Clark: feeling your delicious pre cum
Judy Clark: Would your cock ooze for me and drip all over me?
Judy Clark: Oh God you know I'd be licking around your cock hole!
Judy Clark: licking slightly into your cock hole
Bob: lick that juice Judy lick and then suck me
Judy Clark: Licking it off and sucking just the purple head and inside my mouth my tongue busy
Judy Clark: licking your precum juices Bob and you treating me like your slut
Judy Clark: Your Goddess
Judy Clark: Am I really your Goddess?
Bob: I want to fuck you mouth now judy
Judy Clark: While I'm sucking on your cock?
Bob: you are my cum goddess
Bob: I want to cum all over you
Judy Clark: On my back... with my head right back.. .on my back on the bed... head tilted right back and you standing on the floor
Judy Clark: Do you think I would gag?
Judy Clark: while you maul my breasts
Bob: I turn around, you are under me on your back I straddle your face again, forcing you to taste my ass again
Judy Clark: Even if I suddenly scream on your cock don't stop abusing my breasts
Bob: then I push my dick into your mouth and begin to fuck you
Judy Clark: Taking your dripping musky cock into my mouth
Judy Clark: You know I'm yours Bob... I'm all yours
Judy Clark: abuse me
Bob: My face is at your pussy, but I use my hands to smack it and roll your hops over and smack your ass while
Judy Clark: humiliate me
Bob: I keep pounding my dick into your mouth
Bob: over and over again
Judy Clark: into my hot and willing mouth
Bob: ramming it into your throat
Bob: my balls on your nose
Judy Clark: Would your balls be full for me?
Judy Clark: With your millions and millions of sperms swimming around inside your balls?
Bob: my balls are so full for you right now Judy
Judy Clark: I'm your Goddess
Judy Clark: And you are mine Bob
Bob: I need to be inside you now and jump off, and grab you
Judy Clark: Will you write about me on your blog? Telling people how you own me?
Bob: throwing you onto the floor and grabbing your hips and pulling them
Judy Clark: Telling people I'm your Goddess?
Judy Clark: pull my hips
Judy Clark: be rough with me
Judy Clark: abuse me
Judy Clark: humiliate me
Bob: up so you are exposed to me your face down on the floor and I place the tip of my dick at the your opening
Bob: and slide myself inside your pussy
Judy Clark: tell me Bob
Judy Clark: Oh God use me for your pleasure
Bob: ram myself all the way in and hear your moan
Judy Clark: Will you post a tweet telling people that I'm your slut?
Judy Clark: Humiliate me
Judy Clark: take me
Judy Clark: use me
Judy Clark: I was made for you
Bob: then I pull out slowly, almost all the way out, but not quite
Judy Clark: You know I was
Judy Clark: Leaving the tip inside me Oh God yes
Judy Clark: Please now post something about me
Bob: then I ram it back in again all the way, pushing your whole body forward
Judy Clark: please while I'm melting and open for you Oh God please
Judy Clark: And that sexy sound as your erection enters me
Bob: again out slowly, teasing you
Judy Clark: can you hear it?
Bob: and again back in hard and fast
Judy Clark: Oh God you're teasing me
Judy Clark: your stretching my insides and you're grinding against my cervix
Judy Clark: my g spot
Bob: I hear it love, I hear my hard cock forcing the juices and air out of your twat as I ram myself deep inside of you
Judy Clark: your cock exploring me and stretching my insides
Bob: but you can't cum until I tell you
Judy Clark: squelching in and out of me
Judy Clark: Oh God I'm yours
Bob: and I am not ready for that yet
Bob: I need to fuck you harder and I need to fuck you in different ways
Judy Clark: Please post something about me on twitter saying that you fuck me or anything anything pleae humiliate me expose me as your slut
Judy Clark: oh god
Judy Clark: I beg you
Bob: I pull out and push you on your side and lift one leg up onto my shoulder
Bob: and again insert my rod inside of your cunt
Judy Clark: Oh god on my side like scissor
Judy Clark: Inside me roughly
Judy Clark: As I moan and groan and look up into your eyes
Judy Clark: and my stockings and garter belt straps stretch sexily as you abuse me
Bob: squeezing your wonderfully sexy leg I now move in and out in and out in and out in and out that is getting me closer and closer to the edge
Judy Clark: opening me wide for your pleasure
Judy Clark: will you still want me after you have cum?
Judy Clark: I bet you won't
Judy Clark: You'll throw me aside
Judy Clark: You'll fill me with your cum or cum all over me and then throw me aside
Bob: I feel your pussy squeeze my cock and I stop while inside you and tell you to do that again, to squeeze the juices from my dick
Judy Clark: Clamping my pussy muscles around your cock squeezing more pre cum into me
Bob: I just want to fuck you NOW later with take care of itself
Judy Clark: I adore you
Bob: all I care about is now and fucking you now and taking you hard and slinging your body around
Judy Clark: please promise me you'll post something about me as I'm giving myself to you totally
Judy Clark: like a rag doll you're throwing me around
Judy Clark: do I please my master?
Bob: I will Judy, I' ll tell the story of meeting you on Twitter and how you begged me to fuck you
Judy Clark: Am I your slut?
Judy Clark: Oh God yes yes yes please post something like that
Bob: your are pleasing me immensely now
Judy Clark: telling the world how I gave myself to you
Bob: but I need for you to make me cum now
Judy Clark: and on twitter
Judy Clark: and your blog
Judy Clark: anywhere
Judy Clark: I'm yours
Judy Clark: yours
Judy Clark: your whore
Judy Clark: your slut
Judy Clark: your slave
Judy Clark: I'm just worthless
Bob: with that I feel the cum rising
Judy Clark: I'm not a goddess am I really?
Judy Clark: Oh God you're going to impregnate me
Bob: I know I will explode and want to shoot onto your face
Judy Clark: my face eyes mouth hair
Judy Clark: all of your cum into my face or the first pumps into my pussy?
Judy Clark: impregnate me
Judy Clark: make me yours
Bob: I pull out and pull you to your knees and stroke my cock
Judy Clark: on my knees
Bob: you open your mouth wide and I tell you to get ready for my cum
Judy Clark: like a slut?
Bob: open your mouth you slut
Bob: take my cum you fucking whore
Judy Clark: On my knees before you like the worthless slut I am only alive to please you and to be your cum recepticle
Judy Clark: yes yes yes call me names
Judy Clark: humiliate me while I feast on your glorious erection
Bob: I shoot a load that goes right into your mouth, landing on your tongue
Bob: take that cum slut
Judy Clark: hot and fresh and potent and salty and musky
Judy Clark: I take every drop you have for me like the slut I am
Judy Clark: I was born only for your pleasure
Bob: the next splurt hits you above your left eye and runs down into your eye, stinging you
Judy Clark: I exist only for your pleasure
Bob: Don't you dare wipe that away
Judy Clark: it stings in my eye
Bob: leave it
Judy Clark: You can force my eye open and cum into it
Judy Clark: right against my eye I will let you
Judy Clark: I won't wipe it
Judy Clark: because I know you will hit me
Bob: the rest of my cum is now all over your face, some in your hair, some in our mouth, some on your forehead
Judy Clark: How do I look adorned in your cum?
Judy Clark: Dressed and adorned in your potent fresh sperm
Bob: you look like a filthy fucking cum slut
Judy Clark: As long as I please you
Judy Clark: your fresh cum dripping and oozing on my face and hair ad eyes
Judy Clark: my eye stings so bad
Judy Clark: Will you make a blog dedicated to me?
Bob: but I want to taste it myself, so I lean in and lick your face, dragging the cum and pushing it with my tongue into your mouth
Judy Clark: Your slut?
Judy Clark: your Goddess whore?
Judy Clark: I accept your tongue in my mouth
Judy Clark: our tongues entwine
Judy Clark: and I hold you to me
Judy Clark: your chest against my worthless body
Judy Clark: Tell me how worthless I am
Judy Clark: worthless
Judy Clark: humiliate me
Bob: I love the taste of my cum and love feeding it to my little slut with my tongue, making you eat every drop
Judy Clark: I adore you
Judy Clark: my eye stings so bad still
Judy Clark: is it red?
Judy Clark: Has my makeup run?
Judy Clark: smudged?
Judy Clark: Do I still look pretty?
Judy Clark: omg
Bob: Your face is a mess of smudge cum and makeup
Judy Clark: I was born for you
Judy Clark: You own me
Judy Clark: you own my soul Bob
Judy Clark: I exist for you
Judy Clark: Sweet Jesus

This was a delicious time together. And the next night we did it again, but on the next night our conversation went far beyond a simple sexual encounter online. We chatted for nearly five hours. And explored much more about one another than can be shared in a few minutes of horny moans and groans.

Make no mistake, I am smitten with Judy. She has expressed a desire to give herself over to me and that is totally and completely a turn on for me.

But here is the rub. She is in in the UK and I ... am not. I see no travel to the UK anytime in the near future (or perhaps even the long future), so how do you folks manage these long distance infatuations?

Christmas HNT

2009-12-23T22:22:00.007-05:00

Ok, this is my first of these Christmas HNT’s and I have to say, for a guy who has a problem shopping for gifts for others, this is really a challenge for me. Combine that first fact with the other factor, that I hardly know any of the people who do HNT, and I was at a total head-scratching brick wall when I got home tonight and had to make this decision.

I’m generally a pretty analytic sort of guy so I thought, lets see who has commented the most on my few HNT’s. Then I removed those folks I have at least had a extended @convos with on Twitter and got left with a manageably short list. I’ve commented on all three of these bloggers’ HNT’s in the past, so it seems they meet the objective of being people with whom I have an honest interest in getting know better.

Not being a particularly good gift buyer, I have tried to understand something of these three people from their blogs and tweets and find something a bit intangible that if received might bring a smile to their faces.

Elle has commented on all of my HNT posts. Her kinky play as a domme has fascinated me (I may have some submissive in me, you know?), as has some of her writing about being domme. What struck me in a few of her recent posts was the discussion about how her confidence sometimes wanes. So, assuming I had the power to do it, I would give Elle all the self-confidence she needs! I hope you find it soon. I hid it!

Emmy has also commented on all of my HNT’s. Now Emmy is a bit of an enigma to me. Her blog is bit of everything. But I confess, I’ve not browsed it as I should. What I am aware of right now is that Emmy is looking for work, and has a good possibility. Have the person doing the hiring call me, I’ll give you the best reference he ever heard!

Nitebyrd has commented on a bunch of my posts and visiting her site I think I see a connection. Like me, she has crossed that magic age of 50. There is something comforting to know that at least one of my readers shares some sense of my situation. In an old post, she illustrates something of how she feels her mind works, which got a smile from me. She likens her thoughts to the pins four jugglers throw to one another. Thoughts flyng all over the place. How to catch one? How to grab that one thought that you just must have right now? My gift should help: a butterfly net

So for the record folks, this process took me a really long time. Like about 4 hours! (I did a few other things along the way and had a long telephone call) I hope I have captured the spirit of Christmas HNT. I suppose had we known one another better I could have concocted some more kinky gifts…but maybe by bext year!

Here’s my HNT for the week:

I’ll be back to a regular post, probably later tomorrow night. I am seeing a friend for dinner and playtime tomorrow night, but should still be home by a reasonable hour for Christmas Eve.

Short Post about a Long Subject

2009-12-23T08:18:00.005-05:00

For the past two nights I have been largely away from the activity on Twitter and here on my own blog. Why?

Well simply put, I was off having sex. And building a new relationship. With a woman in UK.

Most (all?) of my readers are probably more familiar with this subject than I am, though I have had my experiences with it over the years. And this is a pretty big subject that I have to believe social scientists around the world must be studying like mad.

We now live in a world where one of the primary places people meet one another is online. As an old-timer, this has taken me a bit of time to wrap my mind around. For Twitter followers, you will recall that I have been in a bit of a tangle with my 20 year old son who has been in love with a young girl (16) in another state. I kept asking him why he didn't get out and meet local girls. But now I understand that his relationship is not so strange at all. In fact, it is probably perfectly normal.

A few years ago I fell in love online with two women in Australia. It sure felt real to me at the time. But in the end, it fell apart in soap opera quality ways and left me wondering if any of what happened had any basis in reality at all. And that experience taints my everyday meanderings on Twitter and IM flings.

So anyway, I have promised Judy that I will write of us in this blog, and I will. This is not the entry though. This is just me, late for work (again) pounding out some thoughts that are on my mind this morning. How real I wonder are these Internet connections? How well do they stand the test of time? And what if the likelihood of ever physically meeting is slim? Do we derive the same sorts of supportive pleasures from these relationships that we would from one "in real life." (In quotes because I am perfectly aware that our cyber relationships are also part of real life). r perhaps are the online relationship maybe superior to the real life ones, because after all it is easy to excuse yourself. No need to run to the bedroom and slam the door when things go a little sour.

Anyway, I ramble now. I will return tonight with my Christmas HNT. My first. And I confess it has me a bit stressed out. Why? Well, it is hard as Osbasso said in the post about it. I don't know many of you very well at all yet. But I will try to get something done before I go to bed tonight.

Experiencing Twitter

2009-12-20T21:18:00.001-05:00

While not an Internet illiterate by any means, much of the social networking aspects of the net have done little to interest me. But for me, I find there to be a tight relationship between the sex blogging community and a strong presence on Twitter. So I started out with a Twitter account I had started some time back (@forgingahead) to see what all the fuss was about. I had gathered a group of fellow photobloggers and some local connections so as I began to collect followers and followees (?) from this community, I felt a bit of apprehension about how these two very different populations would interact.

I quickly found that I felt very awkward. I simply could often not engage in open discussion with my new acquaintances without arousing curiosity among the old crowd. In fact, on one occasion I had retired to DM with a friend from the sex blog group and our conversation got kind of ... personal, shall we say? At one point, in my excitement and haste to send the next message, I forgot to select it as a DM and sent a particularly strange tweet having to do with my balls and some part of her anatomy to the public timeline. Within a minute one of of my photoblogger friends chimed in with questioning reply, and a big laugh!

That was it. I took the plunge and set up a separate account to support my association with this crowd, where I have felt so very much at home so far. Of course the switch over was tough. I lost a number of followers from the sex blogger group when I moved over. I don't know why, but it is not of crucial importance. But for the past two weeks or so I am known as @mydiversions on Twitter and this post is a report on my first serious attempt to slip into the stream of conversation.

I had been mostly a lurker for the first few weeks, while still on the old account. Then when I came on the first time as mydiversions I tried to open up and be as free as I could be. I recall a brief conversation with @ThatOddChick in which I got great pleasure out of going into the sex blogger street and screaming "FUUCCKKK" at the top of my lungs, and Cherry jumped in with a few calls herself. That was a fun moment for me, an introduction to the possibilities of Twitter as a social place.

I ended up both Friday and Saturday nights of this past weekend home alone (as is discussed in the prior post on this blog) with not a whole lot to do except be on the computer. So Friday night I began to slip around and try to talk but as I sat and watched the flow of conversation it became difficult for me to find a starting point. I'd throw out a thought to the time line every once in a while, see if anyone bit. I had a few nice little chats where the thread runs for a few bounces around then gone.

I guess my issue with Twitter was whether or not it would be possible to actually carry on a conversation. Well last night I found that indeed it is possible. And not only that, if was quite enjoyable for me. I don't recall how it began, something to do with a movie SexWarrior was watching (King Arthur) and her expression of interest in living in another time and place. We got into a fascinating discussion and soon Aphrodite joined. I was surprised that each of us were able to express our selves quite well in short statements.

Sunday afternoon included a particularly enticing interchange with HotintheTropics which was like a flirtation with intimacy. That felt good. Welcoming.

So by Sunday evening, as I write this, I have learned a bit about how to become part of the flow and no longer simply watching it flow by incomprehensibly. I had never taken the time with my photoblogging friends, so this has been a great experience this weekend. Thanks to all of my new Twitter friends (including many who I have not mentioned by name).

There is one other element of Twitter that has plagued me, and I sense plagues others as well. That is the avatar we use to "be us" on Twitter. I had begun @mydiversions with the same avatar I had on the old account but soon changed it to this particularly nasty image I had done back in my Wild Match days to be my personna as "longhottongue55":

I had a few comments on this image, most expressing that it was kind of evil, but perhaps in a good sort of way (which was the intention of the picture). But it made me a bit uncomfortable so I updated to a cropped version of my HNT from a couple of weeks ago.

That was well received and stayed up until Saturday morning, when I decided I wanted to make a change. So I had the lighting set up in bedroom in anticipation of the photo shoot that I had expected on Friday evening, so when I awoke early Saturday morning I pounded out a few shots of myself. I selected this picture:

From the second I put it up I knew it was all wrong. It was not projecting anything about me that I wanted to project. It is a part of me, but I didn't feel like the part I want to display in public. (Now I put it on my blog and it will be here a long time-- really, who knows, they may find this image 10,000 years from now on some ancient artifact like a servers hard drive),

This afternoon I reworked it again, in response to a Tweet from DaringDame Saturday. She threw out the idea, paraphrased: "I just want to say that I like men's hands."

So I reworked one of my recent shoot images and placed this up:

So for now, that is me. And I feel perfectly fine with it being me.

Stood Up

2009-12-20T10:46:00.001-05:00

This weekend was supposed to have been filled with fun and games. I had a date arranged for Friday night but when I arrived to pick her up I learned she was feeling quite sick and begged off the night out. No problem. She assured me Saturday would be fine.

Saturday afternoon I got a text from her that merely asked how I was doing. I answered and asked if she was feeling better herself.

No answer.

Called her and left message. No call back.

Texted her a while later. No answer.

In the world of dating this is a pretty obvious case of "time to move on." So I will.

But it sure fucked up my weekend.

Now I sit here Sunday morning, contemplating going to the office for a few hours. Hardly the way I want to spend the day, but there is work to be done.

e[lust] #3

2009-12-20T06:00:00.000-05:00

HNT Courtesy of 13Messages

Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you're looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you're going to find it here. Want to be included in the next edition? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site's sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

♦ This Week's Top Three Posts ♦

Presence - I wish that you would look at me now. I am willing you to look at me now, over her body, rocking with the motion of her mouth. But you do not.

Restraint - “Do you like what you see?” the blonde asks. “Are you excited by what’s before you?” the redhead enquires. He nods.

What Not to Fetishwear - DON'T wear a PVC sleeveless vest if you fall into the rotund category. You will look like a bowling ball. With chubby arms.

◊ e[lust] Editress ◊

Fucking for Art - The proximity of their nakedness and my scrutiny resulted in this beautiful agony of arousal for them both. I asked if they would feel comfortable doing some poses of vaginal penetration for me, and they readily agreed.

♦ Featured Post ♦

The Naked Truth - He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are.

See also: Pleasurists #56 and #57 for all your sex toy review needs

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Tricky Balls
Propaganda Sucks in All Directions
What Not to Fetishwear
Wicked Grounds
Which Reindeer Sex Style Are You? Five Tuesday: 2010 AVN Award Nominees

Kink & Fetish

Presence
Come what may..
While I waited
Caning Before the Movies
Say...
Savoring Submission
The Ruler
Give In
Flagging brown
The Mummy Returns
Finding Power Through Play
Marked
Microfantasy Monday 24

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Spanksgiving
Wife Unsure About Sex With Others
Morning
Thought Provoked
The Naked Truth
December: Month of the Rant
Less is More
That's My Cervix!
Femme Invisibility
Are You Just Kinky or Is It a Lifestyle
Baby Steps and Giant Leaps
Cyber Sex

Erotic Writing

Friends with Benefits
Restraint
Prolific
The Tease
Cock. Confession #386
Shower
Cal's wisdom
Blinded and Bound
The Little Things...
lust
The Witness
Quiet and Still
Giving and Receiving
Beasts in the Bathroom
Fixation: Touch
The Pussy Eating Challenge
An Oceans Release part 1
MFM: Etiquette
Office Party
Daydreams & Distractions Droit de Cuissage
Tant pis
Toys, toys, toys
Revenge (Pt. 1)
Gush
Claiming: Assume the Position

Re:An Email from Out of Nowhere

2009-12-18T21:52:00.000-05:00

It was a pleasant event tonight when you popped into my life, blew me a kiss, and invited me to get to know you.

I replied, because that is what online men over the age of 50 do. We answer any message, any flirt because we just get so damned few!

And you came back.

That was a fun event. Indeed.

I picture us at a country club. We have just finished a hard set of tennis and you are lounging, waiting for me to return from the bar with our drinks. You were hot from the tennis and and looked around and saw there was noone to see, so go ahead and hike your tennis skirt up and pull your panties off to help cool off the lower parts, while pulling the collar of your shirt low so some of the heat from your breasts and abdomen can escape. You lay your head back and relax. Nearly sleeping in the hot sun.

As I return from the bar. You are unaware of my approach and I see that you don't know I'm there. I stop, just behind you a little and to your left. I admire the wondrous scene before me. Your right tit is practically out and I notice the hardened nipple. My eyes push downward and I notice your legs spread wide. Your right hand is resting on your thigh almost sweeping into your crotch.

Like you, I look around the area and see there is no one anywhere near us. I set our drinks down quietly and move to sit in the seat in front of you. You stir a little but remain unaware of my presence. But the stir has further widened your legs and I see clearly now that your panties are not there. I sit slowly and quietly in the chair and look to my left to see an incredible sight. You right hand has now found your pussy and is making gentle, slow, small circles around your clit. I can actually watch the blood rush and fill that little nob.

I am definitely getting aroused so I decide, "In for a penny, in for a dollar" and figure if we caught we get caught together, and slip my tennis shorts and underwear to the ground in front of me. I take my semi erect penis in hand and keep my eyes on what your hand is doing.

You are still circling your clit but I can tell you are putting more and more pressure on it. Your cunt lips have swollen and opend like petals on a flower. Your moisture oozes from your pussy and dribbles down your ass soaking into the chair fabric below you. My cock is hard and ready, but I just stroke it. Watching you.

Soon I notice that your hips are rocking. Slowly at first, but with an increased pace. And I hear you breathing hard and it looks like you're near the edge.

Then, just as I think you are about to cum, you sit up suddenly, sunglasses crashing to the ground, you reach and grab my cock and look me in the eyes and say, "When were you planning to fuck me with this? Eh?" I was a bit surprised to discover you had been awake and aware the whole time, but there was no time for that.

"Right now," I answered, and climbed from the chair and knelt before you my dick brushing your pussy. You widen your legs again and pull them back rocking your pussy forward and up. I find that sweet opening and slide myself into the slippery wetness of your hot twat. We both moan. at the wonderful feeling. Me filling you. You surrounding me. I begin to take long slow strokes, in and out, coming out very slowly and pulling so the head of my cock is barely inside you and then plunging in hard and fast, causing you to jerk physically with the thrust. The out again, slow and easy, followed by the slamming penetration as I come back in. It takes a few seconds but you get the rhythm and soon you are matching my movement which increases the sensation for both of us. When I am leaving you, you pull back as well. When I thrust, you push with all your might, causing my balls to slap hard on your ass cheeks and our pubic bones to grind together.

Soon the pressure close together is what we both crave and we are trying to get my whole body up inside your cunt by pushing as hard as we can. Your pussy begins to squeeze me tight pulsing agaisnt my hardness. Your clit is stimulated by the pressure from my pubic bone on yours. You hands reach out, around my ass and grab, pulling me even tighter into you.

At that moment I feel your spasm into orgasm and your pussy locks on my dick and squeezes...hard! And together, we cum. Completely oblivious to our surroundings at the club, your scream out my name and yell, "fuuckkk mmmeeeeee! Cummm inside mmeeee!!"

I don't know how long that lasted, but I collapse onto your body and you wrap your arms and legs around me. And we look at one another, right in the eye, and both of us crack up laughing.

"regular half-nekkidness"

2009-12-16T23:22:00.002-05:00

Yes. I do realize that this is supposed to be the Christmas Tree HNT. Hmm, no tree. And so far this year my life has pretty much not been in a Christmasy or any other sort of holiday spirit yet (with one exception) so when Osbassos says "regular half-nekkidness is acceptable" ... well, that's what you get.

Well, it is really whole-nekkidness...

I've never been too happy with my butt. Not sure sometimes if I even have one.

My Sexual Bucket List #3

2009-12-16T19:47:00.002-05:00

This one is an odd one I suppose for most people. I think I may be one of the few people in the world who has never done this.

I want to pick a woman up at a bar and bring her home (my home, her home, a hotel room, it doesn't matter) and fuck her. And I mean, fuck her well!

I am 59 years old and I never done this. Is this totally strange?

A few weeks ago a dear female friend of mine was telling a story about a man who bought her and another young women drinks at a bar. Apparently nothing happened in that particular instance (she said he was not very attractive to her and the younger woman just wanted him to keep his hands to himself). But I mentioned to her that I would not know how to do that anyway. She laughed at me.

"You've NEVER bought a woman a drink at a bar before," she asked, incredulous.

Well, no, I really haven't. At least not in a situation where I thought there was a reasonable possibility of hooking up.

So, I add this simple task to my Sexual Bucket List.

Any advice on how to do this would be greatly appreciated.

Ice Cream Sundae

2009-12-16T08:44:00.001-05:00

I have promised a light-hearted hump day post whenever I can get around to it. This is another of the older stories from my Wild Match days, I was going to rework it based on a story one of my readers pointed me to last week; but I don't have time for a major re-write, so here it is as I first wrote it a few years ago.

You lay on your back. Your arms close by your side as I entered the room with the fixins.

"Time for an ice cream sundae," I announce.

"But where are the dishes," you ask.

I spread your legs and you pull them back, understanding where the bowl is. I put a scoop of rich chocolate ice cream on your hot pussy. Dribble some chocolate sauce on it, the a spritz of whipped cream. I run the cream up from your pussy to your breasts and cover both nipples with the rich cream. And then top it all off with a red cherry on top of each nipple.

"Pictures first," I say and take several shots of you dressed up as a chocolate sundae.

Then as the ice cream melts into your twat and your nipples push through the cream, I begin to eat. I eat the cherries and lick your nipples clean and follow the trail of cream down between your legs.

I slurp the now soupy cream and chocolate from you, licking deep inside to get it all. A trail of melted cream has dribbled down your pussy and across your ass. I follow it, licking and slurping every drop as I clean your ass. When you are clean (and in a state of bliss) I continue to enjoy the taste of your nether region. Probing inside with my tongue until you are relaxed. I take a bottle of lube from the table and shoot a squirt on your ass, working it in now with my fingers. I probe deeply and you moan. You are relaxed to the point where I can easily push three fingers inside you and know it is time. You roll over and again present your ass to me, but this time I am going in the back door. I place the head of my dick against your relaxed hole and it slides easliy inside. You suck in a deep breath and I continue to push. Then I am all the way in and I begin to fuck you. I think to myself, "god this is like fucking heaven."

You feel nasty and foul and begin to shout at me saying things like "FUCK MY ASS!!!" and "POUND ME!!!" and "CUM IN MY ASS!!!"

We are going at it hard and heavy and I can't last long. You grab a big dildo from the bed and work it under yourself and insert it into your pussy. I feel it moving in and out of you against my cock and it sends me over the edge. I shoot a hot load deep inside your ass, as you to reach a climax and hump savagely.

The Beginning?

2009-12-15T00:34:00.001-05:00

I read somewhere a few months ago that something like 40% of people claim to have had sex at their place of work. I guess I just have never worked at the right place. In fact, where I work now there are 28 guys ranging in age from about 22 up to mid 60's, with me one of the older three or four employees. Then there are a total of two, yes, that's what I said...TWO, women. Both married and, so I thought until tonight, happily so.

Our office manager is a few years younger than me, I believe she is about 52 or 53 years old. But she is truly a fine looking woman. Dark straight hair cut nicely to accentuate her face and highlight her piercing deep brown eyes. And an athletic body to die for. Over the years we have worked together we have gotten to know a lot about each other and our various family issues, our interest in restaurants, what movies we like, and so on. We are pretty good friends.

But I will say that if I am in a meeting, or sitting someplace where I see her when she passes by, I find myself watching her as she passes; and if given a chance to watch her stroll down the hallway, I have, more than once, caught myself licking my lips and imaging, just wondering mind you, what it would be like to see that fine ass naked.

But realistically, I have never entertained any reasonable possibility that I would ever have that chance.

Earlier this evening, I was sitting with her in her office chatting about my "love life," which is one of her favorite topics with me as she seems to get some pleasure from hearing my stories of the women I date. I admit, I exaggerate a good bit, letting her believe (and through her others in the office) that I am something of the player (no reason for her to know I am frequenting escorts). We got to talking about what women like in a man and I began to relate to her some of the education that I have been getting in recent weeks on the sex blogs (without revealing that my source was sex blogs, not something I was ready to share with her). I was commenting on how many women that I had met had an interest, dare I say "fascination" or perhaps even "obsession," with being submissive in their sexual relationships. She began to ask me deeper and deeper questions about this subject, a subject that am still a bit of greenhorn with, so I was unable to give her a good explanation.

But I noticed that she had perked up when the subject turned to submission and the concept of a dominant man being in absolute control of the sub. Her questions seemed to be flirting around a deeper, more profound interest.

I asked her, not mincing words, "Why, are you into this lifestyle?"

She lowered her eyes, looking at the floor, and I caught a subtle nod of her head.

"What did you say?" I asked, leaning forward into her space a little bit.

She raised her head, and her eyes met mine in a way I had not experienced with her, or for that matter, anyone that I can ever remember. It was almost like her eyes were begging me for something I could not quite see.

"Yes, I am into that idea." she answered and gently nodded her head, "but John isn't." John, of course, being her husband.

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence, then she again lowered her head.

With a single word, barely audible, she changed everything, "Sir," she added as punctuation to her previous statement.

"What did you say?" I asked, moving even closer to her, now close enough to feel the heat emanating from her body. For her to feel my heat. Close enough that this was no longer co-workers talking about business, no longer two good friends chatting about how each planned to spend the next weekend. No, this closeness meant on thing and one thing only, should I choose to accept the role.

I was now her Master.

I was filled with a surge of both fear and excitement. "What next?" I was asking myself. I mean honestly, at this moment in time I was not at all sure what a Master should or would do. But I went with what felt right.

I felt tenderness was a first message to get across. To let her know that no matter what was to happen later, she must understand that she could trust that at the core I would never do anything to hurt her more than she deserved. I put my hand under her chin and pulled her face back up so that her eyes were looking at me.

"Is this what you want?" I asked, holding her chin tightly. Her eyes had that same begging look.

"Yes sir," she said matter of factly, then added, "I will do whatever you ask."

We were still in the office, still during working hours, so there was not much chance for this to go too far in the actual sex direction, but I was curious just how far she would go. I move my hand from her chin and moved it to the back of her neck and then upwards into her hair. I grabbed a fistful of the hair and pulled her face to mine, and we kissed. It was our first kiss, but it was intense. I held her head tightly against mine as our tongues thrashed.

With my free hand, I took one of her hands and planted it on my rapidly hardening cock. She took my silent instruction and began to rub me, soon pulling down my zipper. When my cock sprang from its confines, I pulled her head from my mouth and turn it downwards and pushed. There was resistance, but it felt more for show than for real. When her mouth reached my dick, I felt her breath as she opened wide to engulf the head. With my hand setting the pace, she began to suck me. With increased speed she began salivating heavily and my cock was plunging full length, deep into her throat.

The suddenness of the event had taken me by surprise, but I was already feeling a new sense of contentment. I was not sure what the nature of this contentment was, but certainly having her sucking me was having a distinct impression. I began whispering is her ears, whispering nasty things, things I really could not imagine saying a woman,

"Suck that dick, you slut!" I would say on one thrust of her mouth down the length of my cock, followed by, "Make me cum in your mouth, whore!" And with each such statement, she moaned around my shaft and the intensity of the blowjob would ratchett up a notch.

When I felt my orgasm rise, I took her head in my hands and began to thrust my hips forward and pull back. On each thrust driving down her throat and then yanking back so just the head was still in her mouth. Then I'd slam it in again, my balls slapping her chin. Faster and faster, in and out, in and out, in and out!

I let her know with my ever increasing thrusts and my loud moans that I was about to cum. As I felt the rush of semen coming up my penis I pulled out and shot a hard load the landed on her forehead. Her mouth was open like a baby bird await food, so I directed the next spurt to her tongue, then slid back inside to let her feel the remaining tremors as she emptied me.

I stood, looked at the jizz drizzling down her face.

"We'll meet later," I said and walked from the room, straightening my pants and zipper as I left.

As I walked from her office, I ran into our boss heading towards her office.

Not Much of a Post Tonight

2009-12-13T21:58:00.002-05:00

On my photoblog, I have always strived to post some new every day. I did religiously for two years but things have slacked off there.

So anyway, when I started SS@S I thought I'd do the same and post, post, post.

That hasn't happened. Mostly because I spend every day at work writing. Writing reports. Writing proposals. Writing memos. Writing emails.

I write a lot.

And sometimes when I come home after writing all day I am not too crazy about writing anymore. If I can get a good thought going, it is possible that I will write. But it is proving to be a challenge.

I had a few topics for tonight, but just knew I'd never get through any of them today. So we'll try again tomorrow.

(and I am spending too much time on Twitter)

Not a very sexually active weekend here anyway.

I did make my travel plans for a trip to NYC on the 26th. I have plans with someone in the city who has an open invitation to a regular sex party/orgy to cross that off my Sexual Bucket list.

My Sexual Bucket List #2

2009-12-10T21:48:00.001-05:00

Last week I began posting some of the many sexual activities that I plan to experience sometime before ... well, before the end. It will be an ever changing list, shrinking as some activities are accomplished, growing as my mind continually find new places to explore.

Anyway, last Saturday night I had a taste of one of my most intense fantasies. This one caters to the voyeur in me and only requires some folks wishing to fulfill their own exhibitionist desires. Probably ready-made fantasy for a Craiglist ad:

Photographic artist working on project to explore the fuzzy boundary between pornography and art is looking for couple (or more) with strong exhibitionist streak for participation in erotic photography project. Must be willing to perform all forms of sex acts before camera. Willing to share images with subjects, but photographer will retain copyright to all images. Images can be expected to be posted on various Internet sites. Let's talk about different ideas and see what works.

I have been shooting photographs since I was about 8 years old. I have had a fascination with the naked female body since seeing my first Playboys in the early 1960's. I saw my first porno movie (in a THEATER for all you internet generation readers) in 1970 and became addicted to them. I have done a little nude art photography in workshop settings. But in recent months, I have become somewhat obsessed with idea of doing my own erotic photography. There are a number of obstacles. First, I really don't have a good space for doing this project. My apartment is tiny and hardly appropriate for the sort of work I envision. Second, I simply cannot afford to pay professional models for this work. So ideally, I need to find a couple who will share my vision and has a good space for the work.

I am on the hunt. Let me know if you have any suggested language for a CL ad that might help me mark this from my Bucket List.

HNT for December 10, 2009

2009-12-09T21:07:00.004-05:00

For those of you who follow me on Twitter this may be familiar as I use a cropped version for my avatar there. This was shot last Saturday while enjoying some fun times at home with a friend. She was doing some erotic posing for me and things took an interesting turn. This was taken while we were taking turns putting lotion on one another. It was my turn for the lotion. Enjoy.

MfM Fail

2009-12-08T21:40:00.004-05:00

Ok, I tried tonight. I really did.

Last week I started with the Micro fantasy Monday and wrote a story that was, well, ok I guess. Not great, but it had the elements of story that I work with well. A slow deliberate story line, leading up to a sudden surprise ending. An ending designed to make the reader smile, maybe even giggle a little. Because my sexual fantasies tend to circle around pleasure and humor.

Which meant the topic for this week of 'contortion' was a serious challenge for my fantasy world. I know lots of kink revolves around putting bodies in difficult positions and deriving pleasure from, depending on your role, either inflicting pain on the other or having pain inflicted on you. But I'll tell you all flat out, while I am definitely exploring that element of my sexuality, and certainly have a very open mind about it, I am simply not there yet. And, perhaps I never will be, because like I say, I get off sexually on intense pleasurable feelings and finding humor in sexual sharing.

My discovery of this world of sex bloggers, where D/s, M/s, bondage, and S&M are quite prevalent is recent. I am not entirely new to this world, but my prior exposure was via my ex-wife's activities in the end-days of our marriage. She had discovered the erotic writings of a well known Dom (this was back in 1999 or so, and I don't recall his name). He was a prolific writer and she had become mesmerized by not only his writing, but also by him as a man. She located him, contacted him, and in a matter of days was flying to Virginia to be with him. She made this trip at least twice and perhaps three times. Spending up to a week with him, entering his world as a fully submissive member of his household.

She never regaled me with any of the details. And honestly, at that time in my development, I would not have wanted to hear it.

But now, I am on the brink of discovery and do plan to learn more. To experiment. To see where I fall on this kink scale. I did a test I tripped into on another sex blog a few days ago (sorry, I don't remember where it was) and learned that on the kinkiness scale I was rated highly in two areas: exhibitionist/voyeur and switch. I'd agree with that evaluation. I definitely like to show myself off and do have public sex fantasies quite a bit. I also like to watch (though I really never have except in porn). And switching roles seems consistent with how I would most enjoy this kinkiness. Next was a category called 'experimental' and if I interpret that correctly, that too sounds right. I am into trying many new things.

I ranked more submissive than dominant. Possible. And only marginal interests in sadism, masochism, or bondage. Surprisingly, the category 'vanilla' was at the bottom of the list. But given the nature of the test, that's not too surprising.

So after trying for about an hour or two, I just could not make the MfM fantasy coalesce. Maybe after I have tried a few things. Met some folks into this lifestyle who can help me understand it better, then maybe the fantasies will begin to write themselves.

A Difficult Subject

2009-12-07T21:47:00.002-05:00

In my story over on Alexa's site a couple of weeks ago, I mentioned that I sometimes have suffered from the dread ED. This is not an easy subject for any man, for it cuts directly to the core of our sexuality, of our ability to actually perform. The two times in my life when this has been the most common for me were during the long drawn out end of my marriage and more recently during a seven month intimate relationship. But every now and then it crops up again, and sometimes (well, let's be honest here, all the time) in the most inopportune times.

According to the Mayo Clinic:

Most men notice a difference in their sexual response by age 60 to 65. The penis may take longer to become erect, and erections may not be as firm. It may take longer to achieve full arousal and to have orgasmic and ejaculatory experiences. Erectile dysfunction also becomes more common.

When things are going right for me, I still respond quite normally. My cock gets hard when stimulated. And, if anything, the longer time to orgasm is a benefit for me (and my partner) and often results in some of the most intense ejaculations I have ever experienced. But, I never really know when things will be right ahead of time.

I had this problem this past weekend and it tarnished an otherwise fantastic Saturday evening of fun. My partner that evening, a 26 year old escort I was seeing for the second weekend in a row, was spending the night so we decided to play around in other ways and ultimately feel asleep in one another's arms with promises to try again in the morning. Morning came,and unfortunately, we were unable to fulfill that promise to each other due to our mutually conflicting morning schedules (she slept like a rock until I needed to be somewhere else).

I have a supply of a generic viagra pills that work wonders, but for me the issues with its use are the unpleasant side effects. First comes the totally stuffy head. Like I can hardly breath through my nose at all, forcing me to breathe through my mouth making it sound like I am totally winded. Then there is the fucking headache. This is the worst part but fortunately it doesn't always strike me too badly.

But I will say that I totally love the intended effect of using it (and who wouldn't?):

But because I don't always need it, I seldom plan for it when beginning to play sexually. I just wish to hell there was some signal my body would give me when it plans to rebel on me. It's really not fair at all.

What’s Next

2009-12-07T07:40:00.007-05:00

Monday morning here. It was a crazy weekend. I had a more sexually active weekend than any since...well since I can remember. Unfortunately, as this week begins I have no time available to do justice to describing what the weekend was like, what it meant, and what direction it sets for the next chapters in my life.

I will relate that I had a wonderful evening Saturday shooting my first set of erotic pictures with a 26 year old friend that extended well into Sunday morning. And last night I had another meeting with a professional escort. The latter was, unfortunately, nowhere near as exciting to me as my first meeting that I documented on this site and also on Alexa's RPD site a couple of weeks ago. It was nice, but it left me feeling less than satisfied and really thinking my money could have been better spent. I will write more about that encounter very soon.

I apologize for not having time to write more this morning, but I have a totally crazy week coming up at work and may not have time to get it well documented.

So to sooth your desires, here's one of the shots from Saturday.

The Forty Story Fuck

2009-12-03T22:56:00.000-05:00

It was a beautiful day in upstate New York and seemed a perfect time to make a trip up to the observation deck at the Empire State Plaza. We passed though the security check point, got our passes. We were alone on the elevator and I took the opportunity to push you against the back wall and kiss you passionately. You wrapped your arms up under my arms and pulled the back of my head hard against you, and our mouths blended to one with our tongue trashing between us. Forty stories up on an express elevator was just long enough to get us both a little excited.

When the elevator open, we were surprised to find that there was no one else around on the observation area, it was totally deserted. We wandered about looking at the city and the long path of the Hudson River winding its way south to NYC, but we couldn't keep out hands off one another.

We stopped by one of the windows and your put your hand up on the window and leaned forward to look down into the city below. Your position was simply too inviting to ignore, so I moved close behind you and placed one of my hands on your hip. You pushed back agaist me and wiggled your ass a little. I lowered my zipper and pulled out my hard cock and pressed it against you. You felt it pushing against your buttocks and reached back to lift the hem of your short skirt up, revealing your pantiless derriere. You put you arms back up on the window to support your weight looking right down onto the roof of the state capitol building. I grabbed you by the waist and pulled your ass back towards me making your pussy visible to me. I used my hand to guide my dick into place.

It slid deeply up your wet twat, and you moaned and sighed as I plunged it in and pulled it out, over and over again. We fucked like that until we both came. As I withdrew, my cum oozed from your pussy and fell to the black marble floor where is plopped in a puddle obvious to anyone who saw it.

We returned to the elevator to go down. As we passed the security desk about six guards smiled huge shit-eating grins at us. We looked at the station and, sure enough, right in the middle is a monitor showing the exact spot where we had just been.

I waved at them and you gave them a big wink and as we walked past them, you flipped up your skirt and gave them a nice flash of the real thing!

HNT for December 3, 2009

2009-12-02T22:49:00.001-05:00

Last week was fun. And with any luck I will have some help this weekend doing some shots for upcoming HNTs. I did a few shots this week and have picked this one. Enjoy.

My Sexual Bucket List #1

2009-12-02T06:43:00.002-05:00

You all must know that Jack Nicholson/Morgan Freeman movie The Bucket List where two terminally ill men write of list of all the things they want to do before they die, and becasue the Jack Nicholson character is wildly rich, he sets it up so they begin to mark one thing after another from the list. Maybe only us old farts appreciated that film. I know it is in my top 10 list of movies.

Anyway, I am not dying anytime soon (I hope) but I am old enough to begin thinking about the question of whether or not I have things I need to do before life winds down for me. And as you would know had you read the previous week's worth of posts here at SS@S, one of the major areas for me to explore is sex.

I plan to create such a list, and hopefully begin to cross some of those items off. I was going to just write out a long list of things, but have decided to do it in more long and drawn out manner by making the Bucket List a regular feature of SS@S. This is the first installment.

First on my list is to be in a threesome. I've never had sex with more than one person at a time. But without question group sex is at the top of my list. But let's keep this one simple, and add the other variations later. A simple male fantasy of having two women at the same time (FMF). I can imagine how I would feel to look down and see two mouths moving around my cock and balls, licking and sucking, kissing one another...oh my god, it makes me hard to just imagine it. I crave the sensation of having my dick inside one cunt while I have another smashed down on my face.

Yes, indeed. A threesome sounds simply hot as hell to me! #1 on my sexual bucket list.

An Afternoon in Leominster Massachusetts

2009-11-30T23:23:00.001-05:00

When I first emerged from my sexually repressed shell a few years ago I was totally unsure of how to go about fixing my problem. I have never been skilled at chatting up women, never picked a woman up at a bar, and hardly knew how to make "a move" that would signal a date (assuming I got that far) that I wanted to move forward. (Sometimes I wonder how I ever got married then I remember that my wife asked ME!)

So I was not sure where to turn. First I tried a few sites like Yahoo Personals where I actually did meet someone who to this day is my closest personal friend, the only person in my life who literally knows everything about me, including all the truly bad shit I did in the waning years of my marriage. But while we had a nice affair for about 6 or 7 months, the passion was not strong enough to hold us together sexually.

A few months after she and I ended our intimate relationship, I discovered the site WildMatch. (I note that there is still a site that goes by that name, apparently similar to the one I joined, but from all reports, very different in terms of membership). I felt like it was worth trying out, so I paid for 90 days, developed a profile (name: longhottongue), and went hunting. This is not to be a story of all of my experiences on that site and there were many, but rather the story of one particular encounter. Her name is changed, though the pictures below are indeed from our afternoon together.

I met Janet one afternoon in early September, about the same time that Katrina had left the Gulf Coast devastated. She was from Long Island (I am in upstate NY). I tried all my usual initial emails, but she jumped in and said flat out that she didn't care for all the games and just wanted to know if we could meet. "Hot damn," I think, "of course we can!" Janet was 45 at the time (I was 55) and she had grown weary of being hit on my the hordes of college kids and horny 20 somethings looking for a MILF. She wanted a real man.

It took a few weeks but she had plans to be in eastern Massachusetts at an Army Reserve meeting away from her husband and family for a weekend and would be able to meet me between about 3 pm and 6 pm on Sunday before she had to drive home. So I drove over, grabbed a hotel room and waited. We had spoken on the phone several times, so I was beginning to feel like I knew her a bit. Finally she arrived. I met her in the parking lot and we hugged and kissed, a nice wet kiss with light tongues.

We quickly ducked into the bedroom and I had the distinct honor of removing her regulation Army uniform and soon she was naked. I was thrilled with her body and told her so. So I began exploring with fingers and mouth. Her skin quivered at my touch as I kissed downwards, circling each breast before sucking her nipples into my mouth. Licking and tasting her stomach and ultimately ending up between her legs, which I ran my hands under and lifted and pushed them back over her shoulders opening her cunt and ass for my tongue to explore in detail. She shivered again as I flicked my tongue on her clit and grabbed my head and pulled it into her as she rocked hard in her first orgasm.

She then noticed that I was still fully dressed and worked quickly to strip my clothing. My cock strained at my underwear and when she pulled them down, it sprang free and she took in in her hand momentarily, getting its feel and heft, before leaning forward and taking it into her mouth, swabbing her tongue around the head and then licking down the shaft and taking my cleanly shaved balls into her mouth. I moaned audibly, and she took me in deeply holding my dick at the back of her throat until she gagged a bit and pulled off slowly, running her tongue all along the bottom.

I picked her up and moved her back on the bed and lay next to her then pulled her on top of me, her cunt hanging inches from my nose and my cock again disappearing in her mouth. Now I truly love 69, and she did as well. We used the position to fully explore one another both orally and manually. We 69ed for what seemed like a half hour or more (probably wasn't that long), before we mutually agreed that we needed my dick inside her pussy. With condom in place, we positioned for doggie and I slipped inside her, and she gasped as I plunged as deep as I could. She rocked back hard against me and we began to find a rhythm that increased in tempo and I plunged deep inside her and then pulled almost all the way out, only the very tip of my dick at the entrance to he vagina...and then I'd plow forward and she'd slam back into me.

Honestly, here I was 55 years old and I'm going to tell you flat out that up to that point in my life I had never fucked a woman as hard as I was fucking Janet. My knees kept slipping out from under me so I grabbed her hips and held on as we kept slamming into one another; the slapping of skin on skin filling the room along with my grunts and her, moaning "oh gods" and "shit yes, fuck mes". My balls slapped her clit on each thrust and soon we both reached a point of no return, me unloading in a series of spasms, each seemingly more intense than the one before while feeling her pussy grip me hard in pulsations that added to the pleasure.

We collapsed in a lump on the bed. Both out of breath, but also knowing that we had only just begun. We took a break to talk and discuss our mutual lives. The first time we had really discussed much or anything personal with one another. Janet lived in a sexless marriage, a story I now understand is terribly common. It was true in my marriage, and so many sex blogs are written my dissatisfied women. Janet was one of those women no longer able to find the sexual passion she so much desired in her husband.

After a short break, we snuggled close, kissing and exploring each other with fingers and mouths. Janet worked down my body as I lay on my back and took my still semi-erect cock in her mouth. I loved the feel of my dick growing in her mouth, the moist warmth invigorating the blood flow once again. She licked down my shaft, replacing her mouth with her hand as she nuzzled her nose and mouth on my sack, licking at and suck my nuts.

Then she kept moving even lower, and I felt the exquisite feel of her tongue on my anus, and I gasped. No one had ever done that to me before. No one. Ever. Uncharted territory for me. And my body shook. I mean I literally shook. And she worked her tongue around and around my butthole, pressing a bit harder on each pass. Soon her tongue was inside me, swirling and touching nerves I never new I had. Not able to hold out any longer, I experienced my first ever assgasm, not a traditional male orgasm, but far far better! It lasted for what felt like minutes...hell I think it was minutes. I was totally and completely out of control, pushing my ass into her face, feeling her tongue thrusting inside of me, I just gave myself over to the totally pleasurable event. The camera was totally forgotten in the massive ejaculation-free orgasm. I turned to jelly. Hands down the best feeling I have ever experienced.

We fucked some more, and took another break. Finally as our time together was running short, Janet gave me another long sweet blow job and allowed me to cum in her mouth. Then, at my request, we kissed deeply sharing the cum in a wonderfully erotic kiss.

We left the room and went out for a nice dinner then parted company. It was a grand day for me. I will always remember Janet fondly as the woman who taught me the wonders of anal play. I've taken that pleasure to further levels since, with other partners, but still have lots more to go. My only regrets are that while Janet very much wanted to see me again, I made the foolhardy mistake of thinking I had fallen in love with another woman online and told Janet it was over. Last winter, I called her again but she said those days of fooling around were over for her.

But here is the point of all of this. We were two folks getting on in age. I was past that magic age of 50. But Janet was sick of the boy toys who never really did give her the pleasure she wanted. We had great sex. We had slow and patient sex. We had fast, exhausting sex. We played in many different positions. We explored the limits of each others current desires and pushed a little bit farther. It was all good. Hell, it was just fucking fantastic!

The Payoff for Good Etiquette

2009-11-30T06:00:00.002-05:00

This post has been submitted to Microfantasy Monday. Check out other such stories at Sweltering Celt.

One thing my parents always impressed upon me as I grew up was to always be polite. And whenever the situation warranted it was my duty as a gentleman to hold the door for women, to help them put on the coats, and to make sure that I opened the car door for them. Now, in the 50's and 60's all of these things were pretty much commonplace in my life. I mean, if you went on a date, the girl would literally sit in the car and wait for you to open the car for her. If you didn't...woe be unto you for the rest of the evening.

But such common courtesies have seemingly passed away. While I still hold doors for my mother and my mother's friends, it hardly ever occurs to me on a date. That was until I went out with Carol. I had met Carol through some friends and they told me that she was really a pretty old-fashioned type of gal and that she liked her dates to do all those things I had learned early in life.

So we made plans for going out for a late dinner one night after we got off work. I drove to her place, parked the car in the driveway and approached the front door. I rang the bell and was greeted by an older woman who introduced herself as Carol's Aunt who was in town for a visit. "Carol," she said, "is still getting prepared, would you care for a drink?" I asked for a glass of Jack Daniels, neat, and sat in the living room chatting while Carol was getting ready. This all had a familiar feel, girls were never supposed to be ready when the date arrived...that would appear too anxious.

Finally Carol descended the steps and slipped into the room wearing the classic little black dress, which was cut just short of the top of her knees. I complemented her on her appearance, which brought a nice smile to her face. It was a little chilly out so she grabbed her jacket and handed it to me to find out if I knew what to do. Thanks to Mom, I did.

I made sure to get Carol carefully into the car before I opened my own side and we drove to the restaurant, one of the nicest in our town. I helped her from the car when we arrived, allowed her to follow the maitre'd to our table where I carefully pulled her chair out, and helped her get comfortable. Then I took our jackets to the coat check.

Dinner went fine. We found plenty of things to talk about and had a bottle of wine with dinner. By after dinner coffee we had relaxed quite a bit. Carol looked me in the eyes and said, "You are really a fine gentleman, you know. Not many men are as conscious of the proper way to treat a lady in public."

I felt a little embarrased, but said simply, "My mother taught me well."

Again Carol smiled, but this time her eyes had a different glint, like there was something inside her trying to get out. She said in a sultry voice, "Did your mother explain what a gentleman gets for being so polite?"

"No, she never did," I answered, with a questioning look on my face, "just what do we get?"

"Oh, you'll find out," she answered and put her napkin on the table and excused herself to go to the ladies room. My memory bank helped again and I stood as she did. As she walked past me, she gently touched my shoulders and said, "Pay the bill, I'll meet you at the coat check." And then leaned in and gave me a light peck on the cheek.

I wondered, "That's it? That's what I get for being a gentleman? A grandma kiss on the cheek?"

I took care of the check, and went to the coat check to wait. I recovered our jackets, put mine on and waited for Carol. When she arrived she was walking quickly with a definite bounce to her step. She was grinning from ear to ear as I helped her with her jacket, then turned to face me and leaned forward and gave me a nicer lingering kiss on my lips. Then whispered in my ear, "In a minute, you will understand!"

Still baffled, I gave her my arm as I had been trained to do and we walked to the car. I unlocked the car doors as we approached and then opened the door for her. I was standing close, as I gently guided her by her arm into a sitting position. She sat down, both feet still on the ground outside of the car. She grasped my hand just as I was about to pull back and get ready to close the door for her.

Then in a deeply husky voice she grabbed my attention, "This is what gentlemen gets for ... well ... for being a gentlemen." With that statement, she quickly swung her left leg into the car, leaving the right one still outside. In the courtesy lights on the door, what I saw made my heart skip a beat. For between her legs was the most beautifully shaven pussy I had ever seen. Clearly it was very wet and the lips had been spread open, no doubt during her visit to the ladies room, with the moist pinkness glistening in the dim light.

She held her legs in that position until she was quite sure that I had seen what she meant. Then she released my arm and said, "Now, take me to your house and fuck me!"

Back to Truth and Innocence

2009-11-29T15:58:00.000-05:00

On Aphrodite44's blog Secret Tales for a Sexually Awakened Goddess, she has a small picture of herself at a young age with the caption, "This is where I'll return...back to Truth and Innocence." I too have such pictures that I often look at and see the innocence and carefree nature of my true being. I am at a beach in New Jersey as a child, maybe 4 years old or so. I am with my first girlfriend, who my mother tells me was named Ellen. She was really pretty wasn't she? (And damn, I was a cute young fellow myself.)

And we seem to have gotten along quite well as seen in the following picture. I am clearly having a good time, and the look she is giving me tells me that I was certainly doing something right!

So these images make me ponder the intervening years. Of how I managed to transition from that open, flirtatious little boy into a shy, inhibited, uptight young man who could seldom engage in so much as a simple conversation with a girl I liked, much less ask her out on a date.

As I embark on this journey here at SS@S, I am struggling for a balance between soul searching self evaluations, tales of my recent sexual encounters, developmental stories from my deep past (like, "My Fist Time" story), and fantasies that shed light on what is happening in my sexual treasure chest.

Do You Believe that "Age is Just a Number?"

2009-11-28T14:41:00.002-05:00

We've all heard that saying: "Age is just a number." Do you believe it?

I ask largely because age and its relationship to sexual activity is the fundamental topic that drives this blog. I have mentioned it many times in the short week that SS@S has been around, that I find my age to be a hurdle in moving from casual conversation to physical intimacy.

On Fling.com, for example, many female profiles (even from women in their late 40's) will explicitly state: "No one over 50." Or some of the younger women who can get downright nasty if you send them a message, "You're old enough to be my father [grandfather], perv!" or the like is not an uncommon reply to get. I usually stay away from profiles of women under 30, but if they sound like fun and don't explicitly put an age limit on their profile, I may sometimes send out the early 'feeler' message.

But usually, there is simply no reply whatsoever. I can see they are active. I know they are chatting with others. But my messages are simply ignored. I have been around the block on this issue long enough to know that the nature of that first message sets the tone for whether or not there will be a reply. I always try to be informally chatty, while showing through my use of words that I am a reasonably intelligent person. I am not one of the masses of guys who send the: "Your tits look great, let's get together and fuck" type of messages. I always tried to be thoughtful, to refer to something in the woman's profile, to attempt to find something that would click.

I know myself pretty well. At 59 I am definitely at the peak of my sexuality. And my desires are really focused on giving pleasure even moreso than on getting it. I can take my time now. I can really relax and enjoy a woman's body. I can engage in intimate banter. I get enjoyment from simply being naked with a woman and letting our hands and mouths explore at will. In other words, I can be a very enjoyable man to be in bed with (or wherever we happen to be together).

I am beginning to understand that many women have sexual interests that I have not fully appreciated. I am interested in exploring some of those interests but also know some will be a stretch for me. I am by nature a fairly passive person, meaning that assuming a more dominant bedroom role is not something that I would do without some conscious effort at it. I remember when I first signed up a few years ago on WildMatch. One the first women who engaged with me was a seriously submissive woman who wanted a man to totally dominate her and basically treat her like shit (or so that is what I read in her words), which was not something I could grasp. I think now, after reading many blogs in the past few weeks I am on the cusp of getting this attitude. I'm not there yet, but I am working at it.

Anyway, I wonder if my readers (and I don't really have any idea how many of you there may be) want to tell me how you feel about age and sex? If you are older (let's say 50+), do you have problems finding single sex? If you are young (let's say, under 40) do you get grossed out at the idea of sex with someone 20-30 years older than you?

Let me hear from you!

Maggie’s Gang Bang

2009-11-27T00:19:00.007-05:00

Thursday evening, after stuffing myself at a restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner, I came home and visited my friend Maggie’s tantalizing site. She was in a frenzy of new posts, laying out her plans for meeting men and couples to expand her sexual horizons. I began commenting on each of the new posts and soon she was quickly commenting on my comments, and so on. We got into quite a complicated exchange spanning at least four or five different threads on her site.

At one point I suggested that we all (including several other commenters on her site) get together and gang bang her. To which she replied: “Just line the men up, rubbers in hand and I’ll be the one on the edge of the bed with my legs open! Dammit…now I’m all kinds of wet. Damn you!”

This has inspired tonight’s fantasy. I should say that before reading of Alexa’s well planned out gang bang a few weeks ago, the idea of a gang bang has done little for me. But I understand that many women do entertain such fantasies, so I am adding the participation in such an event to my list of things to do…but only with a woman who really wants it.

It took a few weeks to get all the planning worked out. Maggie had coordinated her work schedule to allow her to be out of town for several days and flew to the site of the deed. I too made similar plans and met Maggie at the airport. After having spent most of the past two weeks in whatever time we could find to make the plans together, it was like meeting an old friend. We hugged tightly, her large breasts smashing into my chest, our lips met lightly at first, but the excitement of finally being together turned the simple hello kiss into a deep french kiss, our tongues pushing and swirling against one another.

We held onto one another for a long time. Maggie whispered in my ear, “I am so fucking wet right now!” To which I replied, “And I am so hard!” But the airport concourse was no place for such activity so we grabbed our bags and quickly found the rental car agency and collected our car.

We drove quickly to the hotel where we had taken two adjoining rooms. The actual gang bang was scheduled for later that evening, with two other fans of Maggie’s site traveling in from out of town and two other guys picked up after a fairly meticulous Craig’s List search, for a total of five of us to be involved. One of the locals was bringing a girl friend who had agreed to work as a fluffer.

In the car over, Maggie was so horny that she pulled her skirt up in the seat, spread her legs and turned towards me while I drove and fingered herself and smacked her erect clit, all the while telling me how much she was looking forward to having a cock in each hand and one in her mouth and yet another banging her cunt. Maggie was still an anal virgin and was not planning to change that for this event. Her wetness welled up as she got closer and closer to orgasm. Her breath came in short pants and she rocked her hips hard against her fingers. Pushing two fingers deeply inside of herself, she pressed her g-spot and in a rapid spasm, shot her cum across the seat, leaving a wet trail from her pussy to my legs.

I was terribly hard but tried to concentrate on finding the hotel. Finally spotting it up ahead, I pulled into the lot and ran inside to register for our rooms. Maggie sat in the car, contemplating the evening ahead.

We dragged our bags into our rooms, opened the adjoining doors, latched the doors tight and both stripped quickly. Maggie had explained to me that she had lost a lot of weight and I was pleasantly surprised to find her body plump but attractively so. Her breasts were big and heavy with large nipples set in silver-dollar sized areolas. I couldn’t keep my hands off of them, hefting them in my palms, and raising them to my lips. I kissed the nipples and felt them become aroused at my touch. Maggie moaned, and let her hand find my erect cock and give it a squeeze. I moaned in return.

Somehow, the bed materialized behind Maggie and she fell back on the bed, her legs spreading wide, her wet pussy already dripping down through her ass. I went down, lapping her sweet juices with my tongue and swallowing it. She pulled her legs back against her breasts exposing everything between her legs to me. I love licking ass, so I could not resist and swiped my tongue around that tight little hole, already wet from her pussy. Maggie was so hot and excited that she came almost instantly, grabbing my head and pulling my face hard into herself.

“I want to taste you, Bob,” she said slipping to her knees before me. She fondled my balls, and stroked my cock. Precum oozed forth and she reached out with her tongue and touched the blob building on the tip drawing it out in a long string as she pulled her head back. The sucking the string into her mouth she returned quickly and swallowed my dick in one fast movement.

I allowed her to suck on me for a few minutes then gently took her head in my hands and pulled her off of me cock and turned her face up to mine for a long erotic kiss. “I have to stop now,” I said, “I have to be ready for tonight.” She nodded her understanding and we climbed onto the bed and simply held one another, touching gently, and discussed the plans for later.

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Around 8 pm, we had the first call from one of the out of towners. He was in the hotel and wanted the room number. Justin had learned of the plans for the gangbang reading on Maggie’s blog and had asked if he could join. After some detailed checks, both Maggie and I decided he was a good match. He was 45, still married but unhappy in his sex life. He was of similar build to me, about 5’10” and 165 pounds and claimed to have a thick, 6-inch cock.

The second call came a few minutes later. This was Jim, one of the locals who was bringing Sarah, his girlfriend, to be our fluffer and who really just wanted to watch the whole scene unfurl. Jim was 29, 6’ tall and about 180 pounds. Sarah turned out to be very cute. She was 24, and had a tight little body with small tits and sweet ass.

Next came Carter. Another of Maggie’s readers. I hadn’t really known to much about Carter other than that Maggie really liked her email exchanges with him. Carter was a 34 year black business manager. Pretty average build and as he entered the room, he was clearly pretty nervous. Hell, the more I looked from face to face, I saw a lot of nervousness. None of us had ever done this before.

Enter Matt. Matt on the other hand, was experienced. We found him on Craig’s List when advertising for someone experienced in group sex scenes and gang bangs. He had participated in three or four previous bangs and both Maggie and I had spoken to him on the phone several times in the past week.

Matt began the action. He went up to Maggie and grabbed her – yes, grabbed – by the hair and pulled her mouth to his. He had asked her how she felt about a little roughness and Maggie had said it was ok. Of course, we all knew the safe word. From that kiss, things began to blur for me – and even moreso for Maggie.

I was vaguely aware that Justin and Carter had stripped and Jim was undressing Sarah. I followed suit and soon there were seven naked people in the room. I looked over at Maggie and she already had Matt’s dick in her mouth, moving rapidly up and down on it. Sarah was kneeling in front of me and I felt my semi-erect cock slip past her lips. Justin was between Maggie’s legs, licking her pussy. Maggie reached out and took Jim’s and Carter’s dicks in her hands and began playing with them.

Clearly, Maggie was going to cum soon. The stimulation was just so intense. With a spasm, she bucked and Justin’s mouth was filled with the gush of Maggie’s cum. He was a bit surprised but smiled and looked up at Maggie and smiled, “I was waiting for that, wow, that was so fucking cool.”

Sarah slipped a condom on my hard cock and I took Justin's place between Maggies’s legs and inserted my seven-inch member inside her. She quivered beneath me and accepted me. She now moved her mouth to Carter’s dick and began to fellate both Matt and Carter, while Justin slipped his dick into Sarah’s mouth. Jim was slipping a condom on his cock and was waiting his turn behind me. I banged Maggie for about five minutes, enjoying a least one nice cum from her and a few little ones.

As a group, we turn Maggie onto her knees and bent her over. Jim began fucking her hard from behind, his youthful energy apparent in his movements. Maggie squirmed, now taking Carter, Matt, and my cock in her mouth while squeezing and playing with out dicks and balls. Her mouth was on fire with passion for the assaults. Matt continued to be the most aggressive among us, fucking her mouth hard when it was his turn, grabbing her head and holding it still. Maggies’s throat had relaxed and she was able to take us all deep.

Jim began grunting and moving faster apparent that he was about to cum, I leaned down and looked Maggie in the eye and said, “Jim's cumming inside you now.” She nodded her acknowledgement and she also let go just as Jim jerked as he came. Justin was ready now and donned his cover and slammed his dick into Maggie as soon as Jim had pulled out.

It then became apparent that Matt was about to cum as well, He pulled from Maggie’s mouth and jacked himself fast and hard. The first shot smacked her in the cheek, the second on her nose, and then the final spurts went directly into her mouth. Matt backed away and moved the other room for a drink and to relax. That left Carter and me working Maggie’s mouth. She took our dicks in her hand and tried to stuff them both in her mouth at the same time. It was an odd sensation to have my cock up against Carter’s as she sucked the heads into her mouth. Carter groaned and let loose a load deep into her mouth. I pulled out and unloaded my cum onto her tits, rubbing it in with my cock. Justin was turned on by all the cumming and soon he too busted his nut inside Maggie’s cunt.

That was the end of round one. Maggie lay back on the bed, ready for a break. I grabbed her a bottle of water and held it to her lips. Our cum was slick on her tits and face, her smile wide.
“Oh Bob,” she smiled at me, “That was SO intense!”

And there were three or four more rounds to go before the night ended.

The Pussy Eating Challenge

2009-11-25T07:46:00.002-05:00

I promised that my Wednesday posts would be light-hearted and hopefully bring a smile to your face. I wrote today's story several years ago while I was 'courting' many different women over at the site Wild Match (not the same as the current version of that site). The story reflects two important elements for what I find pleasurable in sex: pussy eating and humor.

With tomorrow being Thanksgiving, I trust you will not overindulge...unless you have the opportunity to take part in a: Pussy Eating Challenge

We find a comfortable place to do it. It is the pussy eating challenge. The challenge is, who will call it quits first, me or you. How many times will you cum before you scream, "NO MORE" or have to have a cock instead? How long can I lick, probe, and suck between your legs.

The prize? The winner gets to choose our next sexual activity.

The rules are simple. No hands, only mouth and tongue. We find a comfortable position for both of us so we can’t use that as an excuse to quit. We use a nice big recliner chair. You sit in it and spread your legs and scootch your hips forward a little. I kneel on a pillow in front of the chair and position my head so that it is not twisted at all and begin to go to work. You say, “It’s 9 o’clock.”

At 10, we are still holding on. You've already lost track of orgasms. My tongue is numb and I wonder realistically how long I can really do this. But you’re showing no signs of having had enough so I press on.

At 11, I am nearly dead. I know I won’t be able to talk for a week. My tongue feels like it is raw. You have cum so many times and had all different sorts of orgasms you are exhausted but won’t be the one to quit.

At 11:15 I’ve had it. I concede. “You win!!!,” I say, “What do you want me to do next.”

You have an EVIL grin. You smile and laugh as you say,

“I want you to EAT ME!”

Have a Happy Thanksgiving, I'll see you tomorrow for HNT!

How'd It Go?

2009-11-24T21:22:00.005-05:00

My afternoon was spent with an angel. With no exceptions, my provider today, was the most sexually alluring and beautiful woman I have ever been with. For a different perspective on this afternoon delight, please see the write up I did for Alexa's Real Princess Diaries.

After sending the previous post from the room, I tried to be calm as I waited. When she called at 12:55 to get my room number, I was nearly out of my skin with excitement. When she knocked on the door and I opened it, I felt the relief of knowing we were going to get started.

She was stunningly beautiful. Tall. Slender. Large tits. Great butt. Wonderful smile and laugh.

She arrived dressed as I had asked, as if for a business meeting. Well, no business meeting I have ever been too! Black skirt with a beige jacket that barely covered her deep cleavage. Black thigh high stocking and stiletto heeled black shoes.

We moved to the the small sitting couch and looked at some of my photos that I had brought along, including some of my artistic nudes. From the nudes, the champagne was opened. And my hands began to roam a bit.

Her jacket opened fast revealing a nice black bra from Frederiks. Curious about the bottom, I asked her to remove her skirt which she did, placing her long stocking-clad legs across my lap, spreading her legs to show me her panty-covered pussy. She ran her hand down and began rubbing herself, which I acknowledged was pretty damned hot, so she slid the panties off and spread herself widely to allow me to play a bit. I slipped to the floor and moved in for a nice taste. Let me just say that I have eaten enough pussies in my life to have a general sense of the variability between women, but this pussy...this pussy was pure unadulterated sweetness.

She loves oral (who doesn't) and came fairly quickly. Then she slipped to the floor and lowered my pants, allowing my very erect cock to spring free. She took it in her hand and played with my balls, finding me neatly shaved and trimmed, she went in for some ball kissing and sucking, which she did so gently that it simply felt great. Moving to the bed, she straddled my face and lowered that sweet cunt to my lips, begging me to "lick that fucking clit!" Lick it I did, lick it and suck it.

Soon we were slipping on the condom and she climbed aboard. It's been a few months -- August -- since I last had sex, so this was a real treat to feel a woman's cunt accept me inside and then to feel her rock and roll on me. She kept bantering about how much she loved my cock inside her and I was equally vocal in letting anyone near the room know what was happening in there. After some doggie and missionary we took a break, and talked about masturbation and porn. She loves to masturbate, and so do I, so this led to us watching each other masturbate. I loved watching her pussy as she used her bullet on her clit, cumming over and over again while I played with her tits and erect nipples. When it was my turn, she watched intently as I stroked myself. She helped out a bit playing with my balls until I came on her tits.

We talked for awhile. Mostly about sex. And about whether have sex like this, with an escort, made sense. I came to the conclusion that for me it is a good thing but in the end it will not really begin to address my exploratory needs. Simply too expensive.

Anyway, we went for another round after chatting for a while. More oral, more fucking, and yet more oral.

All in all, it was an amazing afternoon. Simply amazing. I had a wonderful time and will most definitely do it again.

Here's the room after we were done:

In the room

2009-11-24T12:14:00.002-05:00

Well, I'm in the room. Waiting.

The neatness of this space will be changing in about 50 minutes.

A Busy Day

2009-11-24T09:24:00.001-05:00

I suspect I will make more than one post today. For today is a pretty big day for me sexually.

I have a two hour 'date' with an escort. Yep. I have mentioned this in earlier posts, but today is the day! Honestly, I have never 'paid for it' before and never thought I would. But since discovering Alexa's Real Princess Diaries and other links about escorts, I gave it some serious thought and decided that it could be an important step for me to begin overcoming some of the deeply buried issues I have with expressing my sexuality.

So, later today I will slip away to a nice hotel. Meet a young woman (she is 32) with a great deal of experience, and most likely get myself laid. How exciting, eh?

I have promised Alexa "first rights" to the story, but you will read about it here as well. That I know.

If you follow me on Twitter (http://twitter.com/forgingahead56), I plan to drop in a few tweets along the way.

An Encounter in The Woods

2009-11-23T17:55:00.001-05:00

I first met J. while in one of my periodic forays into the site OK Cupid. It is a different sort of a "dating" site. There is no cost to do most of the stuff you want to do on such sites, so I can't think of a single reason to not belong to it. Add to that that some of the folks there are really and truly interested in finding intimate partners. I'd had a few nice dates from the site, had made some online friends, but generally had found the site very tame compared to my prior fun at WildMatch.

But in August 2008, I saw a profile of a an older woman, 63 years old, who lived in the mountains of western Vermont, not too far from me. So I sent her an email, to which she replied. I am sorry to say that all record of our subsequent emails, text messages, and IM logs have long since disappeared in a swap of computers, but let's say, things moved quickly with J.

I first emailed her on a Monday evening. By Tuesday we were flirting pretty heavily with lots of sexual innuendo but not yet breaching the subject at all. By the following Tuesday we were fucking.

J was a widow. Her husband had died of a terribly debilitating disease some 8 years earlier, and she had been his primary caregiver for years leading up to his death. Since, she had worked to transform their Shangra La of a home in the Vermont mountains into a her artist haven, with separate studio building and more. But, she said, she was now feeling prepared to reach out and find a man to be close with. And we were hitting it off quite well.

She had to make a run downstate NY on Wednesday of that first week and we decided to have a cup of coffee together. Her route passed within a mile of my workplace, so we met at a local Dunkin Donuts and fell into one another eyes. The magic of our online discussion had successfully transitioned through a face to face meeting. Neither of us could keep the smile from our face. She was on business until Friday, but would be bringing her grandson up for the weekend so we would be unable to see one another until the following week. We made plans for dinner at a place about equidistant from both of our places. We kissed demurely at her car - no tongue, but a sweet soft lingering meeting of lips.

For the rest of Wednesday and all day Thursday and into Friday we were constantly texting one another. And the content of the texts became unabashedly sexual in nature. As we began to discuss each other's sexual desires, we found much common ground. By Friday, she called and told me that instead of dinner on Tuesday, she wanted me to come to her mountain retreat for dinner and, without question she said, "plan to spend the night."

As she drove up the Northway on that Friday I had her place her vibrating phone between her legs and then would periodically call her and give her a little reminder of what was in store. It distracted her so badly, she missed her exit!

Our online and text flirtations grew in frequency and in frank discussion of what we would be doing on Tuesday. It seemed like the day would never arrive. But finally it was Tuesday morning. I took the afternoon off from work, as well as the following morning, and drove the hour or so to her place. She met me on the main road and I followed her car up the side of the mountain first on paved road, then gravel and finally just a one lane dirt track with two driveways, We went up the first driveway and I had my first view of her sactuary. For that really was what this place was like. A mountain getaway. Multi-leveled building, with remarkable views and warm comfortable setting.

J gave me a tour of the place, working from the functional kitchen, bathroom area up through the living and dining areas, across an open space to another building where we entered her workspace (though she has a complete studio elsewhere on the property as well). We stopped long enough to enjoy some of her art work. We sat and talked for a few minutes, and then she asked if I got high. Well, back in the day -- hey I grew up in the 60's man! -- I was known to smoke a joint or two so I said, sure, I get high (even though before that day, I think the last time I had smoked any pot had been more than five years earlier). She broke out her stash and we smoked a couple of bowls and caught a very pleasant buzz.

Then it was time to head upstairs. She took me by the hand and we ascended the steps to her boudoir. The bed was inviting, but we weren't quite there yet.

We sat first in a little sitting area she had and she showed me some other treasures she had lying around, but our conversation was turning more suggestive, and hands were beginning to make some exploratory investigations. We kissed. Our lips joined slowly, brushing first, to share our common breath, then I let my tongue reach forth and touch her lips. She sucked it into her mouth and found it with hers. Our first deep kiss lasted for several minutes, never becoming aggressively passionate, but filled with softness and mutual desire.

I stood and drew her to me and we slipped onto the waiting bed and continued our kissing and manual explorations. No time wasting, we removed one another's clothes. I remember noting that she had on a beautiful matched set of black lace bra and panties that slipped so easily from her. Her breasts, natural and large, were accentuated by small, but tightly erect, nipples. I took one in my mouth and savored her flavor. Kissing, licking underneath her tits, and suckling those tiny nipples, I used my hands to explore elsewhere and felt her hands fondling my growing penis.

We found ourselves on our sides, but I was working my way down her body and she was having fun with my dick and balls. As I kissed my way across her belly, she sensed my goal and parted her legs to allow me to have access. Her pubic hair belied her age. Graying, but soft and gentle. Not too much either, just a pleasant frame around the sweet wetness that met my tongue. She shivered when I slowly ran my tongue up from the bottom, using it to insert into the outer lips and then by running it up I opened her up and her juices flowed freely into my mouth. I reached the top and flicked my tongue across her clit and felt her give my dick a squeeze in reply.

I rearranged myself between her spread legs and settled in for a pleasant time exploring her pussy with my tongue, my lips, and my fingers. It was as if time stood still and I was simply lost in the warm fragrance of her lust. She rocked powerfully beneath my efforts, and pushed herself harder and harder against my mouth. I worked it harder in reply, Now bringing her swollen clit to my lips and sucking it into my mouth where I proceeded to lick it silly with my tongue while continuing to suck it in.

Then I felt the warmth of her mouth encircle my dick and I was suddenly deep in her mouth, feeling her tongue sliding along the bottom of my erection. I moaned loudly and probed her vagina with a finger, reaching in and searching for her g-spot. On cue, she began to move uncontrollably against my face, and I knew she was cumming. I was along for the ride at that point, and what a grand ride it was. She shoved herself against me and shivered, then started humping my face. I kept my tongue out and erect, allowing her to use it however she wanted. As she writhed, my tongue slid from her ass to her clit then back again over and over again.

All the while she was sucking my dick in rhythm with her lower body. I was not going to hold out much longer and pulled away and shot a hot load of sticky cum on her beautiful tits.

We lay together for several minutes, our only view that of one another's genitals. We each complemented the other on appearance and performance, then slowly moved to a long frontal hug, knowing the the night held many more such interludes.

100 Word Summary

2009-11-22T21:14:00.001-05:00

Alexa has challenged any of her readers who have blogs to do a summary of their sex lives in 100 words. Now this became a fascinating idea. I mean I have something like 46 years to cover. But what shocks me is that many of you younger bloggers (and I mean, much younger) have such amazingly complex stories to tell. How will you ever get it down to 100 words?

I'll admit there are some pretty important bits and pieces that I simply had to leave out. The following does however fairly accurately get you from when I first experienced something I later learned was called 'sex' to where I sit tonight, two days from my first experience with an escort. What's missing is any sense of how I felt about any of it, any juicy, fun details, and generally any sense of context. But here it is (100 words):

Had first orgasm while playing with best friend at 13, came in my pants. Discovered wonders of masturbation and mastered it by 15; I have practiced daily ever since. First pussy at 19, second at 28. Married at 32 for 19 years. Sex was good at first but dwindled to only 2 times a year. Got confused about what sex was all about and why I cared. After divorce at 50, renewed passion for sex. Lots of short term flings, frustrated and horny. Now exploring new avenues believing I have a lot of pleasures left to experience. First escort Tuesday.

I now realize something important about my sex life that I seem to have overlooked. The first time in my life when I "came" it was a total shock to me. Honestly, I thought I had pissed myself. No one had ever explained jizz to me before! I was 12 or 13 (don't really remember which). But damn, it sure felt wonderful! And I had to do it again. The shock is that I actually managed to grow up to puberty with no real understanding or or explanation of what sex was all about.

I grew up in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia, in the 50's and 60's, as a Roman Catholic (but public school). Only two TV stations (yes, TWO! CBS and NBC). So you can begin to understand.

Of course it was not all that simple at all. I can recall several incidents, some certainly as young as 7 when I was being exposed to sex in various ways, but I don't think any of it meant a thing to me until I experienced that first orgasm.

Anyway, if you read this, and you have a blog...drop me a comment and let me see how you fit into 100 words.

Finding a Voice

2009-11-21T21:01:00.001-05:00

Starting this blog is not as easy as I had expected it to be. I have written as a profession for most of my adult life, so I wonder why I am having such difficulty working into this mode of writing.

I have maintained a photoblog for almost five years. Starting that was easy; grab a camera, shoot a picture, download to computer, post...voila! done for the day.

But I will figure this out...perhaps in the next day or so. There are several "true stories" in the works and lots of fantasies to be tapped. Here's a preview of a couple of them:

An Australian Threesome

I met Mandy and Kerry on a web site known by various names: "WildMatch", "BangMatch," and others. I had joined that site in August 2005, shortly before Katrina hit the Gulf Coast. I was doing some cam work with some of the Saturday morning crowd when I get this video request from a sweet looking lady from Australia. I was quickly realizing that I was not going to find any local ladies on the site who were active and had begun to cast a wider net for possible sexual hook ups. But, Australia?!!?

Mandy was a master at sweet talking me through my questions about why I would want to have cyber relationship, however long or short it may be, with someone I realistically had no possibility of ever seeing in person. Within a few short exchanges of messages, I was drawn in and we entered into a nice cyber makeout session, followed by some virtual foreplay.

... More to be written

Artistic Hippie chick (62) lives in woods of VT, seeks artistic hippie old-man to reawaken sexual feelings

No, this was not a real Craiglist ad, but it could have been. This is the story of Jane, a widowed artist living in the woods of western Vermont and how I meet her on a Monday on OK Cupid. Our early emails were just friendly banter, but by the end of the first night of chatting we were definitely flirting with one another. Jane had to pass through my area on the way downstate and we agreed to meet for Coffee on Thursday. Now actively texting one another, exchanging email on OK Cupid, and talking on the phone, we both knew exactly where this was heading. We made it there by the following Tuesday.

... More to be written

There will also be stories/reviews of my times on the various sites I have frequented and my experiences while on them.

Chocolate covered...

2009-11-20T00:53:00.003-05:00

It was around your birthday when I finally was able to get over to meet you. I really had to do something special I thought, something to really set me apart from all the others. I can eat pussy real good, but so can lots of guys. I can get it up and keep it up most of the time for a couple of good fucks, but not like a young guy. I can snuggle, and I can suck nipples, and I give a mean backrub! I mean, I have a pretty decent repertoire of things I can do to make a woman feel good. But what can I do that will really be different? What would burn our time together into your mind so vividly that you will never, for the rest of your life, forget about me and the wonderful time we had together that first time.

And to make it even more important, it was still like celebrating your birthday. So I wanted it to have a festive feel to it as well. As I drove over from my eastern NY home (a long boring drive across NY and down through PA and then all the way across northern Ohio.), I passed by Erie and decided it was a good place for a break. I drove down to the pier downtown and that is where I got the idea for what to do!! I shopped around and talked to a few of the vendors on the pier about the right ingredients and set out to get to the motel well in advance of your arrival.

I got to the motel in Defiance, checked in, hooked up my laptop and logged in to the site. You were online and I told you I was there. You were happy and everything was still on schedule for the next morning and afternoon. I got off the computer and tested my idea. It worked!!

------------------------------------

The next morning we chatted online for a few minutes then you said you were leaving and would be at the room soon. I lit the scented candles, put on some nice mood music, adjusted the general room lighting and made sure my preparations were in place for my surprise.

You arrived and we wasted little time. We did some small talk about kids and things, but we were together for one thing and one thing only!! We kissed, undressed one another and lay down to explore each others body. The usual things happened. You played with my dick. I fingered your pussy and licked your tits. I went down on you and ate you. But when you tried to suck my dick, I stopped you.

I have to use the bathroom, I said, and left the bed and went in the bathroom and closed and locked the door. You were amazed! Actually you were a bit miffed! How could I possibly get up and walk away when you were getting ready to give me the best blow job I had ever gotten.

I was in the bathroom for what seemed an eternity to you. You were losing the mood and yelled out, Are you coming back, or not?

I responded that I was almost ready.

Well it took another three or four minutes but I finally had it just the way I wanted it.

I opened the bathroom door and exited. You took one look and nearly died laughing.

My cock, still hard, was covered from the tip to the balls in that same chocolate dipping sauce you get at ice cream places...and that was covered with a strawberry drizzle, and the whole thin coating in chopped cherries and nuts! All topped with whipped cream!

I said, Now I am ready. I hope you like chocolate!!

You looked at the feast. And moved in for the first taste. The first suck gave you a nice mouthful of chocolate, cherries, and nuts. but you didn't get through to the filling. On the third or forth suck the crust began to crack and fall away. I picked up the pieces and rubbed them on your tits, so I could enjoy some too. Pretty soon you had me pretty much cleaned off and I had licked the drips from your tits. I cleaned your face with more kisses and licks and laid you back on the bed as you spread your legs. I slipped my cock into you and we enjoyed fucking for hours!

POSTSCRIPT: When I lived in Erie PA many years ago there was aplace on the pier downtown that specialized in selling chocolate covered, frozen bananas. That was my inspiration for today's story.

Oh My, It is Thursday Already!

2009-11-19T07:37:00.000-05:00

Well, it may be Thursday, but I have not yet decided if I will participate in HNT so this week will slide by (as will next week with it being Thanksgiving and all and I will have guest for the day).

Maybe someone who participates (Emma?) can help me understand this better. I've been to the home HNT site but even after reading the guidelines I am still unsure exactly how this thing works. And, while I surely enjoy seeing some of you ladies half-nekkid (and indeed full-nekkid as well), I look at myself and a lot of self-doubt creeps in.

I am not ashamed of my body. Not at all. I am in pretty decent shape for my age. Not ripped. But not overweight either. I exercise daily. And will say that my interest in finding sexual pleasures has made me much more aware of my appearance than I ever was as a younger man.

Anyway, I do hope to get into this idea. Maybe if I get a few people reading and commenting here who will encourage me to loosen up a bit, you'll soon see bits and pieces of me on this page.

This is a Challenge

2009-11-18T22:44:00.001-05:00

I am totally blown away by the quality of many of the blogs I have been reading for the past few weeks. As time goes by I am sure I will have to send my thanks to many of you for the insights I have gotten from you. But right now, I am feeling very very intimidated.

I really don't know where or how to begin. There is no easy beginning, which is usually a good place to start. I believe folks prefer to read exciting stories filled with lots of details. But I am not comfortable jumping into that place at this time. I will get there, surely. But I think some background is important first.

Much like Janie at The Late Bloomer, I too was a late bloomer. A VERY late bloomer. In fact, while I had something akin to a sex life for most of my adult life, I never really had a satisfactory sex life. For reasons that I will get into in a later post, I suffered from a very deep unconscious message about sex planted by my Mother when I was reaching puberty. Without going into details, it took me some very difficult times and some very screwed up relationships before I was able to face the simple truth that subconscious message hid from me. I was passing 50 when several cathartic events in my life opened my eyes and I realized just how much I had been missing.

But how on earth can a man in his 50's catch up? How can I find the joys of sex that I missed in my twenties and then totaly squandered during 19 years of marriage? This has become something of an obsession for me. I have tried many paths, some with moderate success; some with startling failure; but none that have yet opened the door to a quality experience of my sexuality.

What, you may inquire, is it that you are looking for? I want it all really. I want to experience sex in ways I have only read about or watched on porn. I want a wanton sensual women to want to be with me for something other than being an intelligent dinner companion. I want to experience sex with multiple partners in a variety of group sex settings. I want to do things sexually that I have never done before.

Why, I am sure you wonder, is it so hard to find a sexual partner? I wish I knew the answer to that question. All I know is that it is a very hard thing for me and always has been. I have lots of female friends. I can pick up the phone and be with a woman friend for dinner, a movie, or a visit to an art gallery virtually any night of the week. But these are not the sexual partners I search for. They are fun. I wouldn't trade their friendship for anything; but they are not interested in me sexually.

What have I done? Well, obviously, not enough. And that is probably the first chapter of this blog. What have I done to fix this problem and what will I be doing?

I have tried traditional means. Friends have set me up with their friends. I have tried more modern means and have been a denizen of all manner of online sites ranging from vanilla sites (Yahoo Personal, Cupid, etc.) to more edgy sites (OK Cupid) and purely sexual sites (BangMatch, AFF, Fling). I have dated from all of the above sites. I have even had a few decent flings...but none have yet sparked a mutually exploratory, mutually satisfying relationship. And now, I am on the cusp of trying the oldest way known to man (and something I have never done myself): paying for it.

So that, my dear friends, is where this journey begins.

My plans for this site are ambitious. I hope to establish a weekly schedule of posts.
On Mondays I will share a real story from my life, hopefully with sufficient detail to titillate;
Tuesdays will be more thoughtful, perhaps exploring some of the issues surround sexuality issues for our aging population;
Wednesday is "hump day" so I will try to present something light and humorous;
not sure about Thursday yet, some have suggested HNT, but I can't help but wonder just who the heck would want to see me half-nekkid;
Friday I will share a fantasy from the depths of my libido

I hope I will bring you back for more.